Jump to content

How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

Recommended Posts

Feeling really down and out.

Had a not so good time at my family event. Anxiety got spiked because I had to spend most of the time with someone who likes to talk. A lot. And loudly. About vacations, farm eqiupment, more vacation talk…ugh. This may sound awful but I cannot stand hearing about stuff like that…and every freaking possible detail as well. And some of the “uncomfortable” people were there and despite not dealing with them directly…their presence was enough to make me uneasy.

Found out today I will not be returning to the office anytime soon. And reading between the lines of what my boss said…maybe not ever. I had mixed feelings about returning but knowing it isn’t likely to happen in the near future…ugh. My working situation at home is not at all ideal and I am going to have to seriously think about what to do as I can’t take it anymore.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Look at it from the positive side just for a second, you did your family event and survived, even if you had your ears bent about the latest tractors and vacation hot spots. You did it!

as to the job and working from home, pros and cons, wish I could actually work but this bout of the blues has me beaten, to where I survive. So you will have a choice if you can continue from home or find something else. 
 

so try to stay positive about the experience with family and dont worry about the future with work, you can only focus on you, right now as you are. Be present with yourself. Hugs

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mom's birthday is on Thursday.  I have to go out on Thursday but I'm not doing anything but sitting here and staring off until then.  I'm very fragile at the moment.  

People talking about vacations made me think of the time I was in a facility when I was younger and the one that ran the place would force us to sit and watch vacation slides and home movies of her every weekend.  People have been so ridiculous and abusive to me in my life.  It's unbelievable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Had the first hearing for the divorce today, it did not go well.

In the legal system, it seems the spoils go to the liars 😞

Next will be a full trial

Havnt been able to hold any food down today - not sure how to drag my ass into work tomorrow

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel like quitting my job again... I'm only 2 months in and I feel so stressed out... I hate myself for not feeling confident in myself... for not meeting the KPI... for feeling like giving up almost every day... for always wanting to cry cos I can't bring myself to get up and work... how to be positive... I tell myself I can choose to be positive but its so hard! Can we really choose to be positive? Sigh... why am I stressing myself up? Because I'm always afraid and thinking of worst case scenarios, which doesn't matter at all right now cos I should be focusing on the now, the present... I have to fight this and be grateful that I have a job... 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, sober4life said:

It's a very sad thing to go through.  How are you doing today?

I'm exhausted from 2 weeks of no sleep and a l'il bit panicky that the love of my life is gone. Scared for myself at the minute. I held it together for her at the vet. I wanted to make sure I was there for her to the end. It was touch and go I was going to manage that, I've been such a mess. Can't help thinking that you would never do that to a human but I just couldn't care for her any more and keep her happy. She was too ill. And it's been making me ill too. 

How are you doing today sober? 

Edited by Nightjar
Link to comment
Share on other sites

42 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

I'm exhausted from 2 weeks of no sleep and a l'il bit panicky that the love of my life is gone. Scared for myself at the minute. I held it together for her at the vet. I wanted to make sure I was there for her to the end. It was touch and go I was going to manage that, I've been such a mess. Can't help thinking that you would never do that to a human but I just couldn't care for her any more and keep her happy. She was too ill. And it's been making me ill too. 

How are you doing today sober? 

Don't worry about me I'm ok.  Just please take care of yourself and I'm always here for you.  I know how you feel believe me.  There is so much pain in this life.  I'm very frustrated I guess is how I feel but I'm never giving up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

57 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Don't worry about me I'm ok.  Just please take care of yourself and I'm always here for you.  I know how you feel believe me.  There is so much pain in this life.  I'm very frustrated I guess is how I feel but I'm never giving up.

Thankyou. It's good to hear you are ok. I'm doing my best to take care of myself though I'm not eating much these past few days. I guess I will know I'm over the worst when my appetite comes back. I'm looking forward to being able to remember all of the happy memories when the pain has subsided. I know that she felt loved and cherished with me and that makes me happy. 

Edited by Nightjar
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

I feel like quitting my job again... I'm only 2 months in and I feel so stressed out... I hate myself for not feeling confident in myself... for not meeting the KPI... for feeling like giving up almost every day... for always wanting to cry cos I can't bring myself to get up and work... how to be positive... I tell myself I can choose to be positive but its so hard! Can we really choose to be positive? Sigh... why am I stressing myself up? Because I'm always afraid and thinking of worst case scenarios, which doesn't matter at all right now cos I should be focusing on the now, the present... I have to fight this and be grateful that I have a job... 

