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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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Feeling a little worried that something bad will happen and I won't have enough money to fix it, if it can be fixed.  Medication and CBT helps me with my fears but one fear I have is ending up with Alzheimer's disease.  My grandmother got that and it was a real nightmare. 

Hugs here to anyone who needs one.

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3 hours ago, 88Butterfly88 said:

@Depressedgurl007 I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so badly.  Please try to hang in there!  I hope things get better for you.

@ladysmurf I can relate to being misunderstood.  I'm sorry there isn't any relief for you.  It stinks that life is painful, it has been for me at times too.  I love your username by the way!

I'm okay.  I ended up dissociating briefly this morning but I'm alright now.  

Thank u. I hang on so tightly to your words to hang in there. I don’t live among kind people like you, I don’t have anyone around me who tell me to hang in there. I only feel their hatred towards me and their wish for me to die. I don’t see things getting better at all. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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I thought a good night's sleep would take the edge off of finding out my ex (whom I'm still very much in love with [and quite possibly TOO much in love with]) is seeing someone else, but no, it just made things worse. I...I don't know how to handle this.

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8 hours ago, sober4life said:

I had a dream about mom.  I was on a long trip and I was trying to get home to her but I couldn't find her or reach her on the phone.  My mind is tired of fighting and suffering and being miserable.  It wants me to give up and go home to mom.

Maybe.  Then again, you were having a tough time finding her.  Maybe the deepest part of you, your unconscious mind, wants you to stay.  Either way, I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace, however long it lasts.

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20 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Are you enjoying the cooler weather? ☺️

Yes I am enjoying the cooler summer weather.  I painted the garage door and I am hoping to paint the front door exterior.  This is on my sister's house.  

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5 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

Maybe.  Then again, you were having a tough time finding her.  Maybe the deepest part of you, your unconscious mind, wants you to stay.  Either way, I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace, however long it lasts.

It's very hard.  My thoughts about my situation are the same as @Depressedgurl007I don't believe anyone wants me to be here.  If I had a near death experience and they asked me do you want to stay I would laugh at them.  

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

It's very hard.  My thoughts about my situation are the same as @Depressedgurl007I don't believe anyone wants me to be here.  If I had a near death experience and they asked me do you want to stay I would laugh at them.  

It’s tough it’s very very hard. People online may want us to stay, but physically we are all still so very alone at our own houses. It hurts. But still I do appreciate all the help people online give me. That’s all I have really 😞 

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6 hours ago, duck said:

Yes I am enjoying the cooler summer weather.  I painted the garage door and I am hoping to paint the front door exterior.  This is on my sister's house.  

Cool! 😎 Do you live at your sister's house duck? I know you do a lot for them. They're lucky to have you 🤔

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1 hour ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

It’s tough it’s very very hard. People online may want us to stay, but physically we are all still so very alone at our own houses. It hurts. But still I do appreciate all the help people online give me. That’s all I have really 😞 

Yes, I don't have support anywhere else either. It is tough and I sympathise with you and sober. You guys keep me going ❤️ Did I read right that you will be out of this situation in 2025?... 

4 years is tough but it's not a life sentence. You can make it through 💪

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

It's very hard.  My thoughts about my situation are the same as @Depressedgurl007I don't believe anyone wants me to be here.  If I had a near death experience and they asked me do you want to stay I would laugh at them.  

I don't think I would come back either lol. But I'm still in earth school for now and it's not over till it's over I guess 😬🚸🌎

I care about you and I would miss you very much if you were gone ❤️ You are always there for me and others. You make a difference to our worlds and do a great job!! 

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Don't freaking ask. Lol 😐 Another really awful night's sleep and waves of panic this morning. Sheesh. Narc mom was stalking me yesterday.. 

am chuffed that I hoovered today though 🙂small victories. 

Edited by Nightjar
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8 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Yes, I don't have support anywhere else either. It is tough and I sympathise with you and sober. You guys keep me going ❤️ Did I read right that you will be out of this situation in 2025?... 

