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How do You Feel Right Now? #12

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On 10/23/2020 at 9:59 PM, TopekaK said:

I was wondering about dentists too.  It's such a confusing time,

Aside from masks required and a temperature check at the door, it was mostly normal. All dentists and staff get tested regularly, or at least I assumed so... wouldn't make sense for them to risk spreading the pestilence to their patients.

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I've made it this far without getting my temperature checked and I'll make it the rest of the way.  I can't imagine my reaction if after getting it checked they said it was high.  I would probably run screaming out of there.

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Kidding me.
My dad started talking about his health; nothing specific. But in his strange fashion, he seemed to have left an open booklet lying around after he left for a bike ride.
Guess what the booklet title was?
"How to care for large intestine cancer?"

ai ai ai
 

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On 10/26/2020 at 4:34 AM, sober4life said:

The only thing that lasts forever is pain.  It switches to other things throughout your life but it never goes away.  I've lived my entire adult life broken and destroyed and with a broken heart.  I feel like I've been through a war.  The only reason I'm still here is because I'm tough and a scrapper and I've had to fight for every inch of it the whole time just to arrive in this moment and nobody's here.  It's dark cold and alone for the rest of this journey.

Same, except my reason I'm still here is I haven't passed in my sleep. Yet.

If you ask my honest opinion, those who chose to end it all should be applauded. They have had enough of the pain so decided to put an end to it, one & for all. There is no way to halt the pain while still living.

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40 minutes ago, iWantRope said:

Same, except my reason I'm still here is I haven't passed in my sleep. Yet.

If you ask my honest opinion, those who chose to end it all should be applauded. They have had enough of the pain so decided to put an end to it, one & for all. There is no way to halt the pain while still living.

Well the people in my life that have chosen their last day were very strong people up to the very end.  I'll choose my last day too.  The world is a very corrupt place that will try to sell you many junk days at the end so they can profit from those days.  I'll know when my story is over but it's not over yet.  I get it though.  I understand fully the pain a lot of people feel in this life.  Some of us have never fit in or enjoyed any of this or wanted to be here the whole time.  It feels like a sentence.  There's never anything to look forward to and none of this life makes any logical sense.

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8 hours ago, sober4life said:

 Some of us have never fit in or enjoyed any of this or wanted to be here the whole time.  It feels like a sentence.  There's never anything to look forward to and none of this life makes any logical sense.

Indeed, except it seems we don't know what crime we committed. Moreover, to those who say that there's so much goodness and beauty in this world worth striving for: There will always be anomalies, and a few glimpses of something shiny do not make up for the darkness and the hell of every day.

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I don’t know if I can go on anymore. Why is it the same thing everyday. I whine and argue and shout and scream at everything and everyone and I’m still here facing all this over n over again. It’s worse knowing it won’t end and tomorrow will be the same thing again. Dragging and kicking forever in this life sentence with no choice at all. 

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It's a very hard life.  I took a picture from grandma's.  It was of all of the immediate family.  There was 10 people in the picture.  Now there's 4 left.  It's very hard to keep going.  What do I want to do with what's left of this I have to keep asking myself every day.  I feel like my story is probably over.  Who knows maybe the third year in a row of starting to sit here alone watching the same old DVDs might be a good indication.

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On 10/25/2020 at 2:55 PM, ladysmurf said:

I wonder if anyone knows of anything new that will come next year in terms or therapy and or medications for depression/anxiety?  I haven't tried ketamine yet, it's too expensive and insurance wont pay..

Anyone? or are way too far behind for our lifetime to figure out any type of support/relief for us ..?

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1 hour ago, ladysmurf said:

Anyone? or are way too far behind for our lifetime to figure out any type of support/relief for us ..?

I don't know. It's amazing how much I don't know. I'm just standing on the corner watching life go by. Other people's lives.

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

It's a very hard life.  I took a picture from grandma's.  It was of all of the immediate family.  There was 10 people in the picture.  Now there's 4 left.  It's very hard to keep going.  What do I want to do with what's left of this I have to keep asking myself every day.  I feel like my story is probably over.  Who knows maybe the third year in a row of starting to sit here alone watching the same old DVDs might be a good indication.

My parents and grandparents are all gone. My brother is still alive but we don't have much to do with each other. He is the successful one who made something of his life. Published several books, bought his own airplane, etc. etc. I'm the dullard of the family.

I'm making my way through season 3 of Star Trek Deep Space Nine again. I watched all seven seasons two years ago and I'm doing it again. Just me and my kitties in the recliner, every night...

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

Who knows maybe the third year in a row of starting to sit here alone watching the same old DVDs might be a good indication.

Ditto. I have adapted somewhat though. I do feel stronger and like I am more my own person. I'm sure there is a reason for this season of emptiness although sometimes it is very hard to cope with. 

I realise that there have been many times in the past when I thought things would never improve and that I would never have a partner but I have always been proved wrong in that respect.

Things have turned around eventually and I have hope and some faith that they will again. Life would be too boring otherwise. 

I realise that change starts with me and not with the outside world. I will move forward when I'm ready. 

 

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I have no real connection to anything, least of all with myself.

I feel empty and pointless. So does everyone and everything else.

I am completely lost, hopeless and detached too.

The universe feels contracted, claustrophobic, closing in, the Big Crunch. 

I have no room to move and I am suffocating.

There is no me. There is nothing.

