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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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Today has been ok for me too. Best part of my day was my walk and the little interactions with people and nature I had. I also hatched a little plan for myself to do some cool stuff in the near future and made some nice food. So all in all, it was pretty good 🤔 Only thing bothering me today was that the house needs a good clean but I'll get around to it at some point 😬

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On 7/9/2021 at 8:30 PM, Another Statistic said:

I think watching young people make the same stupid mistakes we did is one of the burdens of being old. I remember thinking anyone over 40 was full of crap, and couldn't possibly understand what life in the 'modern' era was like.

Little did I know they weren't full of crap. They were just too tired to get fussed over the same junk I was fussed over. 😅

haha I think my mum feels this way when me and my siblings start trying to engage her in something! And I've definitely felt this way about "old people" not knowing whats what anymore 😄 But I'm starting to realise its a naive way of thinking and most of the things I get riled up about aren't really worth the trouble of arguing about, but I do wish some political opinions of the older generations would change *ahem sexism/rape culture ahem* but again, not really worth arguing over anymore. I've learnt that you can't force someone to think how you think no matter how loud you make your point 🤷‍♀️😐

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5 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Today has been ok for me too. Best part of my day was my walk and the little interactions with people and nature I had. I also hatched a little plan for myself to do some cool stuff in the near future and made some nice food. So all in all, it was pretty good 🤔 Only thing bothering me today was that the house needs a good clean but I'll get around to it at some point 😬

hahaha I feel you on the house needing a clean because my room needs it too but im not up to it so ill just let it pile up until I can stand it no more 😄

How have you been doing? Glad you had a good day today! It feels good to engage on here again 🙂

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On 7/10/2021 at 8:55 AM, duck said:

I had a better day but I am way below my usual self.  I need to get better sleep and workout daily.   I wake up every half hour and stay awake for several hours.   

I struggle with getting quality sleep as well, last night I managed to go to sleep about 1am (which is early for me atm lol) but I woke around 6 and kept waking up until I finally decided to get up around 11.. the disturbed sleep makes everything else harder. Did you manage to work out? I bought myself new gear and a new yoga mat a few weeks ago hoping it would motivate me but it hasnt haha oh well, one day at a time, I hope you feel better today Duck!

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On 7/10/2021 at 11:24 PM, roadking02 said:

Mainly because I am dealing with a lot of subconscious thoughts that I'm trying to get out of my head. Stuff from my past that keeps me up all night, makes me fear going out in public period... Makes me twitch like a total freak at times. It all comes from social anxiety and trauma from when I was a kid that for whatever reason I have not ever been able to rid myself free from.

A new relationship as an example might sound like a good idea but I don't want to drag someone down into the mess of a man that I have become. Thanks to stuff that went on with Natalie years ago and just other people who outright made me into a social outcast. Even family members who I don't speak to made me into this mess. Time slowly made me become this way... I have always known it was happening but ignored it for years. Now while my friend Phillip from work has told me that it's all in my head he might be right but I'm not exactly sure. I need to go to therapy or something to talk things out.

Christine doesn't hate me but my mind continues to think it... Honestly my mind thinks that a lot of people hate me.

uh yes, I feel this way as well, sorry you had a terrible Friday, I hope your weekend was better. My week was similar, in between the panic attacks I was crying, I didnt think my body could produce that many tears, and apparently I'm still not out of them!

I'd like to date as well but I have serious baggage that I have to work through before being able to get close to someone else. The past trauma makes me feel broken and unable to function in society so hopefully one day soon i'll have the courage to start therapy and finally be able to move on with my life. I hope you can too 🙂

Ps, im sure Christine doesnt hate you and its just your demons reinforcing that, I've many that try to reinforce that everyone hates me as well, its very difficult to live with and trying not to believe them 😕

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On 7/8/2021 at 7:11 PM, Nightjar said:

On a positive note I finally sorted out my garden. It usually has wild bits and cultivated bits but lately it has been 100% wild 😬 It's back to 80% cultivated now. I'm quite proud of it 😅 I can relax a little bit more now that I finally got that done. 

