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20YearsandCounting

It's Almost Love Day Again.....

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For those of us who may be single for love day, or in an unhealthy/unbalanced relationship that does not meet our needs in one way or another...

How does it make you feel when Valentine's Day rolls around, and how do you cope with it? 

What do you struggle with, and how do you deal?

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Doesn't bother me because when I was with someone it was still fake. Last I remember a bear was being throwed in the garbage because he was a *****.

A soon as I get the money I will buy me some russell stovers ❤⚘🍫

Flowers are overrated so I won't be missing them.

Edited by watalife

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This is something I read somewhere:  "When I am all alone, I am in very good company."  It kind of puts into words how I feel most of the time.  

This Valentine's Day I think I will treat myself to a meal at a nice Italian restaurant and have some chocolate.  I know that diet sodas have been linked to Alzheimer's disease but I'm sure I'll have a Diet Coke too.  It is one of my wicked pleasures.  lol. 

If I could overcome my fear of catching the flu, I would probably take an Amtrak train somewhere on Valentine's Day.  I did that on Christmas and the train was decorated with Christmas lights and decorations.

I like getting a roomette on Amtrak but it is quite expensive to someone like me living on a fixed income. 

Just going from Albuquerque to Los Angeles and back in a roomette is almost $800 dollars.  That is a lot of money to me even though meals are included.  I love seeing America by train.  In a roomette I can get a little exercise too which always improves my mood.

I hope everyone, single or coupled, has a nice Valentine's Day.

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I’ve always found it to be a very difficult day when I’ve been in a relationship.  Not particularly difficult emotionally, but often very bothersome.  Often a no-win situation, particularly in my marriage which ended in ‘14 after 14 years.  In that relationship, it was impossible to navigate that day.  One of two things would be true:

1.  Ex-wife would say “yes, get me something”.  So I would, gladly.  I love giving that kind of thing.  Really do.  The result of getting something?  Admonished & was told that I’d spent too much.

2.  She would tell me “No, don’t get me anything”.  So I wouldn’t.  Obviously the outcome would be admonishing once again, this time for not getting anything.

It was a no-win situation, but then again, she was an individual who really couldn’t ever be satisfied, no matter what the conditions.

So in the context of the marriage, I simply stopped paying any attention to 2/14 at all.  If I was going to get in trouble either way, I preferred to get admonished without spending any money.  🤣

To be fair, during the one long-term post-divorce relationship, it was quite different, and while still a bit challenging, nothing close to what took place during the marriage.  

In the end, I think it just has everything to do with the individual person with whom you’re involved.  I believe that it’s a very individual thing, which frankly, makes the day difficult in a different way.  It can become a completely new challenge with each new person.

One other thing that I will say.  I believe that a big part of what makes the day so difficult is that there is an inherent tremendous imbalance in terms of its very nature.  To be fair, it really is a wife/girlfriend-centric day.  In my experience, at least, it has never been a day of equal, reciprocal exchange of affection/gifts.  In my mind, such an inherent imbalance is destined to cause issues.  Anything at all that is so imbalanced is doomed to be replete with difficulties.

When I’m not dating anyone, the day doesn’t phase me at all one way or the other.  Really doesn’t even cross my mind.  It certainly doesn’t make me long for someone with whom to share it.  Perfectly ok with me.

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Just now, 20YearsandCounting said:

How does it make you feel when Valentine's Day rolls around, and how do you cope with it? 

What do you struggle with, and how do you deal?

Honestly, as a long-time single, I do best when I don't struggle, deal, or cope with days like Valentines.  I don't want to feel bad because I'm supposed to in my situation.  I only want to feel bad if I feel bad . . . for personal reasons, not from advertising barrages.  I pretty much don't notice the holidays, but they don't make me sad. 

Bulgakov

Edited by Bulgakov

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I didn't like Valentine's Day as much when I was single for sure, but there's are some ways to make it more fun. Exchange valentines/candies with friends or family, spend the day pampering yourself, or throw a Anti-Valentine's Day party. I've even heard it referred to as Singles Awareness Day and people do funny things around that. 