 

 

“I can’t scrape this stain from my brain

I can’t get this box off my head”

Foetus-Boxhead

Edited by samadhiSheol

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

My parents and grandparents are all gone. My brother is still alive but we don't have much to do with each other. He is the successful one who made something of his life. Published several books, bought his own airplane, etc. etc. I'm the dullard of the family.

I'm making my way through season 3 of Star Trek Deep Space Nine again. I watched all seven seasons two years ago and I'm doing it again. Just me and my kitties in the recliner, every night...

Me too as it happens. Season 7 in my case. 
 

Like everything else in my life, rinse and repeat. Even when I am doing something novel. Nothing feels like anything. I am going nowhere fast, whatever I do, however I think. 
 

I am tired, people. I am ready to go for good.

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2 hours ago, JD4010 said:

My parents and grandparents are all gone. My brother is still alive but we don't have much to do with each other. He is the successful one who made something of his life. Published several books, bought his own airplane, etc. etc. I'm the dullard of the family.

I'm making my way through season 3 of Star Trek Deep Space Nine again. I watched all seven seasons two years ago and I'm doing it again. Just me and my kitties in the recliner, every night...

There's never been anything wrong with us.  We are in the right group.  We've always had the "gift" of being able to see the world and people for what they really are and we've been sick from it and have been trying to stay away from it the whole time.  It's been a lifetime of figuring out the truth about the world screaming and running to hide.  I've heard plenty of stories about some of the smartest people on this planet going years sometimes where people have no idea what they did or where they were.  They were smart enough to hide from this mess!

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@samadhiSheol this is true! Everwhere I go people are running into each other and you can't get down the aisles either because it's to small or everyone's too fat 😆 Even driving down the road this is happening. Can't get over or can't get moving. Everything is closing in! Everyday traffic is like nyc but I live in the south. 🙉 

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@sober4life this world is absolutely boring that is a fact. I can't believe people see a point to all this. If I have to participate I will just work myself into a grave and enjoy my days the best way I know how. People who don't work I don't see how they stand it. What are they sitting back and relaxing for, are they waiting for something, why would anyone want to exist just to exist on this planet? It is so boring. Repeating over and over. Wake up go to bathroom eat tv work or no work eat or more tv take a break or take a nap eat again go to store go home stay home shower bath go to sleep x 365 days a year x 100years

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8 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

Anyone? or are way too far behind for our lifetime to figure out any type of support/relief for us ..?

I think there are many experimental treatments that haven't hit the mainstream yet so I'm not sure. I have heard of people experimenting with various psychedelics to treat their depression, but I can't speak to the efficacy or the safety of these treatments so make sure you do your research. 

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3 hours ago, watalife said:

@sober4life this world is absolutely boring that is a fact. I can't believe people see a point to all this. If I have to participate I will just work myself into a grave and enjoy my days the best way I know how. People who don't work I don't see how they stand it. What are they sitting back and relaxing for, are they waiting for something, why would anyone want to exist just to exist on this planet? It is so boring. Repeating over and over. Wake up go to bathroom eat tv work or no work eat or more tv take a break or take a nap eat again go to store go home stay home shower bath go to sleep x 365 days a year x 100years

I wonder how someone is able to sit back and relax.  I've never been able to relax.  It's impossible.  There's always something driving me crazy in my head.  I still see the happy go lucky people that say oh everything will be ok and they chuckle afterwards.  Yeah pass me what you're smoking.  I don't get it.  There isn't one bit of hope right now.  It's been almost an entire year of we're going down in a plane ready to crash in the ocean right now type stress and these idiots in my life say oh you need to relax!  Barf!

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13 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

Anyone? or are way too far behind for our lifetime to figure out any type of psupport/relief for us ..?

We should be treating the world more than the individual. This world is making people with certain evolutionary characteristics    "depressed".

As long as we stare at  brain chemistry, we won't be expecting "a cure" anytime soon. 

I am not holding my breath. 

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I am very stressed at work. I think I should just quit my job. I’m not gonna bother to do any more work today. Let my work sit in my tray n let the management be disappointed in me as always. I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of caring when it just makes me feel stressed and down and hating myself. I don’t care anymore. Life is just not worth it. 

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16 minutes ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

I am very stressed at work. I think I should just quit my job. I’m not gonna bother to do any more work today. Let my work sit in my tray n let the management be disappointed in me as always. I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of caring when it just makes me feel stressed and down and hating myself. I don’t care anymore. Life is just not worth it. 

I hope you find a way out soon. 

Sadly I am pretty much where you are. Again. 

This time it's my coworker and the endless monologues about how "they" plan to take away our rights and other bs, like Qanon etc. 

Stupidity. And wanting to stay stupid is what will finally be humanity's undoing. 

God I hate people. Atm even more than I hate myself. 

I can't get out of this s hithole. Cause all there is is other a sh it holes 

 

 

Edited by samadhiSheol

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Sad. My whole life has been about working and having a roof over my head because no one else is going to care. There are no other aspects to my life such as happiness, relationships, or success. I do have a cat but he's ready to hit the road as soon as he gets the chance.

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This is really stupid compared to a lot of posts in this thread but Weakest Link is on hiatus till November 9th. It's only day two and I miss Jane so much it hurts. And yes, I could and probably should watch some of her other stuff in the interim, but it won't be the same. TLDR; my heart is hurting.

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