How do You Feel Right Now? #12

[sober4life 31,137]

That's been the problem with me.  I've always wanted a normal life but I don't have the strength to do all of it and I have to do it all.  I don't know how people do it.  Maybe they live a calmer life.  Maybe they don't literally jump out of bed every morning and make a list of chores and things I have to do today to fix a life that nobody is going to care about 50 years from now when I'm gone.That brings up another point.  When I'm gone nobody will care by the end of the day.  What always interested me was walking around the cemeteries and seeing graves of people that died over 100 years ago and there is still someone putting flowers on the grave every year.  I want to hear that story.

[sober4life 31,137]

9 hours ago, 20YearsandCounting said:

This is the first holiday season in a veeeeeerrrrryyy looooong time that I have - gasp - almost (I said almost) looked forward to Christmas. I guess Covid has given me a 'legit' reason to openly be a coward about get togethers.  'Cause Covid' - there, I can isolate (apparently my lifestyle is referred to as 'isolation') and not feel guilty - or, more importantly, guilted. 

BTW, I've really missed you guys. 

Yeah I said I can't go to get togethers because of the virus so now I'll sit here and worry about them showing up the whole time.  Around here people look at it differently.  I'm one of the strange ones that everyone rolls their eyes at if I wear a mask or take any of this seriously.  I might as well say I just saw bigfoot around here.

[Floor2017 6,058]

20 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Yeah I said I can't go to get togethers because of the virus so now I'll sit here and worry about them showing up the whole time.  Around here people look at it differently.  I'm one of the strange ones that everyone rolls their eyes at if I wear a mask or take any of this seriously.  I might as well say I just saw bigfoot around here.

That’s so funny but I do understand 

[Floor2017 6,058]

45 minutes ago, sober4life said:

That's been the problem with me.  I've always wanted a normal life but I don't have the strength to do all of it and I have to do it all.  I don't know how people do it.  Maybe they live a calmer life.  Maybe they don't literally jump out of bed every morning and make a list of chores and things I have to do today to fix a life that nobody is going to care about 50 years from now when I'm gone.That brings up another point.  When I'm gone nobody will care by the end of the day.  What always interested me was walking around the cemeteries and seeing graves of people that died over 100 years ago and there is still someone putting flowers on the grave every year.  I want to hear that story.

Yeah, they made a impact on someone that is still passing their influence on to the rest of the family. 

[Floor2017 6,058]

Well, I’m going to start a new me that doesn’t care about what others think or say about me. I am going to recreate myself into things that I can do along and enjoy myself as I do them. Planting flowers and beautifying mothers nature around me. Creating flower pots and painting them to make a beautiful statement around my place 

[sober4life 31,137]

11 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

Well, I’m going to start a new me that doesn’t care about what others think or say about me. I am going to recreate myself into things that I can do along and enjoy myself as I do them. Planting flowers and beautifying mothers nature around me. Creating flower pots and painting them to make a beautiful statement around my place 

Yes that's certainly what I want to work on next year flowers.  I have lots of flowers out there that come up every year that the previous people planted but if someone asks me what flowers do you have there's not a chance in the world I would be able to tell them.  They're pretty and surprise me every year because my mind's toast wow I have that but I want to go shopping for flowers and put exactly what I want out there.

[Kogent5 1,680]

Powering through the day on feelings of spite and revenge.

[sober4life 31,137]

52 minutes ago, Kogent5 said:

Powering through the day on feelings of spite and revenge.

Me too.

[Kogent5 1,680]

25 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Me too.

::high-five::

[iWantRope 979]

Job-induced frustrations. Why? Because necessities for survival cause money, and disability for mental illness/disorders do not exist in my country

[duck 10,730]

12 hours ago, Floor2017 said:

Well, I’m going to start a new me that doesn’t care about what others think or say about me. I am going to recreate myself into things that I can do along and enjoy myself as I do them. Planting flowers and beautifying mothers nature around me. Creating flower pots and painting them to make a beautiful statement around my place 

@Floor2017 Welcome Back!   I missed you!

I was wondering if you were okay.  How's work at the hospital I believe?  How's your granddaughter?

