How do You Feel Right Now? #12

[anxiousE]

18 hours ago, iWantRope said:

I need advice/reasons why I should not do this by end of today/tomorrow.

life is precious, including yours. yes, it's not easy, but in difficulty we must muster strength. 

what keeps me going is that i'm not exactly sure what's on the other side. if we are meant to die (if it comes naturally) then it has to be ok, right? i mean, it's how it's meant to be.
but if we force it...well, i don't know! seems that usually when something is forced, it's not a good thing.  

I'm not sure if this is helpful to you or anyone here, and I'm kinda going out on a limb saying this, but i really want people to stick around.

[sober4life]

20 minutes ago, anxiousE said:

Hey all!
Long time, no speak!
Hope you're all doing ok.

I'll have to catch up with myself soon, but right now I'd like to speak on behalf of a friend interested in joining the community. I try to reassure her that she'd be welcome here, but she's had some struggles in the past and is very nervous. Particularly nervous due to these issues- borderline personality disorder and learning difficulties. She fears upsetting people or annoying them with her issues. I also let her know that several folks here struggle with these or similar issues...

Can y'all just help me bring her over here?? She really needs the support, and I can attest that she's a good person, even if very anxious sometimes (hey, we all get that right??)

Thanks!

And just quickly for me, I'm doing okay. Will tell more next time. Hugs!

Of course she's welcome here!

[anxiousE]

On 9/25/2020 at 1:31 PM, babyxgothxx said:

Am I the only one who looks back at old DF posts and cringe? I think I was being very immature in the past, or am I just being too hard on myself right now? I have changed quite a lot. At least I can use my old posts as motivation to continue to get better 

Hey!! I was actually wondering about you for some time! Nice to see you back! I know we didn't really get to know each other well, because I was new and shy at the time, but I always was rooting for you! Hope you're doing alright these days!

[willowtigger]

1 hour ago, anxiousE said:

Hey all!
Long time, no speak!
Hope you're all doing ok.

I'll have to catch up with myself soon, but right now I'd like to speak on behalf of a friend interested in joining the community. I try to reassure her that she'd be welcome here, but she's had some struggles in the past and is very nervous. Particularly nervous due to these issues- borderline personality disorder and learning difficulties. She fears upsetting people or annoying them with her issues. I also let her know that several folks here struggle with these or similar issues...

Can y'all just help me bring her over here?? She really needs the support, and I can attest that she's a good person, even if very anxious sometimes (hey, we all get that right??)

Thanks!

And just quickly for me, I'm doing okay. Will tell more next time. Hugs!

hi anxiouse hoping i'm actually welcome here

[willowtigger]

sorry it hard to type just now i got a Tigger on my lap with a bad leg (my cat, another cat had a go at her a few weeks ago and her leg still bad, she back into the vet on thursday)

my other cat is Willow, not the cat who had a go at my Tigger

Edited September 28, 2020 by willowtigger
trying to explain what i mean

[willowtigger]

as for how i'm feeling i'm getting scared about maggots and arthritis getting injected into Tigger's leg cause of that cat bite

[watalife]

Great. It's 100% rain tonight and it's time for bed. #ilovemondays 

[iWantRope]

3 hours ago, anxiousE said:

life is precious, including yours. yes, it's not easy, but in difficulty we must muster strength. 

I'm not sure if this is helpful to you or anyone here, and I'm kinda going out on a limb saying this, but i really want people to stick around.

Let me guess, are you still young i.e. not old enough to enter the adult workforce?

Newsflash: to this world, only the lives of those who can multitask work tasks under extreme amounts of pressure; are precious!

[babyxgothxx]

2 hours ago, anxiousE said:

Hey!! I was actually wondering about you for some time! Nice to see you back! I know we didn't really get to know each other well, because I was new and shy at the time, but I always was rooting for you! Hope you're doing alright these days!

Aww you're so sweet! I'm happy to hear from you again! I'm doing alright, thanks! I hope everything is well with you, too  

[DialAForAlan]

I feel really undeserving of the people I love and who love me. 

I can't have a normal, healthy conversation with just anyone because of my past trauma.
 

