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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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3 hours ago, Svenetc said:

JD, you are for sure worth more than you feel like. I would love to comment on each following post that was submitted, but that would take forever. I can imagine how you feel. I am in the same boat, just not retired yet. I have long ways to go. However, I reached the point where I question the sense if all my doing. I am working FT, any Overtime available and still face that "alley" you mentioned at some point. All because of a greedy person with no moral character or values. I am searching for answers on here, elsewhere and my surroundings. I get some input here - thanks to many great people. But my " internal " GPS is way off. That is why I said someday earlier that I reached my breaking point. All I can say is keep reading here , remain yourself and be who you are. That is all I do. 

Thanks for the nice reply. Yeah, they are "forcing" me to retire...which is a step above being fired at least. Part of it is because I've been here for so long (31 years) and the other part is because people in this office and the others I am frequently in contact with like me. That's what the HR person said. I am grateful for the option to retire but it's going to upend my life. I fear I'll be moving back in with my ex in the same house where I felt suicidal for so long.

Great advice, remaining who you are! I'll hopefully be able to do that.

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Great.Met up with my good friends Jackie and Michelle whom are also pre op trans women too.Finally thanked them for the advice and help they gave me during my transition meeting them 2 years ago.Also discovering something about me lately,bisexual like pre op trans women only.plans are to come out tomorrow to my family.Boyfriend accepts it and is supportive,came out to him last night

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5 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I fear I'll be moving back in with my ex in the same house where I felt suicidal for so long.

That would be a " No Go " for me. I would rather buy a SUV Tent and live in there. To be forced to retire sucks. I would go nuts. A two day weekend is already more then enough. Well I hope time will tell what your destination will be. I hope for the best and not for the "alley".

 

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On 3/22/2021 at 1:10 PM, JD4010 said:

They are "letting me go" from my job after 31.5 years. It's either slip out and go quietly, or get the axe.

I have no idea what I am going to do. I mean, after I leave here.

We will buy a used motorhome and drive all over North America! 🙂

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On 3/23/2021 at 12:38 PM, JD4010 said:

Thanks for asking. All kinds of stuff swirling around inside my head at to what I should (or can) do now. No ability to concentrate on much of anything else. My sense of humor has also vanished...my daughter noticed it right away this morning when she saw me.

Hope you are doing well, my friend. 

I understand the older a person is the easier for them to get disability and stay on it.

( I hate the word 'older.')

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The wind has never been worse here.  It's "fun" feeling like you're going to get blown away the whole night.  I hate life but more than I hate this I hate the moment when it's over when I start to feel dopey like things are going to get better for a little bit and then smash right in the face when I least expect it.  I've lived my entire life in hell.

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8 hours ago, AllisonM said:

Also discovering something about me lately,bisexual like pre op trans women only.plans are to come out tomorrow to my family.Boyfriend accepts it and is supportive,came out to him last night

Congrats on your discovery! Learning something new about one's sexuality or preferences, romantic feelings or expressions of it is something joyful, i think. 

Also, I admire your courage in coming out to family and your partner. 

 

Today I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed  emotionally. This year has already got me anxious, sad, worried, agitated due to the violence and in addition some recent sad personal news for a couple of people very close to me. So, I'm trying to take on life day by day for now. 

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5 minutes ago, Atra said:

Congrats on your discovery! Learning something new about one's sexuality or preferences, romantic feelings or expressions of it is something joyful, i think. 

Also, I admire your courage in coming out to family and your partner. 

 

Today I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed  emotionally. This year has already got me anxious, sad, worried, agitated due to the violence and in addition some recent sad personal news for a couple of people very close to me. So, I'm trying to take on life day by day for now. 

Learned through my transition starting 2 years ago,I would discover things new about me

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Hmmm.. I’ve been to that tunnel, many, many, time’s..it feels like life isn’t there any more, but it is for you and for me and anyone on here!!!! You need to pack your depression and not let it take over you, at least not for today!!! One day at a time, that’s all we can ask of each other, we are all one on this site, and will always lend a helping hand..be well my friend!

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

I've been listening to the radio during this storm and right in the middle of the sentence the station went dead.  I bet their tower got taken out.😲

Nah, the announcer just reached the breaking point....

'ok, that's enough, i'm done'

Click...

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7 hours ago, sober4life said:

I've been listening to the radio during this storm and right in the middle of the sentence the station went dead.  I bet their tower got taken out.😲

You still with us? Hope you didn't pull a Dorothy from Kansas on us.

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10 hours ago, duck said:

I understand the older a person is the easier for them to get disability and stay on it.

( I hate the word 'older.')

I've learned to embrace the word "older." Can't fight Chronos forever. 🙂 

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25 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

You still with us? Hope you didn't pull a Dorothy from Kansas on us.

