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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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Recovering after losing Nyla. Tomorrow it'll be two weeks since she left. I... hope she's found some peace. And that everyone who hurt her... gets what they deserve, I guess. I keep seeing her in my dreams- it's the same one every night. We'll be little girls again like when we met, just playing. Then we sit down and she smiles at me and suddenly we're our current ages. Every night the conversation we have is different but she always seems happy. Sometimes I yell at her for going, sometimes I just cry in her arms, sometimes I talk with her like it's an ordinary day and she's alive.

She always tells me before I wake up to be kind. I guess... you all can take those as her last words to all of you. Be kind. 

-Skye

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4 hours ago, watalife said:

What's up with that green box. I hate green!

In the bottom-right corner of each posting in a thread?  I am wondering about that, too.  It seems like I can no longer see which reaction someone put on each post (like, sad, ha ha, etc.), just a count of how many total reactions.  I thought something happened in my browser, but maybe what changed is on the web site.   Hey! You do not need to do anything to confuse me -- I already am!  🤪

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5 hours ago, PraiseBrownies said:

Recovering after losing Nyla. Tomorrow it'll be two weeks since she left. I... hope she's found some peace. And that everyone who hurt her... gets what they deserve, I guess. I keep seeing her in my dreams- it's the same one every night. We'll be little girls again like when we met, just playing. Then we sit down and she smiles at me and suddenly we're our current ages. Every night the conversation we have is different but she always seems happy. Sometimes I yell at her for going, sometimes I just cry in her arms, sometimes I talk with her like it's an ordinary day and she's alive.

She always tells me before I wake up to be kind. I guess... you all can take those as her last words to all of you. Be kind. 

-Skye

Be kind?

What had Mark, now Nyla committed to deserve death? I say the wrong people died. Those that deserve to die much more than Mark or Nyla are still alive.

Fairness does not exist in this unjust world.

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14 hours ago, sober4life said:

I just want you to be happy.  I want this to be the best year of your life!  I always have and always will believe in you and I just want the best for you.:icon12:

Thanks sober!! I know it's a small step but anything is better than nothing..I wish the same for everyone on here and everyone battling any type of illness. People don't realize how difficult it is, when you have to deal with the medical field. It's nice to have people on here so we can understand each other , and give advice to each other.  Have a good weekend everyone..

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15 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

Thanks!!! This website and you guys have been supportive and helpful, so I owe a big thank you to all of you too!

It's amazing how good it can feel to see a member of our DF family feeling better. This place truly is great.

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1 hour ago, Floor2017 said:

“Wow”, what a word Be Kind this is something that we can all strive to become better at being kind.   I pray that we all can learn something positive from the mistakes of others when it comes to hurting people for no reason at all 

I absolutely try to be kind.  This is a very hard life to keep going strong in though.  This is a terrible world.  I watch the news about the coronavirus and knowing the world I live in my first thought is someone out there probably unleashed this virus on us on purpose.  That's the world I believe I live in so how do I really have any hope?

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10 hours ago, iWantRope said:

Be kind?

What had Mark, now Nyla committed to deserve death? I say the wrong people died. Those that deserve to die much more than Mark or Nyla are still alive.

Fairness does not exist in this unjust world.

As Louis Wu said/will say, "TANJ. There Ain't No Justice."

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

I absolutely try to be kind.  This is a very hard life to keep going strong in though.  This is a terrible world.  I watch the news about the coronavirus and knowing the world I live in my first thought is someone out there probably unleashed this virus on us on purpose.  That's the world I believe I live in so how do I really have any hope?

"Funny" you should say that. I think the virus is some kind of "germ warfare" experiment gone bad.

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

"Funny" you should say that. I think the virus is some kind of "germ warfare" experiment gone bad.

What do I believe is really happening.  The media is making the world scared to death by making us think a virus is much worse than what it is by talking about it every second the tv is on to tank the stock market to make Donald Trump look bad.  They're willing to lose everything to get him out of office.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

What do I believe is really happening.  The media is making the world scared to death by making us think a virus is much worse than what it is by talking about it every second the tv is on to tank the stock market to make Donald Trump look bad.  They're willing to lose everything to get him out of office.

That actually isn't far-fetched at all. My TV only comes on for watching DVDs of old movies and shows that I like. I can't stand "broadcast" TV.

