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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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54 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Yeah, I think we have to celebrate our little wins. I read somewhere once that we shouldn't expect perfection from ourselves when we are suffering from depression. Yet we do. I see every act I make as an achievement because it takes so much more energy for me to do things than it does for the average person. 

That is well said ! I look at this the same way. Everything I achieve is a win. It can be as small as mowing my yard or getting groceries. Or it can be bigger like negotiating with a bank or talking to my lawyer. The thing that makes it special is the fact that " I did it " ...makes me feel better. I don't think anybody around me at work or in the store or wherever actually knows what I feel and what goes thru my mind all day long. I put up a great facade nobody can read. But to achieve something is a great feeling 🙂  Have a Happy 4th of July - if who reads his is in the US .... if not have a Happy 4th of July as well. 

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On 6/30/2021 at 12:50 AM, Charlee said:

how im feeling right now too, *offers comfort hug* (more for me because im incredibly sad right now and I really need a hug)

Yeah, I feel you. Thanks for the hug. Sending one right back. 

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Inspiring blue skies and balmy temperatures outside. If I could enjoy anything, I'd have gone somewhere remote, as in the past... got many favorite places around here. Maybe one day it'll be possible again.

Best 4th of July wishes to all! Or just general best wishes if that's not a relevant holiday for one reason or another...

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16 hours ago, Nightjar said:

maybe to them my life looks pitiful. But to me, it's something quite important! Lol. We are worth the effort 🤗

YES! Im embarrassed for how my flatmates see me because I keep myself so closed off that the dont really know anything about me and most of the time im in my pjs and dont go out so they must think im some super loner weirdo! im actually worried they're going to ask me to leave because I do nothing even tho my bills are always paid. But im really just fighting hard to remain alive right now which they obv dont know a thing about 😩

But you are right, im trying, im worth the effort, showering, making a meal, cleaning are big accomplishments for me even tho to everyone else its just a normal part of living they do without a second thought. 

Yeah I was brought up with minimal responsibility as well, the most housework my mum made us do was the dishes and the vacuuming. But that was a damn fight for her (I wasn't spoiled, just a stubborn kid who made it known when I didnt wanna do something.... others would say bad tempered 😬😄). 

I feel I wasn't prepared for adulthood though either, I moved out temporarily when I was 19 and 23 for 3 and 5 months before I couldn't handle it and moved back home, (now ive successfully been living out of home for 3 years....) but yeah, its taken me awhile to get the hang of things, I wasn't prepared for how difficult adulthood is, or the responsibility of just taking care of yourself, and I dont blame my mum, she wasn't perfect but she was a great mum all the same and I had a pretty good and stable upbringing, id do things differently for sure with my kids (if I ever have any) but yeah 🤷‍♀️ 

Hope you're having a better day today 🙂 I didnt get up early and again still in pjs but im getting my washing on so thats something for me today 🙏

 

 

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16 hours ago, Svenetc said:

The thing that makes it special is the fact that " I did it " ...makes me feel better. I don't think anybody around me at work or in the store or wherever actually knows what I feel and what goes thru my mind all day long

mood, celebrating small things that are everyday things to others should be the norm. Doing my nails always makes me feel better, and getting my groceries, doing my washing and chores makes me feel like ive done some normal adult things and boosts my mood for the day 🙂 

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On 7/4/2021 at 10:45 AM, monicott17 said:

Despite my boss not bothering to tell me that she was on vacation last week and waiting until the last minute to let me know my time off request was approved…I got the approval and heading to a place I enjoy visiting and have visited many times in the past. Not really sure how this is going to go since I am miserable right now and struggling but I have only taken one vacation day this year so far back in February so I really need the time off from work. And I know the city I am going to well…been there many times and will be visiting some of the usual spots. We will see.

do whatever self-care stuff you need to do on your leave, f the rest. leave your stress behind, hope you can enjoy it 🙂 

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Trying o figure out exactly how i got here...

Raised by a disabled mother

Raped by a neighbor at ten

Then 11

Married a narcisist

Narcicist calls me a rapist

How do I keep going?

 

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1 hour ago, user1492 said:

Trying o figure out exactly how i got here...

Raised by a disabled mother

Raped by a neighbor at ten

Then 11

Married a narcisist

Narcicist calls me a rapist

How do I keep going?

 

Damn... Good luck in the future.

You could decide if your marriage with that self-loving spouse of yours is worth it in the end. One could hope things get better for you.

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7 hours ago, Charlee said:

showering, making a meal, cleaning are big accomplishments for me even tho to everyone else its just a normal part of living they do without a second thought. 

Yup. I think this is for two reasons for me...

1.The fact that for the first 30 years of my life I didn't lift a finger in the house and so never learned to manage any of it.

2. I have some above average OCD which makes everything difficult.

In the last ten years I've managed to learn to cook a bit, handle the lawn mower and keep the house clean (just about). 

I would say my friends were above and beyond more capable than me, having always been a part of the cooking and cleaning at home. They were also encouraged to work. I wasn't. Don't get me started on that topic 😂 Looking after the house and working was like breathing for them. For me, it has been a mountain I've had to climb alone. 

It's funny because the you tubers I like to watch are super productive (lol). But their normal day is a super productive one for me 😬  Eh, what can you do. My brain does what it does and I manage well enough 🤷‍♀️

I have strategies for good days and bad days which basically consist of me doing less on a bad day. I still do some things on a bad day and that's helpful to me. It keeps overwhelm down. 

If I am paralysed with depression it has to wait. But for me, the paralysis tends to pass fairly quickly so I can get back to things again. In fact sometimes I can ease the paralysis by doing something productive. Movement helps to shift it in my experience 🤔

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So much pain and guilt. 