Edited September 29, 2020 by DialAForAlan

[watalife]

23 hours ago, watalife said:

Not good. My cat has acted pitiful all day and now he's lost his meow. Life is really great when you always have a sick cat 

Cats is meowing again. It will always have a problem with this. No telling how long I will have this cat considering problems and wanting to get outside to the woods. 

[jkd_sd]

14 hours ago, sober4life said:

Grandma passed away last night.

I am so very sorry.  Especially considering the extra pain caused by the Covid virus situation in society.  

Please take care of yourself and be gentle and kind to yourself.  If there is anything I can do to help, please please ask or PM me.  

[jkd_sd]

2 hours ago, willowtigger said:

sorry it hard to type just now i got a Tigger on my lap with a bad leg (my cat, another cat had a go at her a few weeks ago and her leg still bad, she back into the vet on thursday)

my other cat is Willow, not the cat who had a go at my Tigger

Oh, poor Tigger!  I would be so upset if anything like that happened to either of my kitties.  You are a good 'pet parent' for giving her extra attention while she is hurting.  Hope the vet appointment goes well on Thursday.

[anxiousE]

2 hours ago, iWantRope said:

Let me guess, are you still young i.e. not old enough to enter the adult workforce?

Newsflash: to this world, only the lives of those who can multitask work tasks under extreme amounts of pressure; are precious!

No, I'm plenty old enough, but I've not really had a serious job that I had to make a living from. Guess im lucky...but I'm also useless, so I don't always have confidence.

3 hours ago, willowtigger said:

as for how i'm feeling i'm getting scared about maggots and arthritis getting injected into Tigger's leg cause of that cat bite

Hey! Nice to see you! Welcome!

sorry about Tigger. I hope you can get her feeling better soon! Did I read you were going back to the vet? Seems they should be able to help, I hope. 

[nothing_man]

21 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

I am going into my "angry" phase of depression, which at least provides some feeling of motivation. Usually if it is just depression, everything feels grey and worthless. I don't stay angry very long, though, and will be back to "normal" in a day or two.

How long can one avoid oneself? Yes, keep busy, don't let your mind rest...that's when the bad thoughts come rushing in. But it's an exhausting way to live.

I keep a stash of packaged foods in my room when everything becomes difficult (tuna, crackers, instant noodle). Plus I have an electric kettle and some bouillon cubes to make soup. I can live in my room for a few days without going anywhere else but the bathroom. I don't recommend it, though.

 

It's actually a wise move, to have backup food for this cases, I should do that too. Thanks for replying.

[samadhiSheol]

My dead end job is k lling me. I hate everything about it. The commuting, the area it's situated in, the job itself,. I am 54 and all my jobs have been low pay dead end jobs. My life is at a dead end. Nowhere to go. All options are as bad as each other. Any changes i make in my life make no difference at all.

Story of my meaningless, futile life. I am out of options and old enough to see life as it truly is. Hopeless and pointless. More so when you don't even like yourself. Or anything else either.

Life is overrated and the persistance of continuing life at any cost baffles me to no end.

[sober4life]

Life is overrated but people pretend to be enjoying themselves most of the time.  Life is filled with people lying to us.  You should try this you'll really love it says the liar that doesn't even like it themselves and that's the story of life.  I swear if I'm one of the ones on tv "celebrating" my 100th birthday I'll be punching everyone.

[RiverLight]

4 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

My dead end job is k lling me. I hate everything about it. The commuting, the area it's situated in, the job itself,. I am 54 and all my jobs have been low pay dead end jobs. My life is at a dead end. Nowhere to go. All options are as bad as each other. Any changes i make in my life make no difference at all.

Story of my meaningless, futile life. I am out of options and old enough to see life as it truly is. Hopeless and pointless. More so when you don't even like yourself. Or anything else either.

Life is overrated and the persistance of continuing life at any cost baffles me to no end.

Hey, my friend. I feel your pain. 

Is there anything in your life that you feel grateful for? For example, lovely trips you've taken, having a roof over your head and food on the table, having a loving partner with you, any close friendships you have that you cherish, family members you cherish, beautiful scenery and landscapes that you love, or any hobbies you enjoy? 

I have found that gratitude helps me to feel better overall. It makes me feel far happier when I am in a more negative state. 

I am jobless with limited income and funds, but I have a roof over my head and food on the table, a husband who loves me, family members who love me and some close friends who love me. That makes me feel very grateful. 

