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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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4 hours ago, RiverLight said:

Not surprising. Many people have a hard time dealing with other people. I’ve really gotten to a point of being fed up. 

Yeah I wasn't always that way.  When I was young I wanted to do jobs that would help people.  The world destroyed that dream for me.  

Edited by sober4life
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46 minutes ago, jkd_sd said:

Oh so sorry!  Can you at least visit her?

No this isn't earth anymore.  She's allowed one visitor her whole stay at the hospital and she was moved from one floor to another in the same hospital.  There's no empathy whatsoever right now in this world.  

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1 minute ago, sober4life said:

No this isn't earth anymore.  She's allowed one visitor her whole stay at the hospital and she was moved from one floor to another in the same hospital.  There's no empathy whatsoever right now in this world.  

That's so sad. Sorry that you can't be with her Sober 😟

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

No this isn't earth anymore.  She's allowed one visitor her whole stay at the hospital and she was moved from one floor to another in the same hospital.  There's no empathy whatsoever right now in this world.  

So very sorry.  I know there are no words that will help.  I wish you peace.

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14 hours ago, nothing_man said:

Got the feeling, I'm doing the same, filling every hour of my day. At some point we deceive ourselves. It's a coping mechanism, that keep us alive, that's all.

And they say "fake it until you make it". After 15 years as an adult, I'm kinda tired of faking. If I told myself 10 years ago that this was how I would be living, I honestly think I would've ended things then.

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Everyone is faking it though pretending to be better at this than they are.  We're all lost and in over our heads every moment of adulthood.  I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse but none of us are good at this.  Life is one full force punch in the face after another.

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On 9/26/2020 at 4:31 AM, sober4life said:

Houses in rural Ohio are very cheap.  Most of the local houses that have been for sale have been for years.  When you get to the point where you want to move you are very worried about not being able to sell your place.  Why?  Yes it's peaceful but there is absolutely nothing to do here.  If living here in this area is your dream it is very possible!

Thanks, at least it's good to hear that there's some real estate that may still be cheap. All I would really want is peace and quiet.

I wonder whether it's similar more to the west, like Indiana or Illinois or S/N Dakota. I used to live on the east coast and learned that the farther away from there, the better.

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On the "everything is hard to do" mood. I'm kind of hungry, but is a big deal to cook something, I don't have money to order food through delivery, neither I want to go out of the flat to pick some ready-to-eat food. So I'm basically staring at things, being abandoned.

I can blame the exam I didn't approve 2 days ago, after 2 weeks in a row studying the whole day, literally the whole day, not less than 14 hours a day. But I would be faking myself, behind all of the I'm bussy shit, there's a broken man. This seems to go in loops, getting really bussy, not obtaining a thing from being bussy all of that time, increasing depression, not wanting to see people, people probably don't understand what is going on with me, that's how it works. Nevertheless, I think I would choose or try to laugh at this situation. It's said that the mind is the root of all problems, the thoughts, so I'll evade myself all day, evade those thoughts, when possible. I'm done about trying to put some effort in life, in meeting people, in having a good image for others. I guess the time has come to accept that this could go on and on, some time I had some will for meeting someone, now I just really really want to be alone, 'cause the stress of faking to be okay and have energy to live is really high, I can't bare that amount of stress, not anymore, I just don't care anymore.

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1 hour ago, nothing_man said:

On the "everything is hard to do" mood. I'm kind of hungry, but is a big deal to cook something, I don't have money to order food through delivery, neither I want to go out of the flat to pick some ready-to-eat food. So I'm basically staring at things, being abandoned.

I can blame the exam I didn't approve 2 days ago, after 2 weeks in a row studying the whole day, literally the whole day, not less than 14 hours a day. But I would be faking myself, behind all of the I'm bussy shit, there's a broken man. This seems to go in loops, getting really bussy, not obtaining a thing from being bussy all of that time, increasing depression, not wanting to see people, people probably don't understand what is going on with me, that's how it works. Nevertheless, I think I would choose or try to laugh at this situation. It's said that the mind is the root of all problems, the thoughts, so I'll evade myself all day, evade those thoughts, when possible. I'm done about trying to put some effort in life, in meeting people, in having a good image for others. I guess the time has come to accept that this could go on and on, some time I had some will for meeting someone, now I just really really want to be alone, 'cause the stress of faking to be okay and have energy to live is really high, I can't bare that amount of stress, not anymore, I just don't care anymore.

