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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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On 3/4/2020 at 7:15 AM, sober4life said:

I know how you feel.  Past hurts are constantly on my mind.  It's not enough for them to hurt us.  They leave that poison in us as well that never seems to go away.

Thank you Sober.  You hit the nail on the head.  

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6 hours ago, JD4010 said:

The universe has affixed yet another giant "KICK ME" sign to my back. I'm starting to think that Hell would be a move up compared to where I am now.

You maybe right.  

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I feel like everything is all wrong. With me, with what I do. Everything.

I feel so much confusion and unhappiness. I'm just wandering through life going through the motions, like I'm not really living. I'm just existing here in this world, never having any real friends or loving anyone. I've always just endured all of the fear and pain, but now I've become that fear. It's no wonder people don't want to get close. They sense all of that pain and anxiety and twisted up inside me and avoid it like the plague, and I don't blame them. Nobody with any sense would want that.


I feel like the world has no place for me.

   

  

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3 hours ago, JD4010 said:

...and, now my daughter has to put her new little kitty down because of some kind of peritonitis that's not curable.

Oh god that is brutal. So sorry for you and your daughter. Thinking of you both...

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Yeah I understand how you feel.  I'm very proud of my sobriety but at the same time if I was told I had a few months left to live so I could just sit around wasted watching cartoons until the end I wouldn't be too upset about it.

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Anxious today. I've perhaps overdone it a bit this week. I pushed through in spite of the drama with Narc mom and went out of my comfort zones. I'm pleased but feel like I'm paying the price a little bit with some anxiety. All of the stress adds up I guess.  All of the good stress and all of the bad stress. Still I'm not too bad. Lonely as usual but that goes without saying at the minute.

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I currently feel content and calm. However I do still have lingering thoughts if I should stay on DF or take my leave. Though the good DF has done for me with a few people's advice and kind words of encouragement makes me want to stay. Even if I don't speak much to anyone since it's hard for me. It is a very relaxed, friendly and supportive place though so bless you all~:icon12:

*sending everyone good and positive vibes you're way *:flowers:

Edited by Shijima
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The story of my life has been pretending to be well when I'm nowhere close.  I remember back in the hospital when I and the doctor were covered in cats and glowing worms.  The doctor had so many cats on him I couldn't even see him.  How are you today.  I'm fine.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

The story of my life has been pretending to be well when I'm nowhere close.  I remember back in the hospital when I and the doctor were covered in cats and glowing worms.  The doctor had so many cats on him I couldn't even see him.  How are you today.  I'm fine.

I know that's not really "funny" but your deadpan response was great!

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16 hours ago, Tilted said:

Oh god that is brutal. So sorry for you and your daughter. Thinking of you both...

Thanks. This will be her second kitty that had to be put down when very young. Actually the third.

I have this horrible feeling that her bad luck is overflow from my own.

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I'm ok.  

I spent 30 minutes with the therapist talking about this. I said I wasn't happy nor was I sad; I'm just here in the middle.  Her reply was "That's called being ok.That's good. That's where we want you to be."  30 minutes later I still don't know what the heck 'ok' is. and 15 minutes of us discussing that this is a new feeling for me and I should embrace it. 

So if anyone knows what the feeling "ok" is defined as, please let me kno

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