Strangely the power didn't even go out here.  One of my trees snapped in half but I cleaned that up.  It was crazy this morning I was outside watching the trees and there was a bird in it's nest and it stayed in the nest through the whole thing.  60 MPH winds but the bird was able to stay in the nest.😲

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

60 MPH winds but the bird was able to stay in the nest.😲

I wonder about that all the time.... Like how are they surviving? I'm always worrying about the birds 🐦 With the more severe weather we're having I think we're gonna have to invite them into our homes to survive 🤔 What do you think? Good idea? Or would they be happier to be free outside? 

I could do without more little bums to clean up after, that's for sure 😂 

Ooh, ooh, praps a bit of a sanctuary in the garden would be better. Some good shelter with cozy nooks 🤔

Edited by Nightjar
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On 3/25/2021 at 8:55 AM, Nightjar said:

Yes! What is it about forms and paperwork? I get myself all wound up about them. I'm in a state before I start. Why are they so scary? Wtf? 

Yikes! I get dizzy when I do too much too. When I get like that I force myself to stop. Literally. Stop. Sit still. Do nothing. I find my energy tends to restore itself then 🤔 I hope you're ok and it's nothing serious healthwise, just dizziness. 

I agree. It's very tough to take on the world alone. Please try to give yourself a break and don't expect everything to be perfect. No such thing. It's fine to let things go for a little bit. We can always pick them back up when we have more energy. People are more likeable when they are imperfect anyhow. We aren't machines 🤔

Yes, being alone is sometimes difficult.  I've lived most of my adult life alone, and only toward the end of that time did I have the kind of difficulty I thought I'd never surmount.  I owed the IRS $14,000 because for YEARS I'd claimed three dependants so that I'd take home more money.  I felt L.A. was just pushing me out. I was in a bad car accident, which wasn't my fault, but still, fault or no, there were injuries that I'm still dealing with today.  At one point after the accident, the pain in my back was so bad I screamed when I had to stand up.  I'd role out of bed onto the floor, and crawl around my apartment.  For three months.   I had some epidural injections which shrank the bulging discs, but which no one told me would wear off, and that I'd be in pain because of stenosis and the complication of scoliosis.  After the car accident, I got hit by a car--not badly, but still . . . . Then, another time I was walking on the bike path and not the dirt path in my favorite park and was side-swiped by a speeding car; not enough to call a "hit," but enough to knock me to the ground as it zoomed by. (WTF??!! I asked myself????!!) It's hard to be alone and injured and financially compromised.  When I got fired from my job, my needy, two-faced supervisor allowed my having unemployment benefits, so I figured it was a good time to just leave town and regroup in my hometown, which has turned out to be . . . .a long time. 

It's a long boring story, but I wanted to say don't be afraid to ask the people you know for help. You'd be surprised how willing to help they may be.  It's hard to do, but it can yield miracles.  I found a tax preparer through a friend, who put together an "Offer in Compromise" for me with the IRS.  I was able to settle with them for $3,000 instead of the $14,000.  And I HATE paperwork and stuff grownups have to do.  But, paperwork is one of the things we unwittingly sign up for if we live long enough. 

You will weather this storm because you have to.  All the little boxes needing to be checked, signatures to be had, paper, paper, paper.  I have faith in you that you'll do it, though.  Take those necessary breaks.  Come back to it when you feel clear, no matter how many breaks you take.  

I'm rooting for you.  

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Coming out to my family as bisexual going well and glad it went great.Still supportive and gets better.Have a girlfriend,Gretchen in my life whom is also a pre op transsexual.Gretchen and I talked today,said she wanted to know me more and said I liked her as well.

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10 hours ago, womanofthelight said:


It's a long boring story, but I wanted to say don't be afraid to ask the people you know for help.

Hey, I don't think your story is boring. In fact far from it. I love it when people share like that. We can get to know you better then 🤗

Asking for help.... Hmm, people I know, hmm.... I don't have that at the moment but you guys are helpful. Know what you mean though. How is help gonna come if we don't ask for it? I do think that on the whole people are more helpful than we give them credit for. 

10 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

I HATE paperwork

🤮

10 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

  I have faith in you that you'll do it, though.  Take those necessary breaks.  Come back to it when you feel clear, no matter how many breaks you take.  

I'm rooting for you.  

Thankyou so much for the faith and the rooting! 🤗 You are very lovely. I'm glad you're here 😘

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Anxious. I'm expecting a call about a job.  I know this because my niece works at this hotel and spoke to the manager of housekeeping. I know I can do the work but cleaning a room & bathroom is 26 minutes is going to be hard. It takes me that long just to clean my bathroom.   

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45 minutes ago, nojoy said:

Anxious. I'm expecting a call about a job.  I know this because my niece works at this hotel and spoke to the manager of housekeeping. I know I can do the work but cleaning a room & bathroom is 26 minutes is going to be hard. It takes me that long just to clean my bathroom.   

That's great news!  I hope you get the job.  As much as I enjoy cleaning I think I would like that job too.  Cleaning has always been my go to stress relief for the last 30 years.

Edited by sober4life
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