Jump to content

How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

Recommended Posts

Best wishes for you at this time, I have two divorces, my most recent was 5 years ago,  both which involved children too. I understand how completely draining it can be. I am still in mediation with my last wife over custody of my 17 year old boy, who chose last year to live with me. Its not really mediation, its about how she can manipulate and control me.... thats a story for another day

focus on your job, make new colleagues there and get up to speed as you know you can and will

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Someone broke down in front of my house.  I've been trying to help them all morning.  You would think if a line of people get stuck on my road numerous times every year because of the snow they would try to do a better job but they won't.  The guy said to me well I've been on this road 100 times so I tried to guess where the road was and I guessed wrong.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

Best wishes for you at this time, I have two divorces, my most recent was 5 years ago,  both which involved children too. I understand how completely draining it can be. I am still in mediation with my last wife over custody of my 17 year old boy, who chose last year to live with me. Its not really mediation, its about how she can manipulate and control me.... thats a story for another day

focus on your job, make new colleagues there and get up to speed as you know you can and will

YIKES! That's rough!!! 

And thanks!!!! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Everything good feels impossible. Like squeezing blood from a stone.

The idea that if you keep at it, eventually it will all be worth it, rests on the idea that life is inherently just, which is just not true for many people.

I know why I make the sacrifices I do, but in the end I know I won't have anything to show for it besides a failed life. All of this effort and struggle so I can maintain someone else's crappy standard of living because they won't do anything to improve their own situation...there's no happy out for me, every choice I make comes with at least one devastating consequence.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

50 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I feel like absolute sh!t. I've had it. There's no way to ever win in this life. I've been at it for 61 years and it just keeps getting worse. I wasn't supposed to live through childbirth anyway. 

For what it’s worth I know that feeling. Sorry you feel this way too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah.

I told the psychologist yesterday I can’t think about the future without feelings of despair and hopelessness. The future is this black hole. There is nothing there. 

Now I can’t stop thinking about how effed up everything is. Nothing changes whatever I do. Groundhog Day doesn’t even begin to describe my life. Life is pointless. Especially mine.

There is nothing for me in this world. And I don’t own anyone anything. I wish I had the guts to just do it. 
 

I don’t need liberty. I need death.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, samadhiSheol said:

I don’t need liberty. I need death.

Here in Yankland, bumper stickers on the back of automobiles are very popular. I'm going to make your statement into a bumper sticker and begin selling them; we can split the profits.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

Everything good feels impossible. Like squeezing blood from a stone.

The idea that if you keep at it, eventually it will all be worth it, rests on the idea that life is inherently just, which is just not true for many people.

I know why I make the sacrifices I do, but in the end I know I won't have anything to show for it besides a failed life. All of this effort and struggle so I can maintain someone else's crappy standard of living because they won't do anything to improve their own situation...there's no happy out for me, every choice I make comes with at least one devastating consequence.

I second everything you wrote here. The only blood that comes from squeezing a stone is my own, of course.

I started writing a story about this dude who is a complete and utter failure. I have so much intrinsic knowledge of such a thing that the story kind of writes itself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I second everything you wrote here. The only blood that comes from squeezing a stone is my own, of course.

I started writing a story about this dude who is a complete and utter failure. I have so much intrinsic knowledge of such a thing that the story kind of writes itself.

Sometimes you can try to squeeze a stone so hard that its cuts you, and you get an infection that festers for days or weeks before the blood even starts....

I am ready for the wound to burst, and let me get better, I still dream or maybe thats just an hallucination from the Clonazepam’s.

if you need extra characters for your book, I know which chapter I will star in, the End

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

For what it’s worth I know that feeling. Sorry you feel this 

Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started southward. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and shat on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But then the shit warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the shit, found the chirping sparrow and promptly ate him.

lessons.......

1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.
3. If you’re warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

Not judging at all, but thought this might cheer you up a little

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just waiting for death to come. Then I heard the radio deejay saying that the percentage of people who die a natural death is 90%. Damn. My wish to die as soon as possible seems more impossible. Buddha's first Noble Truth is that life contains inevitable, unavoidable suffering. 

But how I do wish I can run away from it all. But I end up getting back up again. Cos I'm lucky. I gotto always tell myself I'm lucky. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started southward. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and shat on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But then the shit warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the shit, found the chirping sparrow and promptly ate him.

