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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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On 4/2/2021 at 1:53 PM, Extremebeginner said:

Welcome Monicott. Tough times presently for a lot of us, welcome to our group where you should feel free to discuss how you are feeling, without being judged. What’s happenning to make you feel this way, anything triggered you or did you just find us. We are a friendly bunch, read some of the forum posts, you will see. 
above all we listen

Thanks. I’ve struggled with anxiety and OCD most of my life but now the depression has started to overtake that. All bad news. All the time. All doom and gloom. It gets to me. I am unhappy with my job, have been for awhile and working from home for the past year, as well as into the foreseeable future is not making me feel good. Plus, I’ve got bad health anxiety and having a bad flare up now.

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11 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

Scared of his reaction or scared that you did it? Either way I believe that to be honest with him may be the best approach, obviously depending on his character. The clearer the communication the better the trust and bond. 
You didnt sleep with somebody else, you got drunk, so if your boyfriend is a decent guy he will accept it, and appreciate your honesty.

try in the meantime to relax and understand what happened

I was honest with him and told him and soon as it happened, I knew he was upset, he said that we’d talk about it when he got back. I felt bad because I could tell from his voice cracking that he was upset and I just wished it had never happened and that I was normal.

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm in over my head about as far as someone can be.  This entire time on my own has felt like I'm Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap leaping into situations where I have no idea whatsoever what I'm doing.  

Yes. This sounds applicable to me as well. I am reaching the point where I can no longer even fake it. The wheels are coming right off of my wagon as I hurtle down the hill towards........who knows.

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Very much feeling or more so wishing that I could stop being so suspicious or cautious of the very few times I manage to get out of the negativity in my head. As soon as I laugh or smile a bit there is something in me that almost immediately says "Uh oh....how much is THIS fall from grace gonna hurt?!" I have always had this ability to sit and linger in the bad without even realizing I am doing so, but as soon as I get to a good feeling or place I get to walking on eggshells and am on high alert cause I know it won't last.

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

Yes. This sounds applicable to me as well. I am reaching the point where I can no longer even fake it. The wheels are coming right off of my wagon as I hurtle down the hill towards........who knows.

I can't really fake it either.  I used to be able to bounce back and forth from my baseline which is way out in the clouds in my own world to what is considered normal but as the years go by the distance between the madness and the normal keeps getting farther and farther apart I think.  I think when things go bad they will go very bad quickly for me.

Edited by sober4life
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1 hour ago, monicott17 said:

Thanks. I’ve struggled with anxiety and OCD most of my life but now the depression has started to overtake that. All bad news. All the time. All doom and gloom. It gets to me. I am unhappy with my job, have been for awhile and working from home for the past year, as well as into the foreseeable future is not making me feel good. Plus, I’ve got bad health anxiety and having a bad flare up now.

Sounds like you have some heavy issues, which are overwhelming you. Anxiety on its own is a terrible condition, only understood once you have suffered from it. OCD is time consuming to say the least and very energy consuming, at a time when anxiety is rising generally and specifically for those  of us who suffer.

My most sincere guidance would be to try and disassemble the way you are feeling into smaller more manageable pieces. Really happy to get into more detail if it will help you. Don’t despair, keep talking, it can help to share, believe me. 

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1 hour ago, Soarsie18 said:

I was honest with him and told him and soon as it happened, I knew he was upset, he said that we’d talk about it when he got back. I felt bad because I could tell from his voice cracking that he was upset and I just wished it had never happened and that I was normal.

He was maybe upset because he wasn't there for you. There are many other possibilities other than he is mad at you. Try to look up the term on youtube, cognitive distortions.....  as it relates to CBT therapy. You cannot change what happened, but you can try to prevent it repeating. And there is a very good chance that you are normal, you just are not feeling it right now. 
hugs 🤗 

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On 4/4/2021 at 4:49 AM, Extremebeginner said:

CherryApplez, its the depression making you feel that way. I get it, and somedays or weeks we feel worse. Remember depression has altered your ability to think normally, to see the good and you thus undervalue yourself.  Try to see something good in you. Maybe a small smile, just for a while. Its difficult  but can you give me a smile? In exchange here is a hug to help you feel better about yourself. 🤗 

😊I don’t remember if I replied to this or not so yea I feel a bit better still have those strong feelings but I feel like I deal with it better today 

 

got to see my mom today and that was nice was really tired though I feel like am always tired but I know depression and my anxiety can make me tired at least today was okay didn’t feel sick today was having that problem for awhile so am happy about it wish I could talk to my therapist today but oh well I’ll talk to him soon enough 

 

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A lot of people from my past have been coming into my life recently including my new neighbors.  I walked past their house yesterday and they have a dog that runs free which is fine in the country but I'm not getting a dog now.  Why are you afraid they will fight?  No I'm afraid both of us having dogs will be an in for them to try to pretend to be my friend again.  I saw a pet that's perfect for me today a rabbit.

