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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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I've been waking up at 6 am lately and staying awake 😬 It's not so bad, I go to bed earlier but I'm not getting enough sleep as I do have an ongoing lingering tiredness which isn't great. I was a bit wheezy this morning. Probably from the pollution in this city, which is bad... 

... Still working on getting outta here... Wow, it's hard work ⚒️

Anyway folks, have a great day today and if it can't be great, have a day. It will be enough 🐙

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On 4/21/2021 at 3:28 PM, sober4life said:

I feel very scared and very hopeless.

Sorry you feel that way ! Same here though.... it is going to be one of those days.....Don't know what to think or what to do. I hate that feeling

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I wish I could be more hopeful but the truth is I'm getting to the point where I'm afraid to even talk about how I'm feeling anymore because everyone expects me to feel better by now but I don't really.  I have no idea what to do.  I'm afraid to do anything or go anywhere.  I don't know what to do.  I'm very frustrated and don't feel like I'm ever going to feel better.

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11 minutes ago, sober4life said:

everyone expects me to feel better by now but I don't really

This is exactly where I am at. I just went to work and only stayed for 2 hours. ( I can kinda flex around with my days and hours ) . I left a note stating that my mind is just not there today. Everyone thinks and tells me that all will get better - and sometimes I believe it and feel like it - , but it does not happen. I always get pulled back to reality by just having a wrong thought at the wrong time. I flip from "happy" to devastated in a matter of a minute.  It really sucks because I can't control my thoughts. All it takes is a trigger and I am done for the day.. That can be a word, a picture or just a random thought.

Edited by Svenetc
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On 4/20/2021 at 6:18 PM, Amaya said:

i feel in the grips of loss.  loss of friends.  loss of a relationship that i invested so much love, time, and energy in.  loss of myself and who i used to be.  loss of sobriety.  loss of clean streaks against self harm.  loss of control. loss of motivation

i feel at a loss of most of the lovely things in my life, and i feel like im failing in all i do.

Wow. I'm sorry you're going through all of that. I know it doesn't help any, but I can definitely relate.

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17 hours ago, Epictetus said:

I just had the worst episode of heartburn in my life.  Excruciating pain in my esophagus and back, light-headedness, cold sweat.  Yikes. Didn't know a human body could experience such pain and still live.

Might be a gallstone? Or pancreatitis? I've had both and they are awful. The pancreatitis felt like I had a white hot knife stuck into my belly.

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

Might be a gallstone? Or pancreatitis? I've had both and they are awful. The pancreatitis felt like I had a white hot knife stuck into my belly.

Or it could be his heart.  The light-headedness worries me.  Sometimes people think it's heartburn when they're having a heart attack.

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3 hours ago, Soarsie18 said:

Lonely and like a loser, 20 years old and sitting in this flat by myself

 

3 hours ago, Soarsie18 said:

I want to die, and I feel safe saying that here, I am tired

Soarsie, take a deep breath..... and let it go.

what did you do today that you felt good about, no matter how small. Here to help you as best I can, understand how you feel but honestly you are at an age where things can and will change for the better. If you split with your bf, then it was meant to be, you will find somebody else who loves you as you deserve to be loved. You have a life ahead of you full of ups and downs. You will be ok. Hugs

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14 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

 

Soarsie, take a deep breath..... and let it go.

what did you do today that you felt good about, no matter how small. Here to help you as best I can, understand how you feel but honestly you are at an age where things can and will change for the better. If you split with your bf, then it was meant to be, you will find somebody else who loves you as you deserve to be loved. You have a life ahead of you full of ups and downs. You will be ok. Hugs

I don’t think I did anything yesterday that made me feel good bar eating ok ish, today I woke up and found that a scammer had taken £50 pounds out of my account, and as an unemployed student living in London, that was all the money I had. I am so devastated and angry with myself, but have meditated today and so am feeling better already, I’ve postponed all chores in order to focus on myself today. Thank you so much for your kind words.

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I had another incident yesterday where I couldn't do something I really wanted to because of anxiety. I felt down but I didn't give myself too much of a hard time about it... Hopefully I can do it another time. I can't blame myself, I'm already dealing with a lot. 

Got the usual daily emotional blackmail going on from narc mom. I can't wait to cut that off for good. I'm getting there I think. Number and email change is gonna have to do it. It will be a giant weight lifted.. But in the meantime, I have to stick it out a little longer 🤔

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On 4/25/2021 at 8:11 AM, APFSDS said:

I feel like garbage... useless.

 

On 4/25/2021 at 8:29 AM, watalife said:

I feel like garbage also. Rotting on the inside and deteriorating on the outside.

Here are a few positive things about garbage.

1 - it is not always rotting, in fact just waiting to be tranformed into something useful

2 - we can make lots of things with the kids out of the clean garbage, a bit of tape and some crayons

3 - garbage has value, in those old electronics is gold, platinum and many other precious metals, gems waiting to be found 

So feeling like garbage may not be a bad thing, it might be the start of something better. I’m always looking for positive things these days, And I’m not making light of how you are feeling just offering hope that it wont stay that way

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On 4/24/2021 at 5:35 PM, sober4life said:

I feel sore from head to toe and very drained.  I barely have enough strenth and energy to do the bare minimum that needs to be done and that's probably going to be the rest of the month.  Make it to May is the goal.🤕

The month is nearly done, you can do it! You will rise like a phoenix

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3 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I had another incident yesterday where I couldn't do something I really wanted to because of anxiety. I felt down but I didn't give myself too much of a hard time about it... Hopefully I can do it another time. I can't blame myself, I'm already dealing with a lot. 

Got the usual daily emotional blackmail going on from narc mom. I can't wait to cut that off for good. I'm getting there I think. Number and email change is gonna have to do it. It will be a giant weight lifted.. But in the meantime, I have to stick it out a little longer 🤔

You are dealing with a lot, and Im sending you good energy to help.

can I suggest a different approach with your narc intruder. Simply cut the relationship not change your number..... that will feed her, she will find it and look at you and say something. Write to her and tell her that you will nit be treated in this way, and that unless she can respect the following boundaries, which you set, then you no longer will open or process any mail, electronic or otherwise, that she sends.

avoiding the issue delays dealing with it. Tell her what your boundaries are, the sooner the better. You will have anxiety for a while until she reacts, but she either agrees with you or you have no further contact. No need for a lawyer to lay that one out. Write it, hold it, rewrite it and send it.

fyi, I am a very anxious person working through a narcissist ex,  mother of my son who lives with me. You have to define the boundary not feed her 

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You know what I want out of life? Instead of being constantly pummeled by all kinds of external forces beyond my control, I want to be holed up in a 12' x 16' room (3.66 X 4.88 meters) with an attached bathroom. Have my cats in there and my books. That's it. Just lock me in there until I snuff it. No TV, no phone...only books. Oh, and food. Maybe peanut butter, apples, and water.

I don't need to strive for stuff. Just let me live out what's left of my miserable existence in an isolated room. 

Edited by JD4010
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