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How do you know when the therapist is right for you?


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I just started going to therapy. I have depression and anxiety but i also feel like i may be suffering from a personality disorder (possibly borderline). Anyways although i had only been to one session, i get the feeling my therapist doesnt believe me in some of the symptoms i tell her i have. For example i told her i have bad anxiety and its hard for me to leave my house at times, her response was "well you made it here and you seem fine". Another example was she asked me of i had anger issues (which i do and need help with) and she said to me "really u seem like such a sweet person and everybody gets angry when they reach a boiling point". Ummmm okay? Thats not really what i want to hear. I didnt even bring up the fact that i may possibly have bpd because honestly she probably would have said something along the lines of " you seem perfectly normal"

I guess my question is how long should i give this therapist a chance before i request someone else or look for someone else? Its my first visit so i know i should give it at least 2 more visits but im not sure if shes the right fit for me.

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I do want to point out that by no means do i think people with borderline personality disorder or any other mental health disorder is not "normal". I only said this in my post because that was the word she used throughout our session and i was only guessing those were going to be her choice of words if i had mentioned that i believe i have signs of BPD.

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It is difficult sometimes to know if a therapist is going to work out.  Doubts, questions and concerns have also happened to me in relation to therapists.   I think your idea of giving it a two week trial is a good idea.   Maybe I am wrong though.  I hope you get lots of responses to your post so you have a variety of opinions to factor into whatever decision you make.  Wish you only the best!

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  • 2 weeks later...

How did your second and third visit go?

I cannot know how many visits to a therapist it will require for you to tell a yes from a no, that is strictly personal I think because it is a matter of trust. 

I can offer some examples of when I knew I could work with my therapist:

I could finally get vulnerable, get real, drop walls that I put up to protect me which ended up imprisoning me. 

I could tell my therapist some feelings I was ashamed and embarrassed about and wasn't totally preoccupied with being judged. 

I could loosen my rigid thinking. Allow for the possibility that there are ways of thinking about something other than the way I've been thinking about it -- and these alternative ways of thinking may have some merit.

Best luck. 

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