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17 hours ago, monicott17 said:

Thanks. I’ve struggled with anxiety and OCD most of my life but now the depression has started to overtake that. All bad news. All the time. All doom and gloom. It gets to me. I am unhappy with my job, have been for awhile and working from home for the past year, as well as into the foreseeable future is not making me feel good. Plus, I’ve got bad health anxiety and having a bad flare up now.

what do you take for it? im sorry that's been my struggle since i was a kid.. im sorry about your job..i know it would be kind of hard to find something else right now with the pandemic..

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I know comparing myself to others gets me nowhere in life, but anxiety has the tendency to do that, mixed with depression and OCD. There are days when I avoid it , but others that I can't . I look around and compare my life to the others that i went to HS with it's not easy. compared to them , that they have their families, jobs, i feel like a complete loser...and i'm just wondering how do others deal with that?

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I'm not a loser because a "normal" life isn't winning.  It's just a different nighmare.  The song bird thought the most miserable time was this morning.  About now the bird is thinking why do I sing every morning?  What have I gotten myself into again?

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On 4/5/2021 at 5:03 AM, Extremebeginner said:

I take that as a good sign, you are feeling something. After all, is the colour important?

@Extremebeginner

Thank you. I dont know if the colors important or not. I just dont feel right at that time...somethin was not right.  Im feeling better now after posting it there. Thank you again.

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53 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

I know comparing myself to others gets me nowhere in life, but anxiety has the tendency to do that, mixed with depression and OCD. There are days when I avoid it , but others that I can't . I look around and compare my life to the others that i went to HS with it's not easy. compared to them , that they have their families, jobs, i feel like a complete loser...and i'm just wondering how do others deal with that?

I have done that and it seems to me like it just gets worse as time goes on. I feel it mainly when it comes to social stuff and being that most people around my age are doing much better it may for all I know be a facade. The people that I have to be around at work or even just the area I live in generally do not like me or even care to try to get to know me. My main area of failure would be fitting in with people my own age or those slightly younger. At work now though I don't bother going to the break rooms because of some of the people I'd have to be around. They've completely shut me away after finding out about Natalie... Who would've thought that someone I was with in high school would be what wrecked my entire life?

Not that I don't try asking women out... I just always get rejected in some way. I only try asking women out if I really have some kind of feelings for them but it's never worked out. Honestly I feel like I was setup to fail and fall very hard the last time I asked someone out. Doesn't mean that I won't continue to be in love with them from afar... Which also really is just absolutely horrible to deal with. I do interesting things but nobody around here really shares any of those interests. Around here I still avoid people every time I do have to go out in public. I'm not as bad as I used to be but I still do it.

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46 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm not a loser because a "normal" life isn't winning.  It's just a different nighmare.  The song bird thought the most miserable time was this morning.  About now the bird is thinking why do I sing every morning?  What have I gotten myself into again?

I'm 61 years old and watching my career crash and burn. I'm bailing out soon. Don't know what's going to happen.

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

I'm 61 years old and watching my career crash and burn. I'm bailing out soon. Don't know what's going to happen.

If I was you in your situation I would probably retire too.  An outsider that's not in the situation with nothing to personally lose in the situation like a friend might say a strong opinion about what you've said like it sounds like they're trying to scare you or persuade you into retiring because they think you might have a lawsuit if they fire you.  Someone that wouldn't have to go through the fight might be able to easily tell someone else they should fight but being in the situation if it was me it could go either way.  It might depend upon the day I'm having the last day.  It's not easy being in the situation.  It's hell being in the situation.

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I had my narc waiting uninvited for me as I left the house today. It's always a bit traumatic with her close by. She was smirking...possibly because she enjoys watching me squirm 🤔 

Will the universe allow me to be free of this situation? ......

Edited by Nightjar
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Just now, JD4010 said:

I'm 61 years old and watching my career crash and burn. I'm bailing out soon. Don't know what's going to happen.

Best of possibilities for you JD.  Going back under probation as you've described, would be a lot more stressful than it's already been for you, I think, and things around the office would likely get awkward.  And if something happened after you returned,  would you lose the retirement they've offered you today?  But if you really feel like you're being railroaded, then check with legal aid if possible--can't recall if you are union.  Find out what it would take to challenge them, and what your chances would be to win a case.   

Not to influence, but I was thinking about your situation.  If you choose to take their offer,  take time to enjoy a few days or a week, reminding yourself that you don't have to go back to a job that's agonizing, that you're not there.  Don't forget to enjoy that reward. 

Bulgakov

Edited by Bulgakov
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On 4/6/2021 at 8:49 AM, Soarsie18 said:

I was honest with him and told him and soon as it happened, I knew he was upset, he said that we’d talk about it when he got back. I felt bad because I could tell from his voice cracking that he was upset and I just wished it had never happened and that I was normal.

It's ok to feel bad and upset it's something nobody wished had never happened, but talk things through with him about what happened and listen to each other and decide how you want the conversation to end, which is not in a bad way. I hope things get sorted out for you. 

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