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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

Well I worked about 12 hours today.  On the bright side at least I got a letter from my friends at the cult that want me to join them for their 3 day convention.😒

I hope it is an MLM 🙂   I used to be in Amway then Primerica decades ago.

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1 hour ago, Another Statistic said:

Sorry Duck, I hate feeling like that.

You've been around the block a few times, and you know this crap is usually transitory. Hope you can cling to that as you ride out the suck.

It is all good because I will have an excuse not to listen to abusive people.  😀

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Talk about a long day... I went into work this morning at 4am and worked until 5pm. However while it made for a long day it wasn't bad other than the lack of sleep. Even with some Tylenol PM I was up the entire night. My mind was wondering off as usual about all kinds of different things. Not sure why but I kind of went the extra mile and dressed up a bit more than I usually do. Put on a bit of cologne, had a dress kind of shirt on, like what I used to wear when I would perform on stage and had my LV shades on. Nobody had seen me with my new haircut as well so it kinda drew a lot of attention wanted or not by a lot of people. I felt kind of odd since people probably expected I was dressed up because of Christine or something. Which I guess they are partially right in some sense. Felt good to actually dress nice for a change.

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

Well I worked about 12 hours today.  On the bright side at least I got a letter from my friends at the cult that want me to join them for their 3 day convention.😒

Your posts are like onions - so many layers!

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3 hours ago, Another Statistic said:

Don't let any spiders into the x-ray machine with you. After all, we all remember what happened to Peter Parker ..

With great power comes a large electric bill 😄

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2 hours ago, Another Statistic said:

Your posts are like onions - so many layers!

I remember where I first met the people now.  You really don't see what's going on in the moment but the man was a con man hanging out at the ICU section of the hospital where mom was at the end.  He was looking for people sitting alone that he could target like me.  Of course he had a story of his own about his sick family member but he was there alone looking for people to take advantage of.  I really try to have hope but this is a very very scary world.

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4 hours ago, InfinateandDistant said:

I'm not sure. I sort of feel like I'm walking down railroad tracks in a tunnel and I don't see light at either end of the tunnel, keeping in mind that I have a prosthetic leg and not able to excercise much. I guess I'm more afraid of dying in the tunnel from unknown reasons alone and unloved from family or even a single friend that I don't have. 

It is very difficult to continue on your journey when you do not know where you are going. It is even harder when you do not see any daylight anywhere. Keep the faith and continue on moving until someone or something can bring you some clarity in your life 

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On 7/16/2021 at 12:16 AM, JD4010 said:

That's excellent! I grew up in "big sky country" and had to get used to being confined by hills. I miss seeing the huge thunderstorms rolling in from 20 miles away or more.

Glad you're back and that you enjoyed the trip!

 

On 7/16/2021 at 12:19 AM, JD4010 said:

My brother went to NZ and didn't want to return! He said it's really beautiful.

I really like living in NZ, I'm grateful to of been born and brought up here. However since we are an island nation that is pretty isolated, its really expensive to live here. I didn't realise how expensive until I started comparing prices to other countries and we pay so much more than most for almost everything. Apparently its because the import prices are high and we don't have a lot of competing markets so they can jack the prices up all they want. Our work salaries don't really match up with the cost of housing and rent and other living costs either. For example, it's estimated that for a person to own a home and live comfortably in Auckland (our largest and most expensive city) you'd need to be earning upwards of 170K, but the average salary of a NZer is 60k... and only 1% of the country earns over 100k. The average price for a home in Auckland is about 2mill (and that's for an average old 3 bedroom house, not a gigantic mansion!) as well, so we've got out problems too. We do have a pretty good government, but the they haven't really done anything to improve the cost of homes and living either *shrug*

That aside, the scenery is beautiful, a lot of hills and mountains, and whichever part of NZ you live in you're usually not more than an hour away from a beach, you definitely couldn't watch a thunderstorm drifting in from miles away unless you were on a beach (but in NZ we use the metric system so really we'd say kilometers away) and the people are generally pretty nice as well, there's quite a sense of community and friendliness here, even in Auckland which has a reputation for being the "snob city where no one talks to each other" 😆

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Feel confident saying I'm probably going to be alone forever. Because I really have not a lot in common with almost everyone and many morally depraved people that are currently making civilisations collapse while causing totalitarianism. Even the popular online social media platforms have become inverted totalitarianism with Orwellian anti-anonymity systems requiring people's phone numbers or whatever other creepy thing. I feel like I've stepped into China when going into online forums. There used to be so much more funny people who were politically incorrect unapologetically and had common sense online. Now, I find easily offended jerks who behave childishly entitled to have censorship to stroke their egos. Censorship has gotten so petty online that common sense is becoming rarer. I got tired of the holier-than-thou moderators talking out of their butts about common sense when they don't have it because they're using their moderator power in vain.

