Nightjar Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 Having a bad anxiety day. I'm hoping I feel better later on 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, RiverLight said: Not surprising. Many people have a hard time dealing with other people. I’ve really gotten to a point of being fed up. Yeah I wasn't always that way. When I was young I wanted to do jobs that would help people. The world destroyed that dream for me. Edited September 27, 2020 by sober4life 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 Grandma has been moved to hospice care. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jkd_sd Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 1 hour ago, sober4life said: Grandma has been moved to hospice care. Oh so sorry! Can you at least visit her? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 46 minutes ago, jkd_sd said: Oh so sorry! Can you at least visit her? No this isn't earth anymore. She's allowed one visitor her whole stay at the hospital and she was moved from one floor to another in the same hospital. There's no empathy whatsoever right now in this world. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightjar Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 1 minute ago, sober4life said: No this isn't earth anymore. She's allowed one visitor her whole stay at the hospital and she was moved from one floor to another in the same hospital. There's no empathy whatsoever right now in this world. That's so sad. Sorry that you can't be with her Sober 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jkd_sd Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 1 hour ago, sober4life said: No this isn't earth anymore. She's allowed one visitor her whole stay at the hospital and she was moved from one floor to another in the same hospital. There's no empathy whatsoever right now in this world. So very sorry. I know there are no words that will help. I wish you peace. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kogent5 Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 14 hours ago, nothing_man said: Got the feeling, I'm doing the same, filling every hour of my day. At some point we deceive ourselves. It's a coping mechanism, that keep us alive, that's all. And they say "fake it until you make it". After 15 years as an adult, I'm kinda tired of faking. If I told myself 10 years ago that this was how I would be living, I honestly think I would've ended things then. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Everyone is faking it though pretending to be better at this than they are. We're all lost and in over our heads every moment of adulthood. I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse but none of us are good at this. Life is one full force punch in the face after another. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watalife Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Not good. My cat has acted pitiful all day and now he's lost his meow. Life is really great when you always have a sick cat 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iWantRope Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 On 9/12/2020 at 3:21 PM, iWantRope said: This may be my final month. After 17th September maybe I'll checkout from this hell for good. I need advice/reasons why I should not do this by end of today/tomorrow. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anon22ae Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 On 9/26/2020 at 4:31 AM, sober4life said: Houses in rural Ohio are very cheap. Most of the local houses that have been for sale have been for years. When you get to the point where you want to move you are very worried about not being able to sell your place. Why? Yes it's peaceful but there is absolutely nothing to do here. If living here in this area is your dream it is very possible! Thanks, at least it's good to hear that there's some real estate that may still be cheap. All I would really want is peace and quiet. I wonder whether it's similar more to the west, like Indiana or Illinois or S/N Dakota. I used to live on the east coast and learned that the farther away from there, the better. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nothing_man Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 On the "everything is hard to do" mood. I'm kind of hungry, but is a big deal to cook something, I don't have money to order food through delivery, neither I want to go out of the flat to pick some ready-to-eat food. So I'm basically staring at things, being abandoned. I can blame the exam I didn't approve 2 days ago, after 2 weeks in a row studying the whole day, literally the whole day, not less than 14 hours a day. But I would be faking myself, behind all of the I'm bussy shit, there's a broken man. This seems to go in loops, getting really bussy, not obtaining a thing from being bussy all of that time, increasing depression, not wanting to see people, people probably don't understand what is going on with me, that's how it works. Nevertheless, I think I would choose or try to laugh at this situation. It's said that the mind is the root of all problems, the thoughts, so I'll evade myself all day, evade those thoughts, when possible. I'm done about trying to put some effort in life, in meeting people, in having a good image for others. I guess the time has come to accept that this could go on and on, some time I had some will for meeting someone, now I just really really want to be alone, 'cause the stress of faking to be okay and have energy to live is really high, I can't bare that amount of stress, not anymore, I just don't care anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kogent5 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 1 hour ago, nothing_man said: On the "everything is hard to do" mood. I'm kind of hungry, but is a big deal to cook something, I don't have money to order food through delivery, neither I want to go out of the flat to pick some ready-to-eat food. So I'm basically staring at things, being abandoned. I can blame the exam I didn't approve 2 days ago, after 2 weeks in a row studying the whole day, literally the whole day, not less than 14 hours a day. But I would be faking myself, behind all of the I'm bussy shit, there's a broken man. This seems to go in loops, getting really bussy, not obtaining a thing from being bussy all of that time, increasing depression, not wanting to see people, people probably don't understand what is going on with me, that's how it works. Nevertheless, I think I would choose or try to laugh at this situation. It's said that the mind is the root of all problems, the