When we focus on all the negatives or on what is lacking, we feel far more negative. When we focus on what we DO have that is positive or a silver lining, we can feel far more positive. 

Just some thoughts for you! 

 

 

[Nightjar]

On 9/28/2020 at 11:24 AM, sober4life said:

Grandma passed away last night.

So very sorry to hear that sober. Please lean on us here at the forums and let it all out. We are here to support you. 

[Nightjar]

On 9/28/2020 at 2:18 AM, watalife said:

Not good. My cat has acted pitiful all day and now he's lost his meow. Life is really great when you always have a sick cat 

My cat has health problems too. I know it's tough. I worry about her constantly, don't know how long I will have her and also worry about being able to cover vet fees as I don't have a high income.

I also hate taking her to the vet as she gets very stressed and is a nervous wreck as it is! She has separation anxiety and chest problems. She wheezes and is sick a lot. She's also very anxious. Her previous owners abandoning her to the streets in the middle of winter have caused these issues unfortunately. I'm glad I can give her a good home and lots of love but I do worry about her a lot. 

Can you tell us more about your cat? Have you had her long? How old is she? What breed etc? 

 

[RiverLight]

On 9/28/2020 at 6:24 AM, sober4life said:

Grandma passed away last night.

I'm so sorry for your loss!!! 

Edited September 29, 2020 by RiverLight

[sober4life]

2 hours ago, Nightjar said:

So very sorry to hear that sober. Please lean on us here at the forums and let it all out. We are here to support you. 

Thank you.  Right now I'm trying to keep busy.  I'm trying to take care of everything I need to do and take care of "everything else" that is stressing me out.  The hard part about a time like this is my mind will try to manipulate me and use the pain against me.  Sadly I've had a brain that has never wanted to be here.  I have a brain that likes taking me through the darkness hoping it will be too much for me and hoping I'll leave the world.

[Nightjar]

1 hour ago, sober4life said:

Thank you.  Right now I'm trying to keep busy.  I'm trying to take care of everything I need to do and take care of "everything else" that is stressing me out.  The hard part about a time like this is my mind will try to manipulate me and use the pain against me.  Sadly I've had a brain that has never wanted to be here.  I have a brain that likes taking me through the darkness hoping it will be too much for me and hoping I'll leave the world.

Yes, I think a lot of us can relate to our own mind being our worst enemy. But you have proven that your spirit is stronger than that. I know you have what it takes to get stronger and stronger and you do such a great job of supporting people here. Even if you did nothing else, that would be enough. 

[samadhiSheol]

On 9/28/2020 at 1:24 PM, sober4life said:

Grandma passed away last night.

I am sorry for your loss.

[samadhiSheol]

4 hours ago, RiverLight said:

Is there anything in your life that you feel grateful for? For example, lovely trips you've taken, having a roof over your head and food on the table, having a loving partner with you, any close friendships you have that you cherish, family members you cherish, beautiful scenery and landscapes that you love, or any hobbies you enjoy? 

I have found that gratitude helps me to feel better overall. It makes me feel far happier when I am in a more negative state. 

You are right, of course. There are things I am grateful of. In the past and even now.

The thing is, this has been going on for years and isn’t the first time I have gone through with being in this situation. Before though, I was 15 years younger and hope, though I had lost it then, wasn't irretrievable. In fact, all the jobs I have had have been the same. After a while I feel trapped and hopeless doing something I  don’t want to do and have no true feeling for.
 

No I am older and realize how little chance I have without skills or talents to speak of, or no lasting interests to be of any use. 

To be honest, I have never known what I really want and I have come to realize I don’t even know who I am. It’s part of the problem of course. A bit difficult to land in the perfect job/life if you don’t even know what you want or who you are.

Sometimes it’s like I am not even a real person. How can one not know what ones wants. Or who one truly is? I don’t even have values. Only stuff I have been indoctrinated with, societies norms, “treat others as you would want to be treated” etc. Nothing feels..authentic.
 

Nowadays I see my past as wasted(not completely of course, I have things to be grateful of). But my work life has been disappointing to say the least. And though I have things to be grateful for(a roof over my head etc.) none of it feels truly authentically mine. I don’t know the person living this life. 

What I have is just not enough.