How do You Feel Right Now? #12

[BlueCycloBlog 61]

I feel stressed about how stressed I am. 

It sounds silly but it's true. 

I know how stress chips away at good health and calm thoughts and unlocks the door to Anxiety and eventually Depression. 

I'm so. stressed. out.

[JD4010 18,620]

Loathing myself. Second verse, same as the first.

[jkd_sd 1,801]

1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

Loathing myself. Second verse, same as the first.

Sorry you feel that way, but glad you still have your sense of humor.  I recognize that line from the Herman's Hermits song.

 I still feel on the up and down merry-go-round.  I am taking baby steps towards getting my life back together -- with some success.  But it still feels like a loooong way to go.  

Best wishes to everyone else who is struggling.

[sober4life 31,137]

I'm winning strangely though every time I feel that way everyone else screams and runs the other direction.  I suppose people would say I was manic today blah blah blah.

[BlueCycloBlog 61]

2 hours ago, jkd_sd said:

 I still feel on the up and down merry-go-round.  I am taking baby steps towards getting my life back together -- with some success.  But it still feels like a loooong way to go.  

Best wishes to everyone else who is struggling.

Yes, this is where I am too. 

It's so hard to give myself credit for ANY baby step. Depression wants to negate any of the good, and put me down for not being farther along in life.

It's okay if all any of us did today was try. xoxo

[sober4life 31,137]

No matter what I do my mind tells me it's not enough.  It makes no sense to put a voice in our head that abuses us all the time!

[Depressedgurl007 821]

2 hours ago, sober4life said:

No matter what I do my mind tells me it's not enough.  It makes no sense to put a voice in our head that abuses us all the time!

Sigh I have the same problem. I dunno what to do about it  yesterday I tried a bit of meditation it helped a bit I think. Today the voices r back. Maybe I’ll try a bit more meditation again..download some apps on it..the thing is it’ll help for awhile but after some time they come back..maybe I need to level up my skills on meditation..it’s so tiring trying to find ways to help ourselves..

[cherryapplez2020 2,735]

Today was good then started thinking like what would I change if I could like why all these questions and the thing is I would change everything from the past 6 years and be with the kids and bam good day went bad why can’t I just have a good day it has to go bad thanks depression thanks a lot it’s much appreciated

[iWantRope 979]

12 hours ago, sober4life said:

No matter what I do my mind tells me it's not enough.  It makes no sense to put a voice in our head that abuses us all the time!

Because I'm employed, I don't need to do this to myself. Plenty of client/coworkers/bosses doing this to me on daily basis.

[Bulgakov 2,454]

6 hours ago, anon22ae said:

Realized what a burden owning a bunch of junk is... need to shed most of it.

 I moved from house/apt living nine years ago to a 22 ft RV.  I rarely need anything I don't have.  If I need that little kit that has a teeny screwdriver and screws for eyeglass hinge repair, I know where it is.  Beyond my needs, I'll pick up things I like very carefully.  I have a bit more storage room now with an older Jeep Cherokee, and a small travel trailer.  Still, like you say, I get to a point where I have too much stuff, and have to sell, give, or throw some things away. 

Bulgakov

Edited October 31, 2020 by Bulgakov
editing never ends

[sober4life 31,137]

Yeah I'm a minimalist.  I have just what I need.  I keep my life simple so if I wanted to I could just pack quickly and leave forever at any time.  I can see myself getting an RV at some point.  The idea that I can move my whole house to a different location any time I want to sounds amazing!

[JD4010 18,620]

10 hours ago, iWantRope said:

Because I'm employed, I don't need to do this to myself. Plenty of client/coworkers/bosses doing this to me on daily basis.

Boy, howdy. 50+ hours/week of humiliation and grinding frustration.

[ladysmurf 5,904]

On 10/27/2020 at 8:45 PM, idkusername465 said:

I think there are many experimental treatments that haven't hit the mainstream yet so I'm not sure. I have heard of people experimenting with various psychedelics to treat their depression, but I can't speak to the efficacy or the safety of these treatments so make sure you do your research. 

I am waiting to hear people's opinion about Ketamine but it's so expensive that many insurance companies will not cover it. Hopefully in a few years. Some people say it helps better than the medications, so lets hope in our lifetime we will find some relief. I hope so

[idkusername465 1,685]

1 hour ago, ladysmurf said:

I am waiting to hear people's opinion about Ketamine but it's so expensive that many insurance companies will not cover it. Hopefully in a few years. Some people say it helps better than the medications, so lets hope in our lifetime we will find some relief. I hope so

Yea ketamine is definitely the next big thing. I've heard many good things about it and it seems really promising.

I think from the insurance companies perspective why cover new expensive treatments when there are far more cheaper options on the market? Unfortunately, for consumers this ultimately leaves us with less options, especially when the so called established medicines don't work. This leaves us out of most of the cutting edge medicine being developed as we are always stuck on older more established alternatives.

Oh I just remembered an alternative treatment I heard about a while back... It's called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation or TMS. It's supposed to activate nerve cells in the brain to improve symptoms of depression. Look it up if you're interested.

Unfortunately, as with the ketamine, I have a feeling insurance companies won't cover and it probably isn't cheap!

[sober4life 31,137]

I think ketamine was what they gave me when I got my dental surgery.  Ketamine and propofol.  I felt better than I felt in a long time bombed beyond belief and then I was out.

