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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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I’ve just calculated how much I’ve spent over the last month on Uber eats and pizza delivery and it comes to a massive $691! I can’t believe it and I’m broke as it is but I’ve had no motivation to cook or leave the house so I’ve just been ordering food and stressing about my increasingly dwindling bank balance.. now I know why, even tho I knew the number would be big. I wasn’t quite expecting it to be so high. And if I keep spending how I have been over the next month I’ll actually be flat broke 😞

i need to go back to work but I still don’t feel ready 😔😔😔

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I get the same usually because I set myself up for failure I think. I have the good mood then I become overwhelmed and drop to my knees. My only trick is to literally do one thing at a time, assess how I’m feeling and then do the next. It is mot normal, but I’ve grown to accept its my only path forward......

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I think im starting to feel better because today, and the last few days (one week?) I haven't had the crushing defeat of depression each morning, im still not "ok" but.. I think its lifting a little and I think im going to get my CV out for potential jobs... which I haven't had motivation to do in 6 weeks. And im about to have a shower which I do daily but in the deep darkness of depression sometimes I would only every 2nd (or third!) day because I just couldn't make myself have the energy to do it daily (gross but thats depression right). Hopefully this is an upward trend and ill continue to keep feeling lighter and lighter 🤞🤞🤞

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17 minutes ago, Charlee said:

I think im starting to feel better because today, and the last few days (one week?) I haven't had the crushing defeat of depression each morning, im still not "ok" but.. I think its lifting a little and I think im going to get my CV out for potential jobs... which I haven't had motivation to do in 6 weeks. And im about to have a shower which I do daily but in the deep darkness of depression sometimes I would only every 2nd (or third!) day because I just couldn't make myself have the energy to do it daily (gross but thats depression right). Hopefully this is an upward trend and ill continue to keep feeling lighter and lighter 🤞🤞🤞

never mind. Crushing heaviness came back and I just threw up. Physically feeling as rotten as I feel inside

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3 hours ago, Charlee said:

never mind. Crushing heaviness came back and I just threw up. Physically feeling as rotten as I feel inside

Sorry sweetie. Is being sick a part of your depression? 

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12 hours ago, nojoy said:

Long story short - my mood dropped dramatically, got what I needed & left to cry on the way home.  

Yes, I recognise that dramatic drop in mood. For me, it's usually triggered by being around other people. But those damned humans are hard to avoid!! 😬

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8 hours ago, sober4life said:

I've been spraying the tree that was getting attacked and I just saw that it has a bloom on it.  That makes me feel good.  It's looking better.❤️

Yay sober! ❤️

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Well I had a good sleep last night so I'm doing better than yesterday. I've decided to stop with mini's steroids because they were wiping her out and she was avoiding her food... So today, she's happier because she can eat uncontaminated food again! 

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12 hours ago, Charlee said:

Crushing heaviness came back and I just threw up. Physically feeling as rotten as I feel inside

I am so sorry to read that because my inside controls my health as well. So I know what you say and what you go through. I sure hope you feel better and get back on an upward track. There has to be a way to get that heaviness off and let the body rest and the mind ease. Simply - Feel better Charlee !

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Exhausted. Full time work is too much. It's too hot to sleep at night. My house is a mess because I have no time or energy to clean. I hate having to try to put on a front and be social at work. The driving to and fro sucks. I'm more miserable than being unemployed and broke.

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I have high anxiety today. Yesterday was probably one of the worst days of my life.... I was thinking that mini lion's demise was imminent and I couldn't cope with the stress and sleep deprivation caused by her illness. I've been doing my best to relax today but I guess loneliness and stress aren't a good combination. I don't want to be tied to the house any more. I need people in my life again! 

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On 6/3/2021 at 6:43 PM, Charlee said:

Yes I live by money isn’t worth it if your job makes you miserable (and you’ve got the resources to quit etc)

I don't really have the resources...right now I'm dealing with an abscessed tooth that is painful AF...but I can't afford to get it yanked or anything.

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19 hours ago, Charlee said:

never mind. Crushing heaviness came back and I just threw up. Physically feeling as rotten as I feel inside

Sorry Charlee, I’m guessing it wasn't something you ate. Sincerely hope you are feeling a little better, for getting it out. Now try to focus on the good start you had and try to build on that. This illness is real and has to be treated as such. People who suffer from a physical illness have at least some hope that in a month, after an operation or treatment they will recover. We mental sufferers have at best a distant hope or rely on luck to get the right balance of pills 

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6 hours ago, worly said:

Exhausted. Full time work is too much. It's too hot to sleep at night. My house is a mess because I have no time or energy to clean. I hate having to try to put on a front and be social at work. The driving to and fro sucks. I'm more miserable than being unemployed and broke.