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I feel like transgender people have a god complex, especially since their genders aren't based on hard science. Plus, I've witnessed the rise of gender dysphoria and child abuse psychologically due to transgenderism. I find transgender surgery on children to be a form of child trafficking because children are minors that aren't mentally mature and responsible enough to make decisions for themselves. Some of those children that became adults even mentioned that they weren't mature and responsible enough to have transgender surgery because they were too young and are trying to create organisations to fight against minors from having transgender surgery. It's about protecting impulsive and immature kids from being exploited by morally depraved adults who are more mentally mature and psychologically stable from companies that care about money who have been corrupted by greed as they became older, not protecting children exactly. Also, I hate and consider infant circumcision to be a form of child trafficking as well.

Edited by OvercomeProblems
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I feel grateful for you guys. The support and encouragement I get here keeps me going. Just some thoughts about my life currently.... 

I am skint but I have everything I need. My mother has chronic illness but we have a great health service. I am lonely but I get by somehow or another. I have terrible anxiety sometimes but I make it through. I struggle with things but I do enough. People torment me but nature lights me up. 

It seems somehow or another I have everything I need 🤔

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7 hours ago, Floor2017 said:

It is very difficult to continue on your journey when you do not know where you are going. It is even harder when you do not see any daylight anywhere. Keep the faith and continue on moving until someone or something can bring you some clarity in your life 

That's great advice Floor, thank you 🤗

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8 hours ago, sober4life said:

I remember where I first met the people now.  You really don't see what's going on in the moment but the man was a con man hanging out at the ICU section of the hospital where mom was at the end.  He was looking for people sitting alone that he could target like me.  Of course he had a story of his own about his sick family member but he was there alone looking for people to take advantage of.  I really try to have hope but this is a very very scary world.

Wow, yes, that's pretty sick. I remember once when I was younger and depressed being followed by someone who saw me looking vulnerable on a bench in town. Luckily I had my wits about me and swerved him at the make up counter in the department store but he had been following me through town for a while. 

It's best to stay in a safe place as much as possible when you are vulnerable because predators can smell it a mile off 😬

Edited by Nightjar
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I hate myself so much. I have two support workers, they told me I need this help they're providing... but I'm not even calling them, because I think I'm wasting their time.
I don't deserve it.

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Happy,my son finally thanked me for helping him coming out as a part time crossdresser and being supportive.This has brought us together even more and I see his femme side Nikki as a part time daughter in my life.My daughter learned from it too,came out as a lesbian to me last night also has been dating a girl and told her I still love her.

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18 hours ago, Another Statistic said:

Howdy 88Butterfly88, welcome to DF!

Was there a trigger for your depression, or did it just come outa nowhere? The second is often the toughest to deal with, but the former can often be helped just by talking about it.

Start a topic if you want to chat about something specific, it really can help!

Thank you!  Yes, there was a trigger.  I think I will start a topic about it, it couldn't hurt.  

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16 hours ago, OvercomeProblems said:

Feel confident saying I'm probably going to be alone forever. Because I really have not a lot in common with almost everyone and many morally depraved people that are currently making civilisations collapse while causing totalitarianism. Even the popular online social media platforms have become inverted totalitarianism with Orwellian anti-anonymity systems requiring people's phone numbers or whatever other creepy thing. I feel like I've stepped into China when going into online forums. There used to be so much more funny people who were politically incorrect unapologetically and had common sense online. Now, I find easily offended jerks who behave childishly entitled to have censorship to stroke their egos. Censorship has gotten so petty online that common sense is becoming rarer. I got tired of the holier-than-thou moderators talking out of their butts about common sense when they don't have it because they're using their moderator power in vain.

It is impossible to have a reasonable conversation anymore because people have become so polarized...you are either THIS, or THAT. You have to fit into the two categories or else you will be ostracized and ignored. I get asked "what I am" from a religious or political perspective and I always answer that I don't know. It comes down to individual issues for me. I don't fit neatly into any one category; never have.