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I've bought a valentines card for my cat 😂 She is the love of my life after all!

I like to mark valentine's day in some way but that's purely because I like to observe the calender and seasonal festivals.

 

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I can tolerate a day of additional reminders that I'm lonely, without a love or even a snuggly substitute, and practice some distress tolerance.

It's a very nice holiday for anybody in love and for some couples, it's a special date to look forward to. I dont begrudge those fools their little joys - wow. Alrighty then, maybe I do just a bit!

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For some reason I really love VDAY. I love it for the platonic love though, not the romantic. It gives me a chance to spoil my friends and I always bring festive donuts into work. (I LOVE donuts.) I’ve been hopelessly in love with a friend of mine for almost two years now, and we work together that Friday, so I’m sure that’ll sting, but really it’s just another day I suppose. What’s hard is having to walk my friends through the day :/. A few of my friends are really lonely and I feel for them cause I get it, but sometimes it’s hard to try and help them because I have other issues going on in my life (parents getting divorce, mom having cancer,) and sometimes that makes it hard to constantly have to reiterate, “You will find love etc etc etc.” and just have them say “I hate my life I hate myself I’ll never find love! What’s the point!” in return. It’s hard because I feel like no matter how hard I try I can’t help them, and it is frustrating. I wish there was something more I could do to make this time of year easier for them.  I just want to have fun with my friends but this time of year it just turns into one big “I’ll never find love,” festival, which makes me feel like I’ll never find love, and then it just sucks. 

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Just now, hendricksbrock said:

I have other issues going on in my life (parents getting divorce, mom having cancer

Hi Hendricksbrock,

These are hard situations to work through, for each of you.  It's admirable that you consider your friends' welfare; everyone should.  The idea that's it's your responsibility to fix people/friends emotionally is complex, but with respect, not real.  There are professionals who do that for large money, and they still generate more questions than answers.  I'd put more energy into healing yourself, and helping your mom and dad if you can.

Best, Bulgakov

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It bothers me some what, but usually push it to the back of my head really quick.

To me Valentine’s Day is nothing more than a pseudo, designed to validate an illusion of importance. You don't need someone to be happy, and you don't need someone to feel complete. On top of that, so many confuse love with infatuation.

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It's a CONSTRUCT based upon, but in the end, really having nothing to do with, the legends built around a make-do saint.  Myth and legend are world-wide phenomena; a creation or death story is "founded" in one place, and the same story pops up on the other side of the world.  Joseph Campbell says there is a universal, collective unconscious that manifests itself in any number of ways, linking people of all races, creeds and cultures.  We are not separate, but part of a beneficent chain of souls linking the best and the worst in mankind.  V-Day I suppose, is an expression of that "best."

If only we could keep it going for a lifetime.  We are too easily and selfishly led by our needs and desires, and will satisfy them in any way possible.  This dangerous need to be led, at least for now, has created a monster who thinks he rules the world.  Any acolyte of such poor reasoning pays a high price for his fear and ignorance, and misuse of his heart and soul  The members of the monster's team are idiot children afraid of their own shadows.

I am sick to think of it.

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Last time I cared about old Val's day was... 20 years ago. I gave my crush a hand-drawn card.

No wait... I still do care, I get to buy discount choccy and video games for myself!

Edited by APFSDS

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On 2/7/2020 at 10:01 AM, sober4life said:

Like every other year I hope I die before the day arrives.

I wish I was smart enough to stick with that thinking the whole time.  There's still time left to **** me god before the day arrives. 

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Actually forgot what day it was until I went to store for cat food. Made me sad as daughter #2 always drew me something for

Vday  except for last year and this year. 

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On 2/11/2020 at 3:22 PM, APFSDS said:

No wait... I still do care, I get to buy discount choccy and video games for myself!

That's right, the 15th is national Discount Candy Day.  It's easy to remember because it comes every year on the day following Valentines.  Romance fades; the love of chocolate not so much.

Bulga

Edited by Bulgakov
mispeled 'mispelled'

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