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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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I don't feel like, I've accomplished.  You know?  That pat yourself on your back.  Or, am I being too hard on myself.  Yeah, I see I'm not the only one with severe mood swings.  But I rarely ever feel that overwhelming joy, happy feeling.  Ugh, what if I do accomplish and then I don't feel happy?  AHHHHHHH!  

I need my spaceship to come get me now.  LOL.

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That's a good point.  They say I have severe mood swings too but I haven't felt happy since what the 90s.  Where's the really happy day?  I don't feel it.  I feel really manic some days and sometimes think it's happiness but it's not.

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If I were offered a happy day I would probably not be happy. Since it would be a fake happy day and not based on my actual daily life experience. I think this makes since. Anyway I can't get out of bed today after eating canned peaches. Did you know can fruit comes from China? Second time I've ate canned fruit and got sick. Hmmmm lol haha haha boing boing 🙉  

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Concerned about where things might be headed. I struggle immensely with making descisions of any kind really...even deciding what I want for dinner can be a dilemma at times. Something far bigger than that is likely going to be a pressing matter I need to decide on much sooner than I thought. I am nowhere near ready to make a descision but circumstances may force me to and I cannot handle that.

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2 hours ago, watalife said:

If I were offered a happy day I would probably not be happy. Since it would be a fake happy day and not based on my actual daily life experience. I think this makes since. Anyway I can't get out of bed today after eating canned peaches. Did you know can fruit comes from China? Second time I've ate canned fruit and got sick. Hmmmm lol haha haha boing boing 🙉  

I always get canned peaches.  It's another food that's gone way down hill.  Half the time it tastes like jello floating in water.  The only place I'm going to get real peaches from here on out is from the tree in the yard.  I think the food of today is ******* me.

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1 hour ago, Another Statistic said:

I guess the upside to that is freedom. Taking life changing risks is a heck of a lot easier when you have nothing left to lose!

Ah, cripes. That's exactly what I was trying to say to JD about his retirement but it came out all stoopid. Well said! 

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On 5/16/2021 at 10:11 PM, Charlee said:

a friend of a friend is stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship, she's not allowed to see her friends or even have friends, I wish there was something I could do to help, I can only imagine how terrible and mind ****ing and confusing it must be for her. All his problems are blamed on her, everything "wrong" she does are because she's a terrible worthless person that cant survive in this world without him. omg I wish there was something that could be done for her. Im scared for her, emotional power and abuse like that almost always turns physical, im so terrified for her, theres nothing I can do to help, police cant intervene, she's stuck in this horrible dangerous situation and theres nothing anyone can do to help her 😞 

Emotional abuse is domestic violence and help is available if she wants it. Ou call the police and explain what is happening, they will intervene and move her to a safe house

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It has been so tough for me today. I feel like I am losing at life. It's really hard for me to open up and express my feelings because that's not how I grew up. In my house, we were told to be quiet. 

I've been working at a steakhouse and making pretty good money off of tips alone. But I hate it. It started to mess with me mentally. I get home so late, my feet hurt from running around for 8+ hours, and I never get my Fridays or Saturdays to spend with friends and family. So I put my two weeks notice that I was quitting without having another job in line. Not the brightest decision, I know.

But I had high hopes. I get a lot of recruiters from LinkedIn requesting interviews. Professionally, I am a copywriter... or was. My job search has been OK at best. But today really put me over the edge. 

Last Thursday, I had an interview that went really well. I moved on to the next step of the interview process, which was a writing assignment. I was asked to write how to start content marketing for your small business. The guy who interviewed me (my potential boss) said that there's no hard deadline for it. Cool. I told him that I'd have it back to him on Monday. His literal response was "That's perfect! If it ends up being Tuesday, don't sweat it."

Well, looks like I should have sweat it. I should have sweated it hard. I submitted it on Monday as promised but he complained to my recruiter saying "Uh... I gave this to her on Thursday afternoon and she gave it to me 4 days later. It should have been a priority." WTH? I had prior commitments (e.g. I had to work at the restaurant and my best friend drove 9 nines to see me for her birthday that weekend). He also complained he doesn't like that I've only worked for a small company before now.