I can relate because I always think of the worst case scenario, but it gets us nowhere., and the truth is they never really come out true, it's usually our minds planning tricks on us..

Focus on today, the now.. why is it stressing you out? I am not that confident in myself either, but I try to push myself, and people tell me I am doing better, but sometimes it's hard to see. We are always very hard on ourselves. Try not to compare yourself to other co-workers, or others at all, we are all different individuals with different strengths and weaknesses ...not sure what KPI is? try to be positive, because it will be worth it in the end...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So much going on in my head and other than the 45 minutes a week I talk with my therapist and posting online…it stays bottled up and makes me feel more sad and hopeless with each passing day. Most of my family members (even if they claim otherwise) don’t care what I have to say and I don’t have and have never had any friends. Any shred of hope I had remaining is now gone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well I got some sleep. I guess first thing in the morning is the hardest time for me at the moment. I don't know how to carry on without her. I can't imagine how I'm supposed to function at the moment but I will have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I can see myself not wanting to be at home a lot in the near future and the house getting very neglected 😬 Well, we can't do it all, can we guys. 

Also have pretty horrible anxiety still. 

Edited by Nightjar
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

I’m sorry this is so sad 😢 It won’t be easy but you’re stronger with her memories, take care of yourself ((hugs)). 

Thankyou. Do you have cats too? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Thankyou. Do you have cats too? 

Yes, she is my husband's cat, I've been with her for 7 years, but she's old, almost 20. She really is a sweetie you know how they are, her hugs are consoling, her meows are touching, her rolling around are cute and makes my day better. Cats are amazing, you just got to honor her for all the unconditional love and kindness she showed you. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
Link to comment
Share on other sites

35 minutes ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

Yes, she is my husband's cat, I've been with her for 7 years, but she's old, almost 20. She really is a sweetie you know how they are, her hugs are consoling, her meows are touching, her rolling around are cute and makes my day better. Cats are amazing, you just got to honor her for all the unconditional love and kindness she showed you. 

Aw, she's lucky to have you. I agree that cats are amazing and I always treat mine like absolute princesses (I always get girls). Not every cat has the owner they deserve but all of the cats here at DF seem to be cherished. Maybe us crazy folk aren't so bad after all 🙃

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/19/2021 at 6:46 AM, monicott17 said:

Lonely, hopeless, sad. I am basically on the outside looking in of life. Weekends should be fun and carefree…for me, they are almost more depressing than weekdays.

I function almost like a normal person when I am working. It's the days I don't work is when I'm really reminded how not normal I really am. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, monicott17 said:

So much going on in my head and other than the 45 minutes a week I talk with my therapist and posting online…it stays bottled up and makes me feel more sad and hopeless with each passing day. Most of my family members (even if they claim otherwise) don’t care what I have to say and I don’t have and have never had any friends. Any shred of hope I had remaining is now gone.

I'm not a very social person and don't like to be around a lot of people. I do really miss having that one person to talk to though. Not about the serious things or how I am feeling. Just the random things I come across or think of that I wish I had someone there to share with. Even just sitting next to them, not even having to say anything at all, just feeling their presence and knowing you have someone on your side. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/21/2021 at 10:40 PM, user1492 said:

Had the first hearing for the divorce today, it did not go well.

In the legal system, it seems the spoils go to the liars 😞

Next will be a full trial

Havnt been able to hold any food down today - not sure how to drag my ass into work tomorrow

Let me try and help you rationalise the procedure. Justice goes to those with the biggest and most aggressive lawyers. If you are a man you lose, especially if you show any signs of empathy. If you are defending yourself based on your believe that justice will prevail, reconsider. Get a lawyer, the extra costs will come out of her money too. Spend it or live with regret as to how the justice system sucks. 
its not about fair, at all. There is no justice. Let me say it again, get a lawyer if you see it going bad after the first hearing. 
sorry you are going through this, I have been cleaned out twice by trying to be fair.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Judges are people that are usually pretty full of themselves.  They will take you showing up without a lawyer as an insult.  It's like showing up with both middle fingers raised to them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm getting my haircut tomorrow for my trip.  I'm going to a new place because the old place is going out of business.  I had to drive up there tonight and make sure I could find the place before going tomorrow.  This is a person that's going to drive across the country.:unsure:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...