I'd like to have a garden one day, I never learnt how to take care of a garden when I was young, or how to identify weeds and how to get rid of them to avoid them coming back! 😅  What does your garden mostly consist of? I really like rose bushes and other flower plants that I dont know the names of lol I like flowers though, I'd like a really nice flower garden when I have space for it

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Im home alone right now, and it's windy and grey out, the house is really old and hasn't been refurbished so in the wind it creaks a lot and produces random bangs and noises, it makes me really uncomfortable and feel a little paranoid... I have to keep reassuring myself that its just the wind and the oldness of the house and no one is secretly hiding in another room getting ready to attack 😬

My status has been updated to advanced member now so that's cool lol anyway, I've done enough talking for the day so i'm going back to bed now, hope you all have good days 🙂

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5 hours ago, Charlee said:

I struggle with getting quality sleep as well, last night I managed to go to sleep about 1am (which is early for me atm lol) but I woke around 6 and kept waking up until I finally decided to get up around 11.. the disturbed sleep makes everything else harder. Did you manage to work out? I bought myself new gear and a new yoga mat a few weeks ago hoping it would motivate me but it hasnt haha oh well, one day at a time, I hope you feel better today Duck!

Thank you Chralee!

Unfortunately I did not workout.  I went for a walk but a racoon was blocking the sidewalk so I turned around and ran home with my tail between my legs 🤣

I need to run from my sisters.  They are so annoying I cannot handle this.  Long time DF members are aware of the issues I have with my sisters.  They are probably tired of listening to my complaints.   I am up now at 3 am because my sister just decided to send an email to the contractor who built her house.  Like what was she doing all day?  I had to help her with writing the email. She is so unsure about everything. 

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5 hours ago, Charlee said:

Im home alone right now, and it's windy and grey out, the house is really old and hasn't been refurbished so in the wind it creaks a lot and produces random bangs and noises, it makes me really uncomfortable and feel a little paranoid... I have to keep reassuring myself that its just the wind and the oldness of the house and no one is secretly hiding in another room getting ready to attack 😬

Maybe you need a large dog to keep you company.  He/she will scare away potential burglars!

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On 7/10/2021 at 3:17 PM, Floor2017 said:

I am doing ok and I just finished my MAT to teach Secondary Education.

Congrats!  I thought you were a nurse.  Ah well. It is all good.  :hugs:

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Really feel like just giving up on communication. No one understands me. I don't understand anyone. Everything I want to say in my head end up worded wrongly by my self-sabotaging mouth. I'm stumbling over my smallest failures. Is it cos I can't remember how I overcome my obstacles to get here? My counsellor once told me to write down and journal things so I can remember them later, so is it my laziness that makes me always fall on my face on the ground over n over again? Just let me stay in this hole forever cos I don't wanna get out and try again. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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9 hours ago, Charlee said:

I'd like to have a garden one day, I never learnt how to take care of a garden when I was young, or how to identify weeds and how to get rid of them to avoid them coming back! 😅  What does your garden mostly consist of? I really like rose bushes and other flower plants that I dont know the names of lol I like flowers though, I'd like a really nice flower garden when I have space for it

I have some roses 🌹 foxgloves, wild poppies and daffodils in the spring. Also some wild daisies I planted and a lavender plant which really needs to be put into the earth now 😬

I also have a small lawn with two wild patches for the wildflowers to grow (buttercups,  dandelions etc) which the insects enjoy a lot 😂

I also have some hedges, honeysuckle (I think) climbing the fence,  a hydrangea in a tub, lots of ferns, some red hot pokers, plants the bees love (not sure of the name) and a water dish for the birdies 🙂

Oh, and a baby palm tree in a pot, centre stage 🌴😁🤗

 

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2 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

Really feel like just giving up on communication. No one understands me. I don't understand anyone. Everything I want to say in my head end up worded wrongly by my self-sabotaging mouth. I'm stumbling over my smallest failures. Is it cos I can't remember how I overcome my obstacles to get here? My counsellor once told me to write down and journal things so I can remember them later, so is it my laziness that makes me always fall on my face on the ground over n over again? Just let me stay in this hole forever cos I don't wanna get out and try again. 

