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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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3 hours ago, watalife said:

I feel like I'm about to shut this phone off for a couple months to save my 50$. The only reason I have a phone is for one person and we barely talk.  And to read this stuff all day. And people are ruining my day through this phone!

I'm cutting down my time on here. I find most posts are all just more depression piled on top of my own depression. It isn't positive or helpful in many cases. Instead I'm starting to take free courses online and maybe find a different solution to dealing with depression.

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Just now, In2deep4me said:

free courses online and maybe find a different solution

Best Luck In2--"free" and "different" always get my attention too.  Thanks for playing.🤠

Bulgakov

Edited by Bulgakov
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The phone is a way to keep people from coming here.  Does it work?  Of course not.  The worst invention in my entire lifetime was making a device where people know they can talk to me all the time forever.  I want to smash it on the wall and break into a million pieces.

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

The phone is a way to keep people from coming here.  Does it work?  Of course not.  The worst invention in my entire lifetime was making a device where people know they can talk to me all the time forever.  I want to smash it on the wall and break into a million pieces.

I have a phobia of talking on the phone. I think it came from so many years of getting screamed at by unhappy customers. It doesn't help that I've always been much more able to express myself through writing rather than speaking. I honestly can't think fast enough to hold a conversation with someone. I feel "slow" as a result.  

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12 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I have a phobia of talking on the phone. I think it came from so many years of getting screamed at by unhappy customers. It doesn't help that I've always been much more able to express myself through writing rather than speaking. I honestly can't think fast enough to hold a conversation with someone. I feel "slow" as a result.  

At this point my mind pretty much goes blank.  I pretty much blackout through phone conversations.  I just mumble short responses until it's over.  I'm done with people.  They've damaged me too much.  This experience is another one where I can't possibly be the same when it's over.  I basically act like someone that just got back from the war last week.  Completely terrified of everyone and constantly on edge ready to run.

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i feel in the grips of loss.  loss of friends.  loss of a relationship that i invested so much love, time, and energy in.  loss of myself and who i used to be.  loss of sobriety.  loss of clean streaks against self harm.  loss of control. loss of motivation

i feel at a loss of most of the lovely things in my life, and i feel like im failing in all i do.

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Yesterday is horrible as usual. Why am I getting used to crying to sleep and praying that I don't wake up. But of course, I woke up this morning, then we apologized to each other. Sigh. Still with that empty feeling inside. Why the vicious cycle. Need to pick myself up again. Need to be grateful again. Need to smile again. 

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10 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I know the feeling. I get harrassed 24/7 on mine. I'm probably going to change my number 🤔 I'm soo addicted to the Internet too. I'm hoping I can get off it when I don't need to use it so much. 

There is an app somebody told me about, that screens calls way better than the standard phone features. It also doesnt give your number out, but a made up number, so people or companies cannot call you back. I don’t remember what its called, sorry, because I turned the ringer off on my phone and only respond if somebody leaves me a message. Unless I am expecting a call or recognise the number, the phone doesn't currently bother me.... 

email bothers me now🤓

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I've been having happy dreams with mom.  It's me and my brother as kids but we're all 3 in the afterlife together.  The sun is so bright and the sky is so blue and we're all happy again.  I can feel her hug and hear her voice and it's her when she was young and strong.  She was the best mom ever.  She was there for me every second that I needed her for everything and I was there for her.  We helped each other through this life.  To go from that a very happy life to running over to the window screaming who's that when anyone comes up the driveway.  I can't live the rest of my life this way.  This would have been a happy place for us but now with just me this place might as well be on fire the whole time it's so miserable.

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14 hours ago, In2deep4me said:

I'm cutting down my time on here. I find most posts are all just more depression piled on top of my own depression. It isn't positive or helpful in many cases. Instead I'm starting to take free courses online and maybe find a different solution to dealing with depression.

Hey 2deep. I'm glad you're finding other outlets to be a positive thing for you.... It doesn't matter if you dip in and out a bit here. I don't think anyone's gonna judge. 