[duck 10,730]

On 11/24/2020 at 3:20 AM, jkd_sd said:

If you continue to have the blurred vision in your right eye and your optometrist still cannot find anything wrong, maybe ask him about the possibility of 'optic neuritis' -- been there, done that.  I am not saying that is what it is; just one possibility.   

Good luck!

@jkd_sd  I saw my optometrist and he did some more tests.  He said I do not have 'optic-neuritis' so that's good.  He did not find anything wrong with my eyes.  He wants me to seem him in two weeks.  Thank you for your support.

[20YearsandCounting 7,032]

@Floor2017   @sober4life

Funny you should talk about plants.... One of the ways my kids know I'm doing better is by how green the living room is.  The better I'm doing, the more plants I have, inside and outside.  Of course, when it comes to outside plants, I still have to have the 'can't kill it if you tried' versions. If it survives my yard, it's pretty hardy, LOL.

BTW, I learned a tidbit this week.... Did you know that setting a plant near a computer monitor or computer tower can make it sick?  I brought one home from the office that was sick - I have two identical ones, and the other one was fine. But the sick one was right behind my double monitor setup.  'The More You Know....'

[20YearsandCounting 7,032]

@Devlinkyla   @duck

thanks, missed you guys too. 

@Nightjar   aaahh, the perks of being a cat slave.  Mine only talks to me when she's telling me to do something.   She talks to hubby all day long, and for apparently no reason.  But me?  No, it's just 'do this, do that'.... LOL.  Though I have to admit that cats are not nearly as bossy as Guinea Pigs....

[DialAForAlan 306]

I...just the thought of being away from Jane for an entire month is enough to bring me to tears today. I'm...I feel so lost...or something...and I have a lump in my throat cause I could cry at any second.

Why did it have to be a month? Especially when Weakest Link is the only thing keeping me here at times?

[Mikayla 3,202]

..I need to relax a bit:)

..And I'll have a new job apparently, so pray for me (who like to pray) to be able to do it, to be able to keep it for a desirable time. I won't earn a lot of money but it can help me relax. (I will work at a pet store). 

[Floor2017 6,058]

14 hours ago, duck said:

@Floor2017 Welcome Back!   I missed you!

I was wondering if you were okay.  How's work at the hospital I believe?  How's your granddaughter?

Everything, is ok and I’m trying to adjust to the new me. I have my ups and downs but through it all I am managing ok. Thanks, for being concerned 

[Zagor 66]

On 2/21/2020 at 6:34 AM, ladysmurf said:

i'll be honest, i feel a bit disappointed in the medical field , when i look around me and i talk to people who are crying and feeling depressed/anxious and no medication works for them. i don't want to sound negative, but why does not this illness get more attention/research in the world? it slowly gets some, but not as much as others. that's not fair. as for someone who has been suffering for decades and the only answers i get from the medical field are "we don't know", it just gets me mad.

So True. They know the medications don't work for many people. Whats even worse they often discriminate. In my province the premier wanted to take the people with mental illnesses off disability. The clown doesn't know what psychological pain is. He doesn't know that it can be worse than some physical disabilities. They have no understanding and respect.

[Zagor 66]

Today I feel somewhat better than the last few days. My left thigh and bum is completely numb and my 3 months long abdominal pain without diagnosis is real bad.

[sober4life 31,137]

I ended up going to the celebration today.  Was it worth it?  Of course there were 5 baby cows there.

[Wolven 115]

I feel good and content.

[JD4010 18,620]

On 11/27/2020 at 5:32 PM, iWantRope said:

Job-induced frustrations. Why? Because necessities for survival cause money, and disability for mental illness/disorders do not exist in my country

This is at the root of my existence as well. I'll wind up living on the streets in short order if I get fired from this job, but it is tearing me apart mentally and physically. To add to the issue, my daughter still needs my financial support while she is in grad school. 

[JD4010 18,620]

Unmotivated and worthless.

[sober4life 31,137]

I watched a movie called The Beaver.  That's pretty much how bad I've been from day one.  It's a miracle I've made it this far.

[cherryapplez2020 2,735]

Got half the paperwork dune sigh