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How do You Feel Right Now? #12

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5 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

I am very stressed at work. I think I should just quit my job. I’m not gonna bother to do any more work today. Let my work sit in my tray n let the management be disappointed in me as always. I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of caring when it just makes me feel stressed and down and hating myself. I don’t care anymore. Life is just not worth it. 

Same. Absolutely the same.

I've got a meeting with my boss in 15 minutes. The mere thought of it kept me up all night. I'm sick of running on this hamster wheel. But I have no choice. I wasn't born into money and the bank owns me.

Edited by JD4010

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Very tired. Bit anxious. Bit depressed. 

Staying in this time of year does me no favours. I would be feeling a lot better if I hadn't been in here all day. 

I need to see the light, even if it is very dim 😬

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8 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Same. Absolutely the same.

I've got a meeting with my boss in 15 minutes. The mere thought of it kept me up all night. I'm sick of running on this hamster wheel. But I have no choice. I wasn't born into money and the bank owns me.

I hope the meeting went ok. It’s not as bad as the anxiety we feel before the meeting. And even after the meeting I still feel that I’m never good enough. I’m so sick n tired of this.

@JD4010 I really wish the best for u and want u to get out of that wheel n have more confidence in yourself because ur a great amazing employee who push yourself, others do not tell u but u are. So believe in yourself! 

Sometimes I need a pep talk but sometimes it doesn’t help. So I come here to vent out. This pain in life is itself a vicious cycle. 

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18 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

We should be treating the world more than the individual.

Exactly!  

Of course, we need to 'treat' the individual, because the individual is who is suffering at the time.  But if 'the world' ('society' or whatever other label) would learn the importance of (and how to) appreciate, support, and include 'the individual'; there would be lots less people dealing with depression.  Also, what depression there is would be recognized and eliminated much sooner.  

The same applies to other of our world's ills.  Our society seems very adept at making bad situations worse.  😕

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Just now, jkd_sd said:

The same applies to other of our world's ills.  Our society seems very adept at making bad situations worse.  😕

True that, jkd_sd.  Here's one of JD's signatures that says similar:  "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

The U.S., along with other countries, is losing confidence in it's leaders, politics of any stripe, it's choices, worth, and dreams of better days.  Those are keys to national depression, to what's sometimes mislabeled as PTSD.   Many people will simply remain terminally outraged by any notion of cultural shift.   

Bulgakov

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Hi

still have no idea when am going to see the kids😢

bad dreams because of what I think about all day very bad thoughts because I feel like nothing is going to get better not that am actually going to do anything about it is that just thoughts 💭 

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6 hours ago, jkd_sd said:

But if 'the world' ('society' or whatever other label) would learn the importance of (and how to) appreciate, support, and include 'the individual'; there would be lots less people dealing with depression.  Also, what depression there is would be recognized and eliminated much sooner.  

The same applies to other of our world's ills.  Our society seems very adept at making bad situations worse.  😕

And of course the world/society won't bother with doing this because it is not the most profitable moneymaker for the 0.1% world's richest.

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Fed up, frustrated, annoyed, revolted, in despair. I cannot abide humans that continue subjugating other humans in order to bolster their fragile positions. Those who define their place in the world by this subjugation because they "like things simple and certain"--with zero tolerance for discomfort. Feeling discomfort isn't the same as feeling unsafe but its this false equivalency which perpetuates cycles of suffering. 

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Well, my energy levels are very low again but at least I can sort of limp through the day and get a few things done. 

I always forget that I suffer with seasonal affective disorder because it goes in march as soon as it comes in October. 

I think for me the key is in my relationship to the light. I have to see as much daylight as possible and also avoid using false light in the evenings as much as possible. Going to bed pretty early helps. 

The more in tune my body is with the natural light and darkness, the better I feel, it seems. 

So today, I am going to fight the urge to do very little and get myself to the park. I think it's essential that I leave the house every day at this time of year to get that daylight into my brain. I'm going with that for now. 

I dont use antidepressants and I don't currently have access to counselling so I have to use every natural tool I have 👍

Edited by Nightjar

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

I've never been more afraid for the world in my life.  I feel like we're all loaded into a rocket headed for the sun at this point.

The world doesn’t deserve your concern. The world isn’t worth the fear you feel. I hope you can stop being afraid.

Today has been a better day. I wasn’t p issed off(all the time haha) at work. Right now, I couldn’t give a f about the world in general.

I am listening  to Velvet Underground, Roxy Music and Brian Eno. Kitty sleeping somewhere.
 

Life could be worse I guess.
 

You out there though, all you df’ers, hope you will start feeling better or even ok today and many days more to come.