4 years is tough but it's not a life sentence. You can make it through 💪

Thanks. I hope it’s true I get to get out at 2025. Anything can happen between now and then. 

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Im very disappointed with my sis. I end up packing n living with my parents anw after another shouting match and my sis n husband n two sons live at my parents place and she was angry that im living there now. I cannot even talk to her. I sent her a text message and poured out my heart and soul and she never even replied me. People like this are the worst. Only care about themselves and their friends and when their family need them the most, they disappear. She is horrible. I’ll never forgive her for leaving me in my hole. If she wants to treat me like a person ok fine but she is a person with a horrible heart. 

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17 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Cool! 😎 Do you live at your sister's house duck? I know you do a lot for them. They're lucky to have you 🤔

Oh NIghtjar,  I am a very complex and complicated relationship with my three older sisters.  I am the youngest and only son.  My second and third sister lives with me in my house.  I pay all the bills, property tax etc.   Things got worse around February 2019.  I decided to transfer my home to them.  That transaction was completed February 2020.  Back in 2005 my third sister bought a semi/duplex in another city.  She claimed she was going to move there but she never did.  This semi/duplex has been sitting empty.  Recently,  she decided to sell it so I travelled to this far away city with her and I am doing chores for her such as painting and so on.  I painted the front door exterior today. Three coats.  I also did a third coat of paint on the large garage door.   I will try to explain as the days go by.    I am not sure if she wants to sell it or keep it because she changes her mind every ten seconds.  Thanks for your support! 

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Not great but could be worse, just finished listening to a song on repeat for over 3 hours while staring at my laptop screen. There’s a dull ache in my chest however. I greatly miss my family and my old friends, the old town I used to live in along with the sense of freedom that can only be felt as a child. Wish it were easier to be ignorant to all the awfulness that happens on earth

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Yeah I wish I could go back to having the mind I had as a child so I could be more carefree.  Now my adult mind always has to figure out what's really going on.  I wish I could turn that off and live in my own world all the time.  I'm tired of being angry all the time like the chip shortage with cars makes me angry because I know it's a lie so they could get rid of all of their old cars on the lots.  Why does this even make me angry?  I'm not going to buy a new car now.  I guess it's because that's what this world always seems to be someone running a con and I'm sick of it.

Edited by sober4life
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I'm...well, I could be better. I woke up with a huge lump in my throat; like, the kind you get when you're about to cry.

...and even though I'm not awake enough to know if anything is wrong yet, I still want to run into Jane's arms and not look back.

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19 hours ago, Another Statistic said:

Alone is a tough one. Some folks crave it, some folks hate it, but too much of it is bad for anyone.

I hope you find someone you can reach out to.

🤗

it depends on your mood I suppose. sometimes i don't mind being alone, but sometimes it's not the easiest thing being alone, you want company, but with this illness its hard to keep friends by your side..

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On 7/26/2021 at 2:56 AM, duck said:

Yes I am enjoying the cooler summer weather.  I painted the garage door and I am hoping to paint the front door exterior.  This is on my sister's house.  

Send some of that our way. It's been beastly hot and humid here. I hate summer anyway...it means sweat, bugs, more sweat, quickly rotting food, buckets of sweat, and foot fungus to me.

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1 minute ago, JD4010 said:

I'm flying low to the ground today. Had oral surgery yesterday and my mouth is pretty sore. WAAH.

Sick of summer. See post above.

I'm glad you were able to get the surgery.  I remember how sick I was from the infection before my dental surgery.  I hope you get better soon.

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Just now, sober4life said:

I'm glad you were able to get the surgery.  I remember how sick I was from the infection before my dental surgery.  I hope you get better soon.

Thanks. I have looked like a chipmunk storing up sunflower seeds in his cheek for weeks now. I got put on some strong antibiotics to go after the infection in my lower jaw. They scraped it out yesterday, which was an experience something like I imagine you'd find in Hell.

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