I hear you. Depression makes it hard for me to think, work uses all the energy, and now the lack of sleep from heat... it's suffocating. I'm sorry you're dealing with it too. 

My house bakes in the SW sun and then the bricks hold the heat at night. One trick is to shoot a spray bottle at the ceiling fan -- instant mist.

Wishing you some rest.

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2 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I don't really have the resources...right now I'm dealing with an abscessed tooth that is painful AF...but I can't afford to get it yanked or anything.

I dont have the resources either, thats awful, can you at least get antibiotics for it? Two of my wisdom teeth have big cavities and I cant afford to get them pulled either. And if I dont get a job soon I will run out of money. Sorry for your situation, I hope it improves soon 🤞

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7 hours ago, worly said:

Exhausted. Full time work is too much. It's too hot to sleep at night. My house is a mess because I have no time or energy to clean. I hate having to try to put on a front and be social at work. The driving to and fro sucks. I'm more miserable than being unemployed and broke.

I feel you big time. Im currently unemployed and broke because I cant bring myself to get a job I know ill hate and make me more miserable. I hope your situation improves, ill most likely have to join it soon 😕 Capitalist societies aren't designed to include us.  

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2 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

Sorry Charlee, I’m guessing it wasn't something you ate. Sincerely hope you are feeling a little better, for getting it out. Now try to focus on the good start you had and try to build on that. This illness is real and has to be treated as such. People who suffer from a physical illness have at least some hope that in a month, after an operation or treatment they will recover. We mental sufferers have at best a distant hope or rely on luck to get the right balance of pills 

Thanks yeah, that doesn't normally happen I was just getting so panicky and worked up I just threw up 🤷🏼 I feel a bit better today, I swear my brain plays tricks on me, its like when I acknowledge Im starting to feel better my brain goes "NOPE NOT TODAY SIS". Whatever, one day at a time right 🤞

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8 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I have high anxiety today. Yesterday was probably one of the worst days of my life.... I was thinking that mini lion's demise was imminent and I couldn't cope with the stress and sleep deprivation caused by her illness. I've been doing my best to relax today but I guess loneliness and stress aren't a good combination. I don't want to be tied to the house any more. I need people in my life again! 

Hope you're feeling better today, is your cat ok? I often have dreams about my cat being hit by a car or dying in some way and it causes all sorts of stress and anxiety for the following days 😕 I can so relate about needing people, I go back and fourth from being too scared and thinking ill be alone forever and thats ok but then the loneliness gets bad and .. yeah it'd be really nice to have people to chat too irl. Hope you're ok ❤️

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9 hours ago, Svenetc said:

I am so sorry to read that because my inside controls my health as well. So I know what you say and what you go through. I sure hope you feel better and get back on an upward track. There has to be a way to get that heaviness off and let the body rest and the mind ease. Simply - Feel better Charlee !

Thank you, I do feel better today 🤗

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17 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Yes, I recognise that dramatic drop in mood. For me, it's usually triggered by being around other people. But those damned humans are hard to avoid!! 😬

same, I just forced myself to go to the supermarket and I was scared, like actually shaking. I dont know what it is. On Sunday I felt like I had a normal human experience where I went out with my flatmate and his friends to a Mozart opera and then dinner at a Japanese restaurant and it was nice, tho I couldn't get out of my head I was quiet and awkward and scared. Ugh and then yesterday was a bad day, people trigger it for me too even though Im trying to get myself out into the world a little 🙆🏼 life is hard. 

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17 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Yes, I recognise that dramatic drop in mood. For me, it's usually triggered by being around other people. But those damned humans are hard to avoid!! 😬

Sit near me, I am told I am devoid of human emotion!

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On 6/13/2021 at 6:35 PM, Extremebeginner said:

I have the good mood then I become overwhelmed and drop to my knees. My only trick is to literally do one thing at a time, assess how I’m feeling and then do the next. It is mot normal, but I’ve grown to accept its my only path forward..

I feel overwhelmed most days. Then add in the overthinking things and I'm headed to bed to hide.  The therapist says pick one thing that needs to be done, set a timer for 5 minutes and if you feel like continuing when time's up, that's good but if you stop at 5 minutes that's okay too. Unfortunately for me, I beat myself up alot about not getting things done.

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