Edited by samadhiSheol

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I understand what you're saying.  I'm alone in real life.  If I died nobody would find me for a year or two probably.  I care about a lot of the people here though.  I would do anything for them.  This story the world is going through right now doesn't have a happy ending.  This year or next year I fully believe will be the end.

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Remember when everyone thought 2000 would be the end. Well it's 2020 now they were off by 20 years. The reason why the world is so horrible is people had kids that weren't supposed to have kids. 2021 should be the year of sterilization if they want to rebuild a better world that can continually remain a safe place to exist. 🙉 😆

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41 minutes ago, watalife said:

Remember when everyone thought 2000 would be the end. Well it's 2020 now they were off by 20 years. The reason why the world is so horrible is people had kids that weren't supposed to have kids. 2021 should be the year of sterilization if they want to rebuild a better world that can continually remain a safe place to exist. 🙉 😆

If I was to play devil's advocate (which I do by nature), I'd say you are sadly mistaken. 

The end of the world as we know it will end but sadly humanity as we know it will survive, just like rats and roaches.. 

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17 hours ago, iWantRope said:

And of course the world/society won't bother with doing this because it is not the most profitable moneymaker for the 0.1% world's richest.

Yep, there it is. The 0.1% think of us as "useless eaters." That's a quote from Henry Kissinger.

They pull the strings and we do what they want us to do. It's been like this for a long time but I think they are yanking the strings harder & faster now.

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7 hours ago, sober4life said:

I understand what you're saying.  I'm alone in real life.  If I died nobody would find me for a year or two probably.  I care about a lot of the people here though.  I would do anything for them.  This story the world is going through right now doesn't have a happy ending.  This year or next year I fully believe will be the end.

Sadly, I agree. Some of us will "survive" physically, but life is going to become much, much tougher for those who remain.

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5 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Sadly, I agree. Some of us will "survive" physically, but life is going to become much, much tougher for those who remain.

Someone asked me this week if I would take the vaccine and my response was no why would I want to survive this?  I don't want to be here when this is all over.  I feel like mom felt at the end at this point.  I had hopes and dreams and wanted so much in life but the world has completely destroyed all of those hopes and dreams for me.

Edited by sober4life

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14 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

The end of the world as we know it will end but sadly humanity as we know it will survive, just like rats and roaches.. 

That's quite apt. Someone said that roaches would be the last thing living on Earth after a major global catastrophe, but it seems humans are far more adaptable. I'm sure world governments have built underground bunkers to house the leadership and intelligentsia in case of nuclear holocaust, meteor strike, alien attack, etc. Roaches may be hardy, but the are some catastrophes that could wipe even them out.

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

Someone asked me this week if I would take the vaccine and my response was no why would I want to survive this?  I don't want to be here when this is all over.  I feel like mom felt at the end at this point.  I had hopes and dreams and wanted so much in life but the world has completely destroyed all of those hopes and dreams for me.

I don't want you to give up hope sober. It's not impossible to meet people, just harder, or different. We have to go about things in a different way now, that's all. 

 

 

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5 hours ago, sober4life said:

Someone asked me this week if I would take the vaccine and my response was no why would I want to survive this?  I don't want to be here when this is all over.  I feel like mom felt at the end at this point.  I had hopes and dreams and wanted so much in life but the world has completely destroyed all of those hopes and dreams for me.

 

1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

I don't want you to give up hope sober. It's not impossible to meet people, just harder, or different. We have to go about things in a different way now, that's all. 

 

 

Ditto

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I am a golfer and have been most of my life.  I am have been successful, am competitive and have made it my life's work.  I feel incredibly lucky to have done this especially as a woman in a man's field.  I have recently taught my son and he has taken a great interest in the game.  We bond this way and it is a great way for mom/son time.  Sometimes we have meaningful and fun conversations.  

One day, this year after many, many frustrations built up, I snapped.  I was not playing well (unfortunately I wrap my self worth up in that a lot) and slammed my club against my bag.  I was ashamed I did that in front of my 17 yo son.  He is very laid back and we made a joke of it after I apologized for my immature behavior.

I went to practice the next week, and noticed the graphite shaft in my 6 iron was shattered.  Nice. Salt on the wound.  My son eventually found out, and brings it up frequently.  Like my mostly cool and patient mom totally lost it.  I just recently started saying a phrase that my son has adopted on the course.  One time, without rehearsing it, a thought popped in my head.  "You're not playing golf if you're not mad, sad or scared"  It's a funny quote because most golfers I know get upset (but they don't go ballistic), are sad that practice or lessons aren't paying off, or they are scared to take a risk.

So how am I?  Mad, Sad and Scared.  I have been living this way for a while and I would like to change.  Gradual steps I suppose.  But Bipolar Depression makes me feel all these things frequently and it seems to me, it's not healthy.

I welcome stories and insight.

Peace and Love

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