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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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15 hours ago, sober4life said:

My anxiety makes me sweat when I'm around a large group of people.  It used to bother me but I know if I stink from sweat it will keep people away so at this point it's a good thing.

It makes me get all red and blotchy on my neck and face,  I sweat a bit as well but my skin gives my uncomfortableness away everytime! I walk in looking normal and come out shaking looking like a giant sweaty tomato. At least it’s something to laugh about 😅 (and keep the unwanted people away!) 

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1 hour ago, Charlee said:

It makes me get all red and blotchy on my neck and face,  I sweat a bit as well but my skin gives my uncomfortableness away everytime! I walk in looking normal and come out shaking looking like a giant sweaty tomato. At least it’s something to laugh about 😅 (and keep the unwanted people away!) 

Well my face usually breaks out with acne before big get togethers.  I'm 42 now and I have just as much trouble with my skin as I did when I was a teen.  I'm not comfortable because I'm not one of them at all.  I think people like all the animals have instincts that make them act the way they do.  If I was born alone and never saw people there is no chance I would be doing anything people do.  I don't have instincts really.  I just pretend to be like people to get by in this life so of course I'm uncomfortable.

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oh jeez.  My mom was a hoarder, not A&E Hoarders level, but it's enough.  Mom's house you couldn't see the junk.  She used drawers and closets.  Until she started collecting furniture.  I hate a packed house.  I like seeing corners.

One time I put out a lot of stuff and the garbage truck broke down on my street from it.  I packed that truck.  

I bet even now the garbage ppl are like, "what is in that house!?"  LOL.  I don't know why my mother hoarded food, I sometimes cry realizing now after she's gone--what fears was she dealing with?  Because my mom came from money. Omg, I wrote on here me cleaning out MY junk, ridiculous stuff I saved.  MY MOM did that too.  wow.

But Mom would not share her emotions with us.  Until at the end she unloaded everyone of her deepest secrets and she gutted my and my siblings.  Parents, please don't...  Then we found the letters to our father, and I know now my mother suffered incredibly.  Yep, what edge I was clinging to, I let go.  Now a lot of the time I don't give a damn.  

Mom was emotionally unavailable and she knew/she wrote knowing I needed hugs and snuggles.  She wouldn't or couldn't do that.  I've suffered so much from that lack of emotional comforting and reassuring.  So last night I went through the entire kitchen--garbage ppl will hate me. LOL.  I thought I was going to pass out.  But because of my OCD I had to finish it.  The completing it felt nice.  So today how do I feel?  Worn out.  

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2 hours ago, Charlee said:

 I’ve been going through a period of vivid dreaming

I feel sorry for you that you have to live them dreams. I have such dreaming sometimes to the point that I wake up from it and where it takes me all day to think get over that dream. It is the fact that a dream can mess my thinking up so badly that I take sleep aid to go to sleep fast and deep. When I do that I usually do not remember dreams.

Hope it will get better for you rather quick.

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17 hours ago, Charlee said:

I finally got my masters grade back... an A-, im happy but still a little disappointed because an A- feels like a "congrats .. you tried" grade. But its good enough for a PhD. In four years ill be Dr Charlee 🤓

Congrats!  This is awesome!   😃👍

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22 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

My mother in law kicked me out again, she passive aggressively stayed at her granddaughters place for three days and when hubby asked her to come back, she said I have to leave the house if he wants her to come back. I left that house a few times angrily but usually always come back to sleep there for the past two years since daughter came, cos it’s so unfair to give her instability. And now she really did kick me out again. Last time this happens was three or four years ago. Hello puffy eyes n sore throat n headache from crying every night. I hate how I’m physically ok with great parents with great food, when there’s so many people living in worse situations than mine, but I still feel my life is falling apart and still feel like dying. But what can I do? Get up, dust myself off, pick myself up, take one more step no matter how much I’m hurting from so many things around me. That’s all I can do 😞 

Sorry I have to keep writing my pathetic story here. I don’t know where else I can let this all out..my hatred towards myself is too much for me 😞 

Can you and your husband and daughter move out and get an apartment or house?  I think you may feel better living away from mother-in-law.   