You seem to communicate pretty well to me. I can't see any issues from where I'm standing, whatever you say makes sense 🤔

I'm guessing that your feelings about what you say are the problem(?) That you are beating yourself up for whatever you communicate and think you are doing it wrong(?) 

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9 hours ago, Charlee said:

hahaha I feel you on the house needing a clean because my room needs it too but im not up to it so ill just let it pile up until I can stand it no more 😄

How have you been doing? Glad you had a good day today! It feels good to engage on here again 🙂

That's a good point. Motivation eventually comes around when it gets bad enough doesn't it 😂 

Thankyou, yesterday was a pretty good day. I felt quite positive. Obviously I still have yucky feelings floating around about mini lion. The whole thing was so damned traumatic for us. I'd spent 5 years trying to spare her any pain or trauma and then in the end it came flying at us.

I hope it was enough and that her life was worthwhile enough for her. I think it was. She was only 7 when she passed. 

I have to find a nicer box for her ashes and find somewhere special to keep it. 

Her noises around the house have finally stopped happening 😬 and I think she is with the angels now. I think it happened yesterday. All this time the bed she would sleep on has been boinging in the same way it used to when she would jump off it to come and see me 😬 It was spooky and I wanted her to be with the animals and people on the other side who could comfort and communicate with her. 

Edited by Nightjar
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3 hours ago, duck said:

I need to run from my sisters.  They are so annoying I cannot handle this.  Long time DF members are aware of the issues I have with my sisters.  They are probably tired of listening to my complaints.   I am up now at 3 am because my sister just decided to send an email to the contractor who built her house.  Like what was she doing all day?  I had to help her with writing the email. She is so unsure about everything. 

Yes, I remember you telling us about them. Have you had any thoughts about getting away? 

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44 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

You seem to communicate pretty well to me. I can't see any issues from where I'm standing, whatever you say makes sense 🤔

I'm guessing that your feelings about what you say are the problem(?) That you are beating yourself up for whatever you communicate and think you are doing it wrong(?) 

Yes I beat myself up even though I know I shouldn’t 😞 

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2 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

Yes I beat myself up even though I know I shouldn’t 😞 

I think we who get depressed extra specially beat ourselves up. More 'normal' people beat themselves up, but a lot less, I reckon. Depression is much more common in perfectionists. I can certainly relate to that but I work hard on not being a perfectionist these days. 

Bright people are more susceptible too :idea3: so if you're feeling bad, remember that one 😁

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Right now, I feel like I just can't even.

Since I got back from a vacation a few days ago, I haven't been able to get up early and I'm just sleeping in and not wanting to get back into the anxious grind.  Can't afford this.  I feel like there's never any margin for error or rest.  And I need rest right now.

I'm going to try to pick myself up and get going again.

I'm just so tired of these cycles.

And they amp up the anxiety multiple levels.

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On 7/9/2021 at 10:47 PM, cherryapplez2020 said:

Day three is depressed thinking about ending it all but I can’t so there’s that I hate depression 😔🤬still kinda mad

one good thing got my girls gift so I should be getting that out in the mail Monday on her birthday I thought she was coming down Sunday but they can’t so there’s that 

anyone ever wonder If there depression would take there life because I feel that way today I need answers like what happens when you pass would people be at ur funeral would anyone be sad because I also feel like people would be happy 

Oh yeah, I've thought that millions of times. I see myself as a burden on the human race.

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2 hours ago, gandolfication said:

Right now, I feel like I just can't even.

Since I got back from a vacation a few days ago, I haven't been able to get up early and I'm just sleeping in and not wanting to get back into the anxious grind.  Can't afford this.  I feel like there's never any margin for error or rest.  And I need rest right now.

I'm going to try to pick myself up and get going again.

I'm just so tired of these cycles.

And they amp up the anxiety multiple levels.

Dang. Sorry my friend. It really does SUCK.

I'm supposed to be conducting a job search right now. Might as well ask me to fly a spaceship into the sun.

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