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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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9 hours ago, Atra said:

If I imagine we can staple the first week of 2021 to the last week of 2020, then perhaps I can reclaim an optimistic view.

Yeah, that works.  Call it 'overflow' or 'spillage'.   The crap from 2020 spilled over into 2021.  

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10 hours ago, Nightjar said:

It's also a bit of a privilege to have the time and energy to exercise/do yoga. When I worked 7 days a week? Forget it. Doing exercise on top of that would make me ill. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I agree, it's not easy, not at all and it may not even be possible during some periods of our life... but if you can find the time and the energy you will be rewarded tenfold 🤔

 

I used to be in fantastic shape. I walked miles every day. Over the past few years, I've convinced myself that I"m too busy to take the time to walk. I am working more but still, I could do it. The consequences of not walking are horrible. I walked out on the frozen lake today. I huffed and puffed, but enjoyed it anyway. I just need to start doing that every day again.

Edited by JD4010
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17 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I used to be in fantastic shape. I walked miles every day. Over the past few years, I've convinced myself that I"m too busy to take the time to walk. I am working more but still, I could do it. The consequences of not walking are horrible. I walked out on the frozen lake today. I huffed and puffed, but enjoyed it anyway. I just need to start doing that every day again.

It's true, we can get out of shape pretty quickly. But it also works the other way round - we can get into shape pretty quickly too, especially if we have been in shape before and have muscle memory. 

Good luck with it. Don't be too hard on yourself about it. Progress is progress. We can only ever work on one day at a time. I'm glad you had a good walk today in your favourite kind of weather ❄️❄️❄️ 

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You cannot help your feelings, and if you believe you have found somebody, the one, then you should ensure that your feelings are expressed and mutual with her, otherwise you may be at risk of emotionally hurting yourself.

How familiar with each other and the families are you, without the details. Is she emotionally available to you.

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

This next 30 days is the hardest for me.  I can't ever seem to feel well right now.  I feel very depleted this time of year.  Nothing can really jump start the brain.

Sober and Nightjar. I feel for you both and all-others that suffer a particularly hard time, related to the calendar. I shudder at the thought of really jump starting my brain, because that is what the doctors want.....

all I can offer is that we should turn to our usual chill out techniques and focus on the important things, no matter how small they may seem. Pick something and do it, before picking something else. take a deep breath and exhale, and try not to chastise yourself. You know you are going through something and you know you can get there. (Hugs)

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I finally told my Dad I was feeling suicidal and he was like, "you shouldn't say things like that." I get it, he's old, he's from a culture that sweeps mental health under the rug, I wasn't really looking for sympathy, just needed to finally vent.

But I can tell it is really bothering him (he ran a red light earlier) and now I wish I had just kept my mouth shut. He wasn't ever a dad who protected me from things I needed to be protected from, but I still want to protect him from my own ugly thoughts. He was never the one to be emotionally abusive, it was always my older brother...my dad just takes it. It was something that didn't need to be said to him and now I can't take it back.

Anyways, I'm not anti-vaccine, but I do wish that it would yeet me off of this planet. Quick and painless end is ideal. Then I wouldn't have to worry about any of this.

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I haven't told anyone how I really feel in years and I never will again.  I'm an actor playing a part around people from here until the end.  There's 2 groups of people in my life.  Those that don't care at all and those that don't wany my "drama" to get in the way of their next vacation.  So I'm on my own.

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On 1/9/2021 at 5:58 AM, sober4life said:

When I got sober I did it because I wanted to get healthy and start a family of my own but I can't do that anymore because I would have to tell the children the truth about things in life.  At some point for me I will say I can't be here anymore.  I'll get tired of seeing evil in every direction I look and I won't be able to take it anymore and I'll check out of this world.

Those are also reasons I wouldn't want to bring anyone into this world (unless I enjoyed seeing more suffering). Despite family and biological pressure, there's no way I'd want anyone remotely resembling me. In the spirit of /r/antinatalism, I sort of resent my parents for making me be, but any kids of mine might just hate me openly for bringing them into this.

Then again, maybe things would be completely opposite of what I expect. But I wouldn't risk it.

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@Nightjar Do you like green tea? Can it not replace your cokes? But you probably want to cut off caffeine completely..I don't drink cokes but I love coffee, I love it's flavour, taste, coffee breakes, cafés..everything about coffee..I'd like to lessen my caffeine consumption though.

 

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2 hours ago, Mikayla said:

@Nightjar Do you like green tea? Can it not replace your cokes? But you probably want to cut off caffeine completely..I don't drink cokes but I love coffee, I love it's flavour, taste, coffee breakes, cafés..everything about coffee..I'd like to lessen my caffeine consumption though.

 

I do quite like green tea. But it's not coke 😂😂😂 I hear you about coffee... I used to like coffee too but I couldn't drink it now. I went through hell giving up caffeine and I cant really tolerate it anymore, it makes me very irritable. 