I am going into my "angry" phase of depression, which at least provides some feeling of motivation. Usually if it is just depression, everything feels grey and worthless. I don't stay angry very long, though, and will be back to "normal" in a day or two.

How long can one avoid oneself? Yes, keep busy, don't let your mind rest...that's when the bad thoughts come rushing in. But it's an exhausting way to live.

I keep a stash of packaged foods in my room when everything becomes difficult (tuna, crackers, instant noodle). Plus I have an electric kettle and some bouillon cubes to make soup. I can live in my room for a few days without going anywhere else but the bathroom. I don't recommend it, though.

 

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6 hours ago, anon22ae said:

Thanks, at least it's good to hear that there's some real estate that may still be cheap. All I would really want is peace and quiet.

I wonder whether it's similar more to the west, like Indiana or Illinois or S/N Dakota. I used to live on the east coast and learned that the farther away from there, the better.

You can absolutely find a house here for 25000 or under.  This is a peaceful quiet place.  You'll talk to your neighbors in the beginning and on rare occasions maybe never again.  People come here to hide but at the same time if you need help you will get it here.  Rural Ohio is like Mayberry from the Andy Griffith show.  Some of the cities are very rough but you don't really ever have to go there.  The first debate will be at Cleveland Clinic and it's not even safe to walk outside there or cross the street.  They had to make a tunnel under the street to the parking garage because it's not even safe to cross the street there.

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

Grandma passed away last night.

Oh damn, I'm so very sorry. My heartfelt condolences go out to you. Wish I was closer so I could drop in to make sure you are OK. Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing. Please feel free to PM me if you need to.

Edited by JD4010
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9 hours ago, anon22ae said:

Thanks, at least it's good to hear that there's some real estate that may still be cheap. All I would really want is peace and quiet.

I wonder whether it's similar more to the west, like Indiana or Illinois or S/N Dakota. I used to live on the east coast and learned that the farther away from there, the better.

It's funny...when I was younger, I considered anything east of the Mississippi River to be "in the east." I moved to Wisconsin in 1988 so now I live "in the east."

I have the opportunity to move to a small farm in Indiana, just across the river from Louisville. I have it in my head that the location is both too far "east" and too far "south." But the potential for a major life change looms large. In a perfect world, I'd move further west again--Colorado, NM, Wyoming, Montana...but there are no opportunities anywhere and Colorado has become ridiculously expensive.

Edited by JD4010
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3 minutes ago, DialAForAlan said:

Is "depression brain" a thing? Like where you get into a fog and forget the most simple things (such as an important item on your grocery list) or am I just strange?

That's my default setting.

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4 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Oh damn, I'm so very sorry. My heartfelt condolences go out to you. Wish I was closer so I could drop in to make sure you are OK. Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing. Please feel free to PM me if you need to.

I'm doing ok.  I'm keeping myself busy right now.  I'll be ok I'm "one of the strong ones".  That's the person I pretend to be to family now so that's who I need to be for them right now.

Edited by sober4life
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Hey all!
Long time, no speak!
Hope you're all doing ok. ❤️

I'll have to catch up with myself soon, but right now I'd like to speak on behalf of a friend interested in joining the community. I try to reassure her that she'd be welcome here, but she's had some struggles in the past and is very nervous. Particularly nervous due to these issues- borderline personality disorder and learning difficulties. She fears upsetting people or annoying them with her issues. I also let her know that several folks here struggle with these or similar issues...

Can y'all just help me bring her over here?? She really needs the support, and I can attest that she's a good person, even if very anxious sometimes (hey, we all get that right??) ❤️

Thanks!

And just quickly for me, I'm doing okay. Will tell more next time. Hugs!

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