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31 minutes ago, HeatherG said:

I feel better because of the tacos?

Probably ... it is my youngest favorite ... he turns 16 tomorrow and he wanted Tacos ... so smile and " happy " guaranteed 🙂 

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44 minutes ago, HeatherG said:

I made tacos.  Tasty food helps, yeah the scale is terrorizing me now, lol-- but idc.

I feel better because of the tacos?  😌

From time to time I'll make tacos for myself with one of the kits they have at the store and it usually makes 10 tacos and yep I eat them all.

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

From time to time I'll make tacos for myself with one of the kits they have at the store and it usually makes 10 tacos and yep I eat them all.

I love tacos! 

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8 hours ago, sober4life said:

I just pretend to be like people to get by in this life so of course I'm uncomfortable.

I think that is quite a skill to have mastered! I feel like I'm pretending all the time as well. A month or so ago when I was feeling suicidal and so heavy with depression I went and visited my family and it was like switching personalities when I was around them, I had to force my smile and change my tone of voice and what I was talking about, it was really quite a performance

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5 hours ago, HeatherG said:

I made tacos.  Tasty food helps, yeah the scale is terrorizing me now, lol-- but idc.

I feel better because of the tacos?  😌

F uck the scale! I've spent way to many years obsessing over a silly number that in the end just doesnt matter

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7 hours ago, Svenetc said:

I have such dreaming sometimes to the point that I wake up from it and where it takes me all day to think get over that dream. It is the fact that a dream can mess my thinking up so badly that I take sleep aid to go to sleep fast and deep

Yeah, its unsettling, ruins my day as well, mostly leaves me confused as to why my mind is taking me there again.. I'm like "sis we got out of there for a reason why are we going back?"

Thanks 🙂

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7 hours ago, Charlee said:

I think that is quite a skill to have mastered! I feel like I'm pretending all the time as well. A month or so ago when I was feeling suicidal and so heavy with depression I went and visited my family and it was like switching personalities when I was around them, I had to force my smile and change my tone of voice and what I was talking about, it was really quite a performance

Well when I went on my trip recently I think I even fooled myself.  I believed I was that person and I believed I was doing well.  I am who I am right now when I'm alone.  It's very sad that I have to be a character and play a role around all the family I have left.  It's even sadder knowing it wasn't always this way.  There were people I loved and trusted but they're all gone.

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I'm just feeling a bit anxious at the moment.  I had a nightmare related to my PTSD and also in the nightmare I was bitten by a venomous spider.  I know it was just a dream but still feeling a bit shook up.  

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13 hours ago, cherryapplez2020 said:

I just need the depression to stop

 

sorry have a migraine 

Don't be sorry, migraines really suck. 😞  How long has this depression flare been going on? The bad ones feel like they're gonna last forever. Of course they don't, but even that knowledge doesn't help when you're in the middle of one.

This old man is sending you a cyber-hug from across the world.

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23 hours ago, sober4life said:

Well my face usually breaks out with acne before big get togethers.  I'm 42 now and I have just as much trouble with my skin as I did when I was a teen.  I'm not comfortable because I'm not one of them at all.  I think people like all the animals have instincts that make them act the way they do.  If I was born alone and never saw people there is no chance I would be doing anything people do.  I don't have instincts really.  I just pretend to be like people to get by in this life so of course I'm uncomfortable.

what other physical symptoms do you guys get from anxiety?? hair loss is a big one it drives me nuts..

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8 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

what other physical symptoms do you guys get from anxiety?? hair loss is a big one it drives me nuts..

Well gray hair for sure.  If I didn't dye my hair it would probably all be gray.

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I feeling pretty bad today, my business is failing and I have a family to support. Its failing because I have zero energy and motivation. I just want to die from some accident. Remember the "suicide booths" from the show futurama? I wish those were a thing. quick and painless.

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Good things about today: yoga, short walk, watering plants and refreshing birdies water. 

Bad things: rubbish family relationships, feeling unsupported and unheard, feeling really irritable. 

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