Just want the coke 😔

Could I think of a worse thing to drink? 😬 I think there's a clue in the fact that we are meant to drink water which is clear and coke is, well, black. 

Anyway I'm on day 4 no cokes and I feel a bit better 👍😘

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Woke up around 2 am my time.  I am sorting papers for shredding.  I have too many old bank documents, receipts, and so on. 

My hands and feet are freezing.  Raynaud's Syndrome.

I am having decaf coffee.  

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8 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

I finally told my Dad I was feeling suicidal and he was like, "you shouldn't say things like that." I get it, he's old, he's from a culture that sweeps mental health under the rug, I wasn't really looking for sympathy, just needed to finally vent.

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way and doubly sorry that your dad couldn't hear you out without telling you that your feelings are wrong. Your feelings aren't wrong, they just are. 

I could just see the look on my own dad's face if I said that. He wouldn't be able to cope with it either. And, yeah, it would probably drive him a bit mad with stress. I expect that's pretty normal but it's part and parcel of not just being a parent, but being human. We all have loved ones who are struggling and need support at some time or another. 

I suppose there are many people who just don't know how to help but pushing it aside and pretending it doesn't exist has got to be one of the worst ways to deal with this. My dad would do the same. I do get angry with him. He just runs away. But I learned never to ask for help or tell him anything 😬

I know the feeling of longing for the end but I don't think it's the same thing as being actively suicidal. I can live with a bit of longing for the end. Hope you can too? 

It doesn't sound like talking to your dad is helping much 😬 Sorry again. I understand it as I have the same problem. 

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Yeah I've burned and thrown away so much and I'm sure I've gotten rid of things I'll need one day but nothing could have stopped it from happening.  I was in a manic episode at the time.  Why do riding lawmowers have headlights?  Because of people like me.

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On 1/8/2021 at 5:06 PM, sober4life said:

The reason I keep trying is because I realize the world is full of terrible people and I'm not letting them win.  It's that simple.  Yes I'm on my own completely in life but that doesn't mean I can't have peace and happiness in this world.  If anything knowing that most people are just running some con or playing games with me helps me be more happy because I am able to keep that type of toxic behavior out of my house.

im not going to judge anyone because no one has the right to do that. i've been hearing "be patient, you are young, medical field is constantly coming out with new research" for decades, and i've been robbed of my life due to this illness..and no doctor can tell me they understand what i've been through because they haven't. everyone has their limits, and i know at some point i'll reach mine where i will not care about survival any more, i know i will slowly head there someday..some days are worse than others, but there's only so much a person can take of this misery.

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In my lifetime the entire world has shifted.  All of it.  It used to be companies tried to give us products that were 10s.  They tried to give us the best in everything.  Now they try to give us 6s or 7s.  They try to give us just enough to keep us with everything.

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

Yeah I've burned and thrown away so much and I'm sure I've gotten rid of things I'll need one day but nothing could have stopped it from happening.  I was in a manic episode at the time.  Why do riding lawmowers have headlights?  Because of people like me.

I threw out my indoor grill the other day because of the way my food turned out. But when I realized it was the meat and not the grill I brought it back in. Eventhough it's not that great of a cooker I still might get some good food out of it someday. 😆🍗🍔

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7 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way and doubly sorry that your dad couldn't hear you out without telling you that your feelings are wrong. Your feelings aren't wrong, they just are. 

I could just see the look on my own dad's face if I said that. He wouldn't be able to cope with it either. And, yeah, it would probably drive him a bit mad with stress. I expect that's pretty normal but it's part and parcel of not just being a parent, but being human. We all have loved ones who are struggling and need support at some time or another. 

I suppose there are many people who just don't know how to help but pushing it aside and pretending it doesn't exist has got to be one of the worst ways to deal with this. My dad would do the same. I do get angry with him. He just runs away. But I learned never to ask for help or tell him anything 😬

I know the feeling of longing for the end but I don't think it's the same thing as being actively suicidal. I can live with a bit of longing for the end. Hope you can too? 

It doesn't sound like talking to your dad is helping much 😬 Sorry again. I understand it as I have the same problem. 

Honestly, I never know how my family will react. The last time I was really honest to my Dad was ten years ago, when I told him I was on zoloft because the family situation was so bad. I thought maybe he'd understand, but instead him and my younger brother had an intervention to get me to stop using it because they thought I'd become an addict. There was never talk about how to improve the situation or support me. So I feel less bad today. I'm on my own and that's okay, it'll make leaving easier.

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1 hour ago, watalife said:

I threw out my indoor grill the other day because of the way my food turned out. But when I realized it was the meat and not the grill I brought it back in. Eventhough it's not that great of a cooker I still might get some good food out of it someday. 😆🍗🍔

It depends upon what kind of meat you're talking about.  I've noticed you can still make the cheapest steaks in town taste good if you adjust how you cook them.  A really bad one if it's cooked rare or medium rare can still be good in my opinion.

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