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11 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

That actually isn't far-fetched at all. My TV only comes on for watching DVDs of old movies and shows that I like. I can't stand "broadcast" TV.

I don't like the news either.  I stupidly get sucked in by hot news anchors that strangely look surprised all the time becuase their skin is pulled so tight but I have to remember evil can look hot too.

Edited by sober4life
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I feel hopeful because my depression has lifted, probably as a result of having great support and the proper meds. I am practicing good self care and have more

energy to do things than I have since October. Feeling very happy about this at the moment, thanks for asking. 😊👍

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Worried and upset. My roommate completely blew me off. She had promised repeatedly to take me to the bank by the end of today, but she didn't even answer my text, and never came back to the house. I didn't even ask her to take me, she offered, and had the printout of the form I was supposed to turn in. Ugh. I assume the bank is either closed or about to by now. Just feel sick and wondering why. What now? Out of habit or from the PTSD, I guess, I keep wondering miserably if I did something to offend her or if she got irrationally annoyed with me for something I'm not even aware of again. 

I really needed to get this done today. She knew that. I don't understand. So many things like this have happened. I can't wait to move on from here. 😞 

Edited by Seeker206
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24 minutes ago, Seeker206 said:

Worried and upset. My roommate completely blew me off. She had promised repeatedly to take me to the bank by the end of today, but she didn't even answer my text, and never came back to the house. I didn't even ask her to take me, she offered, and had the printout of the form I was supposed to turn in. Ugh. I assume the bank is either closed or about to by now. Just feel sick and wondering why. What now? Out of habit or from the PTSD, I guess, I keep wondering miserably if I did something to offend her or if she got irrationally annoyed with me for something I'm not even aware of again. 

I really needed to get this done today. She knew that. I don't understand. So many things like this have happened. I can't wait to move on from here. 😞 

I know how you feel.  Everyone in real life is like that to me.  They say what they have to to get out of the room even promises they have no intention of keeping anything to get out of the room.  I think that's how everyone is.

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@sober4life I've been starting to go a little nuts wondering why.  Why would she not even answer my text? It was very polite and respectful, I thought. Just a simple inquiry. I'm worried about more conflict when she gets home, though I don't intend to recriminate. I just can't understand the dynamics in this house. Some people are psychologically impenetrable to me, I guess. 😞 

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41 minutes ago, Seeker206 said:

@sober4life I've been starting to go a little nuts wondering why.  Why would she not even answer my text? It was very polite and respectful, I thought. Just a simple inquiry. I'm worried about more conflict when she gets home, though I don't intend to recriminate. I just can't understand the dynamics in this house. Some people are psychologically impenetrable to me, I guess. 😞 

I jump to a lot of conclusions.  The truth is I don't think you did anything wrong.  The only thing you can do is wait to talk to her to find out.  Call her even I never text because I'm still using a flip phone and texting is a nightmare.

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My work will never get any better.

I am clearly being mobbed by gangs and everyone around me knows it. Despite the no violence rule, horrible things were said and done to my face and I could just imagine how much they say about me behind my back.

Coming in with a smile on my face and saying positive things won't help.

Despite my experience and previous positive results in retail customer service, catering, and the physical stuff in store warehouses, this place takes away takes away the things I do best and replaces things like long hours that drag and expect me to memorize lame junk with no practise.

Despite my ability to admit it when I'm the one who needs to change, it's even harder when I know my job can't get better no matter what I do.

It's truly up to someone else to give me an opportunity to make my money doing something that people are interested in and something that I have the ability to perform well at. Pleasing myself is the easy part. Convincing someone else to hire me, I can't think of anthing I could do to get it done, even though I spoke incredibly positive about myself multiple times in these last paragraphs.

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I used to think I was being overly negative about my co-workers, when I thought to myself that they don't value me in any way.

Then, someone tried to get me fired for absolutely nothing whatsoever. He's close to my other abusers. I was proven right.

I work with multiple groups of people who don't want me to have money to get by.

Edited by The_Unwanted
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Not a very eventful day.

Woke up early but took a nap. Made and ate lunch, but it wasn't enough for dinner...but I wanted to go visit the kitties and watch Lucifer on Netflix, so I did. Then had to scrounge together something for dinner. Hopefully it won't make me sick cuz it was leftovers. I feel ok at the moment. I really hope we can get pizza tomorrow and at my favorite place! I'm crazy craving it!!

Mood: okay

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