No one to lean on for support. 

No one to lend me strength. 

Nobody should be this alone. 

I'm so tired. 

 

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Posted (edited)

Bought some stuff online on a new website for delivery n just realised on the day I expected the delivery, that I put in the wrong address that doesn’t exist. I don’t understand how I can input the wrong address. These are the small things I beat myself up for the whole day 😞 As if I don’t have enough problems to deal with, my stupidity has to keep me on my toes. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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Getting tired of this world I live in. Feel like the online world has become more like China in regards to anti-intellectualism, totalitarian censorship, anti-V.P.N. social websites preventing anonymity that prevents protecting online privacy, Orwellian requirement of phone number or non-disposable email verification, and so forth. Don't feel like younger generations will understand the feeling of psychological stability, good health, free speech, intellectual freedom, online privacy power, and being able to fight against brainwashing government authorities that cause dehumanising oppression. Getting tired of the sweatshop Amazon empire buying companies causing layoffs with limited creative freedom while limiting American people's job opportunities in regards to high-paying jobs from company merging. Oligarchic patriarchy is so lovely... not.

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Frustratingly realising international elites are making the world burn with planned obsolescence, Orwellian online surveillance, totalitarian censorship, military terrorism, indoctrination institutions disguised as schools for children, water pollution causing infertility/miscarriages/hormonal imbalance, air pollution causing a threat to the ecosystem, food pollution causing infertility/miscarriages/hormonal imbalance/obesity/sickness, drug addiction, gambling addiction, religious fearmongering, police fearmongering, the for-profit prison industry, youth-corrupting media, slave wages, elitist tax evasions, and debt bondage to prevent low/middle class people from owning property and businesses easily, especially women from the middle/low classes. Hating how the international elites are corrupting and/or destroying people's genes, D.N.A, moral integrity, conscience, self-control, psychological stability, and ability to think for themselves like critical thinkers. Realising that common sense, self-control, moral integrity, a strong conscience, family values, online privacy, free speech, gun rights, freedom of thought, reliable products that last long and run smoothly, environmentalism, and human rights in general are becoming a joke for younger generations in the future. So, I will expect dumpster fire societies including the decrease of intelligence and charisma from younger people years from now.

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Hello everyone!  Belated 4th July to all my American friends!   

I am a bit stressed these days probably too many silly things to deal with.  

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Posted (edited)

sober4life, Have you left on your driving vacation?  I miss you.  I hope you can post here on DF from time to time.  :hugs:

Edited by duck
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2 hours ago, duck said:

I hope you can post here on DF from time to time.  :hugs:

I've been thinking: is there still any point to go on posting here anymore?

DF does not have any trained volunteers, never mind certified ones, to address what we're going through & able to offer help/solutions we are able to put into action. 

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1 hour ago, iWantRope said:

I've been thinking: is there still any point to go on posting here anymore?

DF does not have any trained volunteers, never mind certified ones, to address what we're going through & able to offer help/solutions we are able to put into action. 

I could try to help people here. Although, I'm not highly trained nor certified. Depression Forums has made it easier for me to find people for socialising. Maybe we ought to help each other out. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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4 hours ago, iWantRope said:

I've been thinking: is there still any point to go on posting here anymore?

DF does not have any trained volunteers, never mind certified ones, to address what we're going through & able to offer help/solutions we are able to put into action. 

I spend thousands of dollars on therapy each year because if I don't my insurance will stop paying me.  Therapist does nothing for me.  NO advice. NO solutions.  NO suggestions.   Being on DF helps me more that a therapist.  

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On 7/5/2021 at 2:19 AM, user1492 said:

Trying o figure out exactly how i got here...

Raised by a disabled mother

Raped by a neighbor at ten

Then 11

Married a narcisist

Narcicist calls me a rapist

How do I keep going?

 

i can't even imagine what you've been through, and im truly sorry....but like others said i do hope things get better for you..the strange thing about life is that there is somewhere always you can find hope onto something no matter how bad things are..thats up to each individual too and their beliefs..where they can find hope to keep going on because we all have different beliefs and opinions. maybe a dream, a goal, a religious faith might be some of the things that might help you to continue fighting for a better tomorrow..

i wouldn't recommend asking "how i got here" like the actual why's that we torture ourselves with, because they usually get us no where....i do it sometimes too, but the older i get the more i've stopped asking, why me? why did all these horrible things happen to me? why this illness? why the abuse? why don't doctors have any way of helping...it just got to a point where i had to stop asking the WHY's , and accept that life isn't fair, and i don't know why these things happened to me or why my high school friends seem happier than me, with their perfect job, family, kids, and i'm all alone...it is what it is, and i am going to have to try and work harder on my life with the problems i've been dealt with, and make it better , because in some strange way, i do believe life can be beautiful

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5 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Feeling sad today but I'm having moments of okayness so I'll take it. Hope sober is having a good time 😘

Sorry to hear you are feeling sad.  I hope you feel better soon. :hugs:

----------------------------------

I am feeling frustrated because I have to deal with difficult people.  😢

It's hot [for me] today.  I am getting weak when it comes to dealing with the heat.  

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9 minutes ago, duck said:

Sorry to hear you are feeling sad.  I hope you feel better soon. :hugs:

----------------------------------

I am feeling frustrated because I have to deal with difficult people.  😢

It's hot [for me] today.  I am getting weak when it comes to dealing with the heat.  

Thanks, I needed a hug today. Sorry you have to deal with those people..

Hopefully you can have a break and some time to yourself soon? :hugs:

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