I was SO INFURIATED!!!!!!!!!! 🤬 But of course, I didn't express how upset I was because I still need a job. I am desperate for it. I will work for this jerk if I have to. Why couldn't he just be more transparent? He even said that if I turned my assignment in a day after I promised that it would still be ok. Ugh. I hate this. If I had more of a choice, then I wouldn't work for him. I think that's very poor taste on his part to say two different things and his lies would just transfer to the workplace. Sadly, if he offers me the job (I doubt it now), then I would have to say yes.

My bank account balance is -$146.00, yes, that's a minus sign in front of the $. I have a negative account balance, unpaid credit card statements, unpaid bills, and I still owe my ex $2,500. Oh, and taxes were due today. I had to pay $610. Obviously, I didn't have it. So I paid half with a credit card and the other is on an IRS payment plan.

I am so screwed. I looked for a financial advisor but that's another $1,500-$3,000 I don't have.

I guess you can say that I'm whining and complaining. But I just had to get all of this off of my chest or else I can't sleep tonight. Thank you to anyone who actually read this. Good night.

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3 hours ago, KarinaIsLost said:

Thank you to anyone who actually read this

I read all of it and can relay. I can't give advise though but maybe encouragement. I posted something similar a while back on here as well. Just having that urge to make a change and to make a bold move is overwhelming at times. But it is there - that is the point. How to deal with it I do not know. Running away is probably not helping, but yet it frees you out of a confinement while getting into another one. I wish I could just think rational on one hand and with my inner self on the other. But I bet nothing ever would be accomplished. So I just go day by day. One is good and the next one I do not know yet...might be good or not. Hang in there ! 

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I am still around but feel very tired.  I am sleeping more than usual.    I re-started Clonazepam/Rivotril and that's probably the culprit but on the positive side my headaches and sore neck are less.  I am scheduled to see my family doctor on Wednesday.

After some sunny and warm weather we are expecting rain and snow Tuesday and Wednesday respectively.     I don't like snow But we need it because it is so dry.  

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Not good. Day was wasted on something that takes 10 minutes to resolve. Because someone don't want to do there job. Now if we can't get good people to do the jobs of helping other people, what does that say about these people. This world is done. This experiment will self destruct in five.       Four.    Three.   Two.   One 💥 

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I get up, put on my 'work' face and costume, spend all day being energetic, funny - talk to lots and lots of people.

Get home, look for anything 'fun', find a whole whack of work to do....no fun

Give up and go to sleep on the couch.

Repeat over and over and over....

 

 

 

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Well, I was just about holding it together but last night I had a few phone calls about the move which threw me into a tailspin. 

I got about 4 hours sleep. Woke up panicking again today. This reminds me of what markinthedark was dealing with when he was last posting here. His home was on the line too but in a worse way than mine because he was running out of money to fund his rent. 

He used to wake up panicking too. It's pretty awful. No thing should be worth this amount of stress but when the roof over our head and a life's worth of belongings is in question it's a big challenge to sit with. 

Edited by Nightjar
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44 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Well, I was just about holding it together but last night I had a few phone calls about the move which threw me into a tailspin. 

I got about 4 hours sleep. Woke up panicking again today. This reminds me of what markinthedark was dealing with when he was last posting here. His home was on the line too but in a worse way than mine because he was running out of money to fund his rent. 

He used to wake up panicking too. It's pretty awful. No thing should be worth this amount of stress but when the roof over our head and a life's worth of belongings is in question it's a big challenge to sit with. 

I think money is the most important thing.  Without money we get stressed.  I have a former friend named Joe.   He never gets stressed about money because he has a way of making people feel sorry for him who in turn give him cash.

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2 hours ago, duck said:

I think money is the most important thing.  Without money we get stressed.  I have a former friend named Joe.   He never gets stressed about money because he has a way of making people feel sorry for him who in turn give him cash.

Unfortunately, that's true about money. Well, at least if we forget impractical idealism and are brutally honest. There's not much of a support system anywhere in the world, particularly in the US.

It's also particularly unfair. I guess someone like Joe can thrive. Others include those who inherit money and live off their portfolios without having to do a thing. It's pure dumb luck as to whether you're completely free from such worries or forced to stress out every day because of them.

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