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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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On 11/18/2020 at 12:18 PM, Depressedgurl007 said:

I want to disappear. I don't want to deal with people, with work, with the pain of knowing I am causing people problems. 

see causing pepole problerm is thier problerm its not what you should be afraid of

Edited by DragonBallZ1995
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I am feeling annoyed with seeing people say that I am "strong" for being able to get through another day with depression and anxiety. To me, ending it all seems like more of a display of strength, because to do so is to go against every impulse that we have as living creatures. You have to have the strength to bypass all of the self-preservation instincts that your mind and body are using to keep you alive. I feel weak for just going along with the tide of life. I wish I had the strength to have already ended it.

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I feel pretty good too.  I wouldn't say things are bad but they're sure going to be interesting.  I'm too old for a thriller story type life.  I want to run and hide from it but it doesn't work that way.  Other people come along and say today you're going to do this and that end of story.  When all this bull is over I need to escape to a private island.

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4 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Yeah, now that you mention it...same here.

I have a horrible "why bother?" outlook.

I put off everything really.  I noticed I had a hole in the top of my mailbox a couple of years ago so I just don't send anything on rainy days anymore.  I'm sure I'll do the same thing for the next 30 years.

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5 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I put off everything really.  I noticed I had a hole in the top of my mailbox a couple of years ago so I just don't send anything on rainy days anymore.  I'm sure I'll do the same thing for the next 30 years.

I finally picked up that piece of cherry pie I dropped the other night at least. That has been the extent of my motivation today.

 

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There is always a new level of feeling bad. Thee is no rock bottom. 

The crap stops at nothing else but death. Hope doesn't exist. Connection, to anyone or anything, doesn't truly exist. 

I am tired. The downward spiral is endless and only gains more momentum. I want to die. There is nothing to look forward to. 

I hate myself even more. I would kick myself in the head if I met myself. There is no end to self-hate, no reason for self-love whatever the fck thst even means. 

You know what? I don't think I have ever really loved anything. 

 

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On rare occasions I've had the love buzz they talk about.  You really do feel high around the person.  It's a real thing but it's like finding a needle in a hay stack.  Most people make me sick and try to mess up my life.  Is it worth traveling through the minefield for that love buzz that will probably also lead me down a path of briars?  Not really.

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45 minutes ago, sober4life said:

On rare occasions I've had the love buzz they talk about.  You really do feel high around the person.  It's a real thing but it's like finding a needle in a hay stack.

Same here... except I imagine it would have been a great deal better had the feelings been reciprocated. I imagine that must be quite something, if one is lucky enough to experience it...

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