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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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10 hours ago, Bulgakov said:

Make a moving box for you first night or two in your new place.  Take what you'd take with you to a motel, then add plate cup utensil, bathroom towel, paper towels, a pot if you want ramen . . . The things you will need for the first night or two. 

Top tip, thank you. I do sorta know it but you reminded me about the toothbrush! 😅 Believe me, moving brain needs help. I was all about the kettle and cups 🤔🇬🇧😂

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7 hours ago, Charlee said:

i feel like im dead, or I should be dead. not good just not good. im not sleeping well or eating well, my thoughts are not good. I do not feel good, im not working atm and since I finished my masters degree I really have nothing to do which is both a good and a bad thing because I was feeling really burnt out at the end but now ive nothing to get up for so its like a free-for-all for all the depression thoughts to come banging back in loud and clear. I cant win ever and now im just......... what's the point 😞 

(sorry if this is too heavy for this thread, I wasn't sure whether to post this here or make a fresh thread) 

Hey charlee. You sre being honest about how you feel and you are at a low point. Finished your masters, no jobs screaming out for you . Nothing to get up for however we can change that. Look for something simple, either around the house a project you can do slowly, or look for a job doing something easy but enjoyable to get a little reward, and to meet people. Something you would not normally go for but that could get you meeting people again. Small steps  to findca little slice of enjoyment and build from there🤗

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5 hours ago, Michael1985 said:

Serious anxiety, depair, and suicidal ideation about my job. 😞

Are you on any meds or under care of a pdoc? Speak to them, if you can please speak to an employee assistance program or crisis hotline. Remember your job can be quit, another one found but if there are deeper issues its not that easy. Professional assistance, and if necessary admit yourself to the hospital. They will evaluate you, det you some counselling.

i hope this is a storm in a tea cup and you can see some positives in your life. Breath, relax, think of something nicer from before and take the best step to look after you.

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15 hours ago, duck said:

I think I will get an older van and live inside.  I can drive all over North America and meet new people.  I think nomad life is best for me.

I would go around in the van dressed like Ronald McDonald giving people half eaten cheeseburgers.

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20 hours ago, Ixeua said:

Yeah same. Over the past year I have been coming to Depression Forums more often to read people's posts. I think I should go back and see a psychiatrist. These days most doctors' schedules are full due to the spike in people seeking mental health help because of the pandemic and all the ways that has affected people's lives. 

Im glad that you intend to go back to see a psychiatrist. I understand the busy schedule of the psychiatrist because of the pandemic. 

Do you hv a place that provide support through phone calls for depression. Maybe they can help you. You can also meet them at their office, but they are not psychiatrist. 

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1 hour ago, Camellia said:

provide support through phone calls

Hi, I tried that. And it went way south....actually made it all worse. I had it via phone at first and it was kinda ok.... than she wanted Zoom. One time and I could not do another session. I explained the reason to her office though . Guess it depends on both parties, but for me it was over. I can spend an hour on the phone with somebody I trust or chat for hours. But I can't overcome the fear of "being just a patient"

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19 hours ago, duck said:

I think I will get an older van and live inside.  I can drive all over North America and meet new people.  I think nomad life is best for me.

This  has been my dream for years. I sold my old van last year because it needed so much work. Wish I hadn't done that. I have a smaller compact car now but it doesn't have nearly as much room inside as the van did (big surprise).  I want something big enough for my three cats and me to coexist within comfortably. 

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

I would go around in the van dressed like Ronald McDonald giving people half eaten cheeseburgers.

You're hired!

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15 hours ago, Michael1985 said:

Serious anxiety, depair, and suicidal ideation about my job. 😞

I had to finally "retire" because I was feeling so much despondency about my job. I can't afford to retire of course, but for some reason, I thought that being broke and retired was better than having an income but always feeling dread and extreme anxiety. My last day was this past Friday, though I'm still finishing a project for the employer. 

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It's been a very hard day.  One of my old friends is in the hospital.  He's not expected to make it much longer at all.  He's only 40.  I don't think anyone partied harder than he did.  We had such amazing times.  I would love to go back to those care free times.  Now all there is is constant worry.  I can't see him either because we're not family.😒

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2 hours ago, Another Statistic said:

sometimes your entire world has to crumble before you can move forward again

exactly at that point and no clue how to move on ..... that is why I am on this platform

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22 minutes ago, sober4life said:

One of my old friends is in the hospital.  He's not expected to make it much longer at all.

Seems like I have something to reply to everything posted .... well I could ...but I refrain from it ...however. I had a close friend who was ill and  I watched him pass. No fun. I was there for years, every step, any hope and any downfall with him and my former gf.. But to let him go was the hardest deal I have ever done.20+ years ago. Never forgotten. His name was Luis Fernandez. If he could read that he would be happy that he is not forgotten.

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Posted (edited)

I'm an early bird. Woke up yesterday an hour ago.

Made some coffee to start the new day... cried myself dry. I wish I could cry some more.

 

edit: hell, there must be a song in this one somewhere

Edited by APFSDS
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11 minutes ago, Svenetc said:

Seems like I have something to reply to everything posted .... well I could ...but I refrain from it ...however. I had a close friend who was ill and  I watched him pass. No fun. I was there for years, every step, any hope and any downfall with him and my former gf.. But to let him go was the hardest deal I have ever done.20+ years ago. Never forgotten. His name was Luis Fernandez. If he could read that he would be happy that he is not forgotten.

My friend is someone I'm very proud of.  He has always been himself his whole life.  He lived the nomad life or the drifter life we've been talking about the last ten years.  Most of the time nobody could find him.  He lived way off the grid usually in a tent somewhere.  He would come into town from time to time and then just vanish again for a long time.  It is possible.

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39 minutes ago, sober4life said:

My friend is someone I'm very proud of.  He has always been himself his whole life

So was mine... but he was not a drifter. He had an apartment, was running a  Video Sale for VHS back then ...all Horror Movies ... not my turf.... however ...when he ended up in the hospital I kept filling his Video orders for him  and went to visit every day. He would have done anything and everything to 1) stay alive and 2) to get me back with my gf .... all failed though. But yet here many years later I talk about him .... Gotta have that in life 🙂

 

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On 5/11/2021 at 3:06 PM, Rach4masaya said:

I’m sorry I feel for you.  It seems like every time I try to put myself out there more I end up regretting it and I feel so stressed afterwards.  If you weren’t here anymore there would be a void left in peoples lives.  I’m glad you shared because even though I have never met you I feel like your honesty makes me feel not so alone.

 Thank you for your kind words.  It's just an awful cycle.  You are definitely not alone @Rach4masaya  if there is anything you need, please don't hesitate to reach out.

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a friend of a friend is stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship, she's not allowed to see her friends or even have friends, I wish there was something I could do to help, I can only imagine how terrible and mind ****ing and confusing it must be for her. All his problems are blamed on her, everything "wrong" she does are because she's a terrible worthless person that cant survive in this world without him. omg I wish there was something that could be done for her. Im scared for her, emotional power and abuse like that almost always turns physical, im so terrified for her, theres nothing I can do to help, police cant intervene, she's stuck in this horrible dangerous situation and theres nothing anyone can do to help her 😞 

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Got about 6 hours sleep again. Not great but it will have to do... Lots and lots to do again today. Just need to keep pushing through today and for the next 5 days. Hopefully after that I will be home and dry (as long as the river doesn't flood before then😂)

Did I mention my new home is by the river? Lol. 

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I used to live close enough to a river that I could see it from where I was living for 4 years.  Did it ever flood?  No they kept the river well below flood stage the whole time.  I would hope they maintain the river there too.

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