thoughts, so I'll evade myself all day, evade those thoughts, when possible. I'm done about trying to put some effort in life, in meeting people, in having a good image for others. I guess the time has come to accept that this could go on and on, some time I had some will for meeting someone, now I just really really want to be alone, 'cause the stress of faking to be okay and have energy to live is really high, I can't bare that amount of stress, not anymore, I just don't care anymore. I am going into my "angry" phase of depression, which at least provides some feeling of motivation. Usually if it is just depression, everything feels grey and worthless. I don't stay angry very long, though, and will be back to "normal" in a day or two. How long can one avoid oneself? Yes, keep busy, don't let your mind rest...that's when the bad thoughts come rushing in. But it's an exhausting way to live. I keep a stash of packaged foods in my room when everything becomes difficult (tuna, crackers, instant noodle). Plus I have an electric kettle and some bouillon cubes to make soup. I can live in my room for a few days without going anywhere else but the bathroom. I don't recommend it, though. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Grandma passed away last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 6 hours ago, anon22ae said: Thanks, at least it's good to hear that there's some real estate that may still be cheap. All I would really want is peace and quiet. I wonder whether it's similar more to the west, like Indiana or Illinois or S/N Dakota. I used to live on the east coast and learned that the farther away from there, the better. You can absolutely find a house here for 25000 or under. This is a peaceful quiet place. You'll talk to your neighbors in the beginning and on rare occasions maybe never again. People come here to hide but at the same time if you need help you will get it here. Rural Ohio is like Mayberry from the Andy Griffith show. Some of the cities are very rough but you don't really ever have to go there. The first debate will be at Cleveland Clinic and it's not even safe to walk outside there or cross the street. They had to make a tunnel under the street to the parking garage because it's not even safe to cross the street there. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 12 hours ago, iWantRope said: I need advice/reasons why I should not do this by end of today/tomorrow. Well, for one thing, your family here at DF would miss you. I think we need each other. PM me if you want! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, sober4life said: Grandma passed away last night. Oh damn, I'm so very sorry. My heartfelt condolences go out to you. Wish I was closer so I could drop in to make sure you are OK. Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing. Please feel free to PM me if you need to. Edited September 28, 2020 by JD4010 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DialAForAlan Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Is "depression brain" a thing? Like where you get into a fog and forget the most simple things (such as an important item on your grocery list) or am I just strange? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, anon22ae said: Thanks, at least it's good to hear that there's some real estate that may still be cheap. All I would really want is peace and quiet. I wonder whether it's similar more to the west, like Indiana or Illinois or S/N Dakota. I used to live on the east coast and learned that the farther away from there, the better. It's funny...when I was younger, I considered anything east of the Mississippi River to be "in the east." I moved to Wisconsin in 1988 so now I live "in the east." I have the opportunity to move to a small farm in Indiana, just across the river from Louisville. I have it in my head that the location is both too far "east" and too far "south." But the potential for a major life change looms large. In a perfect world, I'd move further west again--Colorado, NM, Wyoming, Montana...but there are no opportunities anywhere and Colorado has become ridiculously expensive. Edited September 28, 2020 by JD4010 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 3 minutes ago, DialAForAlan said: Is "depression brain" a thing? Like where you get into a fog and forget the most simple things (such as an important item on your grocery list) or am I just strange? That's my default setting. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iWantRope Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 6 hours ago, sober4life said: Grandma passed away last night. See it as she has left the world of pain. She will never feel suffering ever again. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DialAForAlan Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 (edited) I don't deserve to be loved or have friends. I'm better off by myself, lonely as that will be, because I always screw things up in the end. Everyone I've ever loved or cared about leaves eventually so why deny the truth? Edited September 28, 2020 by DialAForAlan 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, JD4010 said: Oh damn, I'm so very sorry. My heartfelt condolences go out to you. Wish I was closer so I could drop in to make sure you are OK. Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing. Please feel free to PM me if you need to. I'm doing ok. I'm keeping myself busy right now. I'll be ok I'm "one of the strong ones". That's the person I pretend to be to family now so that's who I need to be for them right now. Edited September 28, 2020 by sober4life 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anxiousE Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Hey all! Long time, no speak! Hope you're all doing ok. I'll have to catch up with myself soon, but right now I'd like to speak on behalf of a friend interested in joining the community. I try to reassure her that she'd be welcome here, but she's had some struggles in the past and is very nervous. Particularly nervous due to these issues- borderline personality disorder and learning difficulties. She fears upsetting people or annoying them with her issues. I also let her know that several folks here struggle with these or similar issues... Can y'all just help me bring her over here?? She really needs the support, and I can attest that she's a good person, even if very anxious sometimes (hey, we all get that right??) Thanks! And just quickly for me, I'm doing okay. Will tell more next time. Hugs! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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