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Oh yay, I have another infection deep down in my jaw underneath a tooth that broke off. It will be a minimum of $350 to get it fixed (tooth yanked, jaw scraped, and antibiotics). I just had this done three weeks ago on the other side of my mouth.

I always wonder why we were designed to have so many pain sensors in our stupid teeth...seems like poor engineering to me.

I finally got home internet so I can check in here more often again. The stupid local libraries are still limiting patron visits to 30 minutes because of fear of the BOOGA BOOGA virus. I finally decided it was time to give up on free wi fi and get my own.

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I want to go for a walk but it's hot and humid outside. Within three minutes of the start of the walk, I will become a sweaty mess. Other people go jogging or running in this weather and never break a sweat. I don't even need to be moving to sweat in this kind of weather. People look at me trudging down the sidewalk with sweat rolling off of my head and wonder if I'm going to keel over or something. I hate it.

Just another example of why I don't belong on this planet.

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The family reunion was great today.  I'm not sure who was there but they have a pet cow so who cares?  Yes I do mean pet cow too.  They're going to keep at as a pet and let it live out it's natural life on the farm.

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3 hours ago, JD4010 said:

It is impossible to have a reasonable conversation anymore because people have become so polarized...you are either THIS, or THAT. You have to fit into the two categories or else you will be ostracized and ignored. I get asked "what I am" from a religious or political perspective and I always answer that I don't know. It comes down to individual issues for me. I don't fit neatly into any one category; never have.

I used to try to fit in I guess a long time ago.  Now I'm glad I don't fit in anywhere.  I'll even go out of way to not fit in.  The only people I want to see at this point are on tv.  People became polarized because that's what they wanted people to become.  They told them they were before they actually were.  They don't care what group we choose as long as it's a strong choice for one or the other.  That was their tactic to keep the country's government going during the pandemic.  Logical people would say hey let's bring everyone together during this time but they chose to make us all argue with each other.  You know if we're all arguing with each other we won't argue with them and we'll forget how pathetic the government has been this whole time.

Edited by sober4life
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Another day in hell. What a great life it is. Nobody wants to work so I have to do extra work.   I need to start a YouTube channel and start talking nonsense while making money instead of this slavery. 😆

Edited by watalife
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6 hours ago, JD4010 said:

It is impossible to have a reasonable conversation anymore because people have become so polarized...you are either THIS, or THAT. You have to fit into the two categories or else you will be ostracized and ignored. I get asked "what I am" from a religious or political perspective and I always answer that I don't know. It comes down to individual issues for me. I don't fit neatly into any one category; never have.

Elites and the people themselves have successfully made an amount of people insane.

Transgenderism doesn't stop hardwired biology.

Feminism doesn't stop the hardwired inequality between biological females and males.

Biological females cannot empathise with biological males completely.

There's a plausible reason why male-dominated industries exist.

There's a plausible reason why hierarchies exist within businesses.

Hardwired biology makes average biological males more talented in sports, politics, thinking outside the box, artisanry, and building civilisations in general.

A smaller amount of biological females have been inventors, rulers, business owners, militarians in the higher hierarchy of power, etc. Because life is unfair.

Now, I witness these delusional feminazis who don't speak facts about the inherent inequality between females and males in regards to hardwired biology that makes males likely to be more dangerous than females if you ever studied criminology, sociopathy, psychopathy, antisocial personality disorder, and war.

I'm talking about objective reality that can be proven through mathematics and statistics. Only some things are relative. Not everything is relative if you are observant properly. People do have subjective views of reality. But, there is hardwired biology, animals, planets, galaxies, a universe, the ability to think, and other things that are part of objective reality that can proven through mathematics. If everything was relative, then society would collapse into utter chaos and anarchy because people would be stupidly wasting their time arguing about how to do things in an inefficent manner that doesn't get anything done.

There's a reason why businesses are controlled by governments and have standards based on objective reality to make sure customers get consistent experiences when they buy products to prevent inconvenient problems. Because subjectivity and personal beliefs don't always work in a civilised society.

Though, I will say that it can be hard for everyone to fit into categories. Because there is a grey area since the world is not completely black and white. There are things that people are uncertain about because we're not perfect. What I'm saying is that people can't get out specific categories because they are not gods. But there are some categories that people can choose to fit in or not.

Edited by OvercomeProblems
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For example, there are men who fit the category of psychopathy because they were psychopaths before birth. They can't get out of that category unless there is invented technology to get rid of psychopathy. Now for another example, there are men who fit the optional category of liking music because they like listening to songs. They could choose to like music or not.

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