[duck 10,730]

11 hours ago, Bulgakov said:

 I moved from house/apt living nine years ago to a 22 ft RV.  I rarely need anything I don't have.  If I need that little kit that has a teeny screwdriver and screws for eyeglass hinge repair, I know where it is.  Beyond my needs, I'll pick up things I like very carefully.  I have a bit more storage room now with an older Jeep Cherokee, and a small travel trailer.  Still, like you say, I get to a point where I have too much stuff, and have to sell, give, or throw some things away. 

Bulgakov

I have been toying with the idea of moving into my van or a small apartment.  

[cherryapplez2020 2,735]

**** it

[nothing_man 216]

Without direction, lost, and angry with myself. Doubting of my capacities. Overwhelmed. Hope you guys are doing better.

[Nightjar 6,743]

16 hours ago, sober4life said:

Yeah I'm a minimalist.  I have just what I need.  I keep my life simple so if I wanted to I could just pack quickly and leave forever at any time.  I can see myself getting an RV at some point.  The idea that I can move my whole house to a different location any time I want to sounds amazing!

Yay! Me three, minimalist here too. 

With every passing day, I want to get rid of more stuff.. One day, my folks will call round and I'll be in a tent in the garden, next to an empty house 

[sober4life 31,137]

7 hours ago, duck said:

I have been toying with the idea of moving into my van or a small apartment.  

Yeah I miss being in a small apartment.  Any time something goes wrong you call someone else to take care of it.  Owning your own place you're constantly sitting here listening and every odd sound what's that you jump up and have to find out because there's no such thing as a good sound you don't recognize.  It's bees or mice living in the walls.  It's appliances going bad.  It's the place falling in on you and nobody cares if it does.

[anon22ae 864]

21 hours ago, Bulgakov said:

 I moved from house/apt living nine years ago to a 22 ft RV.  I rarely need anything I don't have.  If I need that little kit that has a teeny screwdriver and screws for eyeglass hinge repair, I know where it is.  Beyond my needs, I'll pick up things I like very carefully.  I have a bit more storage room now with an older Jeep Cherokee, and a small travel trailer.  Still, like you say, I get to a point where I have too much stuff, and have to sell, give, or throw some things away. 

That's pretty much what I need to do, or even come to own fewer things -- whatever I can put on my back. If only it were possible to live like this in our society, but it's tough in all sorts of ways. For those who are alone, if you want to buy a permanent home, all you see is houses with minimum 2 or 3 bedrooms, and most everything else amounts to vacation cabins and other places not intended for permanent stay.

Nonetheless, the Unabomber found a one-person cabin (which has been moved to DC, I believe, so it's no longer on the market). I may not be a Unabomber type or even one who cares much about such supposed societal ills, but at least he managed to come up with a formula for living alone.

[roadking02 1,763]

Yesterday I had a seizure at work thanks to some flashing cameras and some purple neon lights glowing that made me very dizzy. Within 15 minutes of sitting down, spacing out I was walked out into a conference room and nearly blacked out. Once I was in the conference room a few of the managers watched and my muscles just tensed up and I started jerking all over in a chair. When they checked my blood pressure the jerking in my right arm stopped and my legs started to jerk instead. Lasting from 7:20am to maybe 9:45am... One of the managers drove me home... I called my neurologist yesterday after I got home and now I'm waiting to see what they decide. As usual I expect them to increase my dose which hasn't been done in 3 years. Also expect they will want to do another EEG which in my opinion is useless because every time they've done one nothing ever comes from it. I don't know what to expect from work either at this point.

[Handon Frypan 495]

I'm actually OK today, but the day has gone at warp speed.

[1966michigan 4]

23 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

I am waiting to hear people's opinion about Ketamine but it's so expensive that many insurance companies will not cover it. Hopefully in a few years. Some people say it helps better than the medications, so lets hope in our lifetime we will find some relief. I hope so

I guess it depends on where you live and what insurance you have. My psychiatrist said that in office infusions are covered, but the nasal spray is not. I don’t have anyone to drive me to those appointments, so I’m getting the nasal spray tomorrow and it’s $99 from a compounding pharmacy in the US.

[MurgeDYo24 3]

This is my first ever post here, and I really am only here because I feel as if I have nobody in my life I can confidently approach with my problems and how horrid my mental state is. I wake up in agony remembering the fact that I'm still alive, and I have to continue doing things to make other people happy. I feel as if there is nothing in this world that makes me happy, other than avoiding my responsibilities, ignoring my anxiety and depression, and doing drugs to escape whatever I may be going through. I'm really troubled right now, and I haven't put it into words in so long. I used to keep a journal, but it just depressed me to re read what I had to say considering every day was more negative than the last. I don't know why I was cursed to feel this way, or why I was the person in my family to be diagnosed with an exceeding amount of mental problems, but day by day I slowly and surely become more and more of a shell of the person I once was. I miss being happy. I miss being a carefree teenager who only wanted to hang out with his friends and meet new people. Now it feels like a chore to take a shower, or even roll out of bed. Today I didn't even set foot out of my room until 6:00 PM. I feel like there's nothing I can do to fix the slump I'm in, but I ever so desperately want change to come. The hardest thing is recognizing that change will only ever happen if I make it happen, but I don't have to courage to even start. Does anyone have advice? I'd love to hear even just simple things that help people get out of these sorts of slumps. I've been here before, but now it's worse than ever. Thanks guys, and even if nobody responds, it sure feels good to get what I feel out of my chest, even if it is to strangers on the internet who don't know a lick about me. 

- Murger