Pretty much life in a nutshell.

So what is the point in even putting in the effort?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, sober4life said:

I've been running my whole life but I never get away.  I could be happy if I didn't hate myself.  I can't stand to be in my own company with silence for even a second and it will always be that way.

Not liking myself is completely natural for me. Liking myself is unnatural.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well I've got a sore throat which freaks me out a bit normally, but I guess at the moment it's freaking me out a bit more because of covid. I'm catastrophising about it a bit. 

I got another viewing booked in for Saturday which is both good and bad at the same time. Good coz I wanna get this done but bad because the adrenaline fuelled days beforehand are ******* me.

I had one blissful day of normality yesterday with no viewings on the horizon and I felt peaceful for the first time in a month. Then this morning, the phone started beeping with a viewing and I've started all over again with the adrenaline 😳

Fingers crossed, this one buys 🤞 I've reduced already coz the price seemed a bit high so it should help. 

Edited by Nightjar
Link to comment
Share on other sites

There's been a lot of times including now that I could have covid.  The truth is if I look back every single winter I have a lot of the symptoms the whole winter.  Everyone does around here because the winters suck here.  If you're active and outside you're sick to some point the whole time.  I've just stopped worrying about it.  It used to be constant worry.  Now I just don't care.  If I make it I make it.  Do I even truly want to make it?  There's nothing I can really do to keep away an invisible thing so I'm just going to live my life and whatever happens happens.  I can't imagine selling a house right now @NightjarI'm very proud of you.  Right now I go out to get groceries and think I can't make it back.  Some days all I have to do is go to the mailbox and I don't think I can do it.  I'm as near gone as a person can get so I have no idea how you're able to do this.  You're a very strong person and I have full faith in you.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 2/9/2021 at 4:25 AM, sober4life said:

I wouldn't be able to handle winters in Alaska where the sun is hardly ever out.  By the end of the first week I would be gone.  I would have to be.  I can barely make it here.  Sure people are the number one poison and there's less people there but number two right now for me is the cloud cover.  The temperature itself has no effect on me.  It was high of 20s a couple days ago with sun out and I was ok.

The longer the night, the more you can sleep! At least that's how I look at it. Sleep is a temporary escape of sorts, especially if dreaming and being aware of it (lucid). It's best with minimized sensory input, so heat and humidity won't do, but a blanket and dark room will.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I feel like absolute sh!t. I've had it. There's no way to ever win in this life. I've been at it for 61 years and it just keeps getting worse. I wasn't supposed to live through childbirth anyway. 

😟 Wish I could help, but I'm in the same boat. You're not alone in that boat, FWIW.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, anon22ae said:

😟 Wish I could help, but I'm in the same boat. You're not alone in that boat, FWIW.

I have so many "obligations" that just won't let up. I could up and walk away from it all but then I would be homeless and the massive regret I'd feel would likely drive me insane(r).  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 2/9/2021 at 6:25 AM, sober4life said:

I wouldn't be able to handle winters in Alaska where the sun is hardly ever out.  By the end of the first week I would be gone.  I would have to be.  I can barely make it here.  Sure people are the number one poison and there's less people there but number two right now for me is the cloud cover.  The temperature itself has no effect on me.  It was high of 20s a couple days ago with sun out and I was ok.

Oddly enough, I'd be fine in an Alaska winter. The sun sets in November and doesn't come back up until February. At noon, it is lighter because the sun is just below the horizon. But it doesn't clear the horizon for many weeks.

I still dream of living in Barrow, at the very northern tip of Alaska, way above the Arctic circle. I'm going to post a picture in my gallery of an Alaskan Airlines 737 sitting on the tarmac in Barrow at noon on a day in December. I personally think it's beautiful but everyone knows I'm a flull fledged weirdo. 

Edited by JD4010
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, sober4life said:

@NightjarI'm very proud of you.  Right now I go out to get groceries and think I can't make it back.  Some days all I have to do is go to the mailbox and I don't think I can do it.  I'm as near gone as a person can get so I have no idea how you're able to do this.  You're a very strong person and I have full faith in you.  

That's really lovely of you to say. I don't know how I'm doing it either. I can relate to what you say about not knowing how you're going to do something but doing it anyway. I don't know how we are managing with our issues and isolation but somehow we are. 

I think you and I both are probably a lot more capable than we realise :hugs:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...