You do have friends here and we ain't gonna forget you that easily, if at all 😜

People tend to remember who stood by them when the chips were down 🦋

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6 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

There is an app somebody told me about, that screens calls way better than the standard phone features. It also doesnt give your number out, but a made up number, so people or companies cannot call you back. I don’t remember what its called, sorry, because I turned the ringer off on my phone and only respond if somebody leaves me a message. Unless I am expecting a call or recognise the number, the phone doesn't currently bother me.... 

email bothers me now🤓

Thankyou, that sounds great. I really need something like that 👍

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It's difficult to push back at feelings of ambivalence about grad school after days like today, when technology and teaching totally failed. 

But on a positive note, I can feel proud that I'm finding new and different ways to learn. The deficiencies of online school has motivated me to read books which i selected, watch videos i find, listen to podcasts and attend webinars. I might not have reason to take control of my education in this way if things were different. 

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9 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

There is an app somebody told me about, that screens calls way better than the standard phone features. It also doesnt give your number out, but a made up number, so people or companies cannot call you back. I don’t remember what its called, sorry, because I turned the ringer off on my phone and only respond if somebody leaves me a message. Unless I am expecting a call or recognise the number, the phone doesn't currently bother me.... 

email bothers me now🤓

When I call it still says the name of the person that had the phone before me when I got it 3 years ago and it will 10 years from now if I still have the phone.  You should change it they say.  I'm never changing it.

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So glad to have a break from my mother. She's very taxing. Well intended, but taxing. I actually unintentionally find myself avoiding age peers and other social peers that are like her, personailtywise.. 

Edited by Handon Frypan
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17 hours ago, Amaya said:

i feel in the grips of loss.  loss of friends.  loss of a relationship that i invested so much love, time, and energy in.  loss of myself and who i used to be.  loss of sobriety.  loss of clean streaks against self harm.  loss of control. loss of motivation

i feel at a loss of most of the lovely things in my life, and i feel like im failing in all i do.

Hi Amaya, when I read your post I felt the need to write something, I lost my sobriety as well a long time ago, but I’m not going to give up on hope, because at this point that’s all any one has, especially me! But, I pass that hope on to you as well, with strength in yourself and faith in god, we can overcome anything big or small!! The people in this forum are just like us, no different, we put our heads down and plow through the best that we can, and we try best we can to help one another, I hope I’ve helped you a little with this post, and I hope you feel better real soon! Contact me anytime via post if you feel the need to!

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1 hour ago, Floor2017 said:

I feel like a windshield wiper, when rain comes in your life just wipe it away so that you can see

But sometimes you have to change the blades or it would be a blurry vision . I wipe all the time, but it just takes one drop of "life's rain" and I can't see. So I need to get new blades or better yet make a bold change.

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12 minutes ago, Svenetc said:

But sometimes you have to change the blades or it would be a blurry vision . I wipe all the time, but it just takes one drop of "life's rain" and I can't see. So I need to get new blades or better yet make a bold change.

So, true my friend it is all about the mind set and what you do about the rain. 🌧 

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44 minutes ago, Wiswash said:

Hi Amaya, when I read your post I felt the need to write something, I lost my sobriety as well a long time ago, but I’m not going to give up on hope, because at this point that’s all any one has, especially me! But, I pass that hope on to you as well, with strength in yourself and faith in god, we can overcome anything big or small!! The people in this forum are just like us, no different, we put our heads down and plow through the best that we can, and we try best we can to help one another, I hope I’ve helped you a little with this post, and I hope you feel better real soon! Contact me anytime via post if you feel the need to!

I do agree with you that we just plow through it. Life can be difficult at times but with hope and God anything is possible.

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On 4/19/2021 at 7:00 PM, APFSDS said:

Ashamed.
A postal service employee personally came to give me a notice of unpaid taxes after her shift was over. I was rude to her on the phone as I was busy and didn't believe it was genuine.
Me = what a fing c***.
I apologised... gonna buy her some sweets and a card. It's just not right what I did.

We are only human:)

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