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SailingSoul

Depressed, bitter -- feel there's no hope

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anymore. Like tonight, i had broken sleep with my baby...but i had to get up and iron my 12 yr old brothers clothes and take him off to school. 

Im TIRED AS HELL! I HAVE 2 OTHER ADULT FKN BROTHERS!!! 
But i always have to do this (( reason why: my brothers are manipulated by my pastor aunt and do everything she wants from cooking to cleaning that they dont have time to help out here. We keep talking but they won't wake up.)) 

Thrn my mom wants me to do laundry. I want to and im willing...but i need my brothers help for 3 plus loads of laundry and he rarely helps bc hes next door being controlled by my damn aunt. 

Like after i dropped my mom off at work.. She wanted ne to do a load. It got dark and my brother never came to help but i get the blame. 

Im only getting 2700 in my refund and my mom wanted 1k but i haggled her down to 600 and i let her use my ebt card 😕

I feel guilty bc my mom does alot ..she did alot for my baby and when i leave shell have to do everything from cooking, pixking up and deopping my brother off.. I feel bad bc my brothers will be absolutely no help. 

 

A lot of times i feel i wont make it. If i can just get my own apt for my baby and I thats something. But i have too many expenses..and id need a good job plus another car. Im stuck... I hate things never get better for me it just gets bad then worse. 

My worst fear is the hpv developing into cancer and i never fully get to live and this shitty cycle continues for my son bc im not able to help him. 

Stuff like this makes me wish i would just die and not wake up. Each day is just a taunt ..like you could have this but you wont bc your circumstances are against you. 

Idk i hope that corona virus hits me--so many innocent people die and i just wonder why am i alive? If i could give my life for them I would without hesitation. Theu deserve to live not me. I just dont enjoy living if life never gets better the only thing that happens is it just being dragged out..no Id rather just die. I hate false hope. I just wish Id croak already.

Edited by SailingSoul

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Im so thankful for this site bc i feel i have no one to talk to. My dad is running back to his truck.....my friends have their own lives... Everything is so aggrevating I juat have to wait for 30 mins juat for everything to be alright. Its sad I have to choose between my sanity or my health. If i start working now it wont be. Agood paying job I wont be able to gwt my biopsy and my hpv will certainly turn into cancer.

I juat wish Id die already. I feel no one faces the shyt I face. Im depressed.

Edited by SailingSoul

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57 minutes ago, SailingSoul said:

Im so thankful for this site bc i feel i have no one to talk to. My dad is running back to his truck.....my friends have their own lives... Everything is so aggrevating I juat have to wait for 30 mins juat for everything to be alright. Its sad I have to choose between my sanity or my health. If i start working now it wont be. Agood paying job I wont be able to gwt my biopsy and my hpv will certainly turn into cancer.

I juat wish Id die already. I feel no one faces the shyt I face. Im depressed.

I know what you mean about this site. I'd have been pushing up daisies long ago if not for this place.

Your situation sucks. There's no way of sugar coating that. I'd be worried if you weren't depressed because of it.

Do I have any sage advice? Not really. You and I and the rest of our DF family are up here on the front lines battling it out day after day. It makes us very weary but we keep slogging through somehow. I'd say that makes us the toughest people on the planet.

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32 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I know what you mean about this site. I'd have been pushing up daisies long ago if not for this place.

Your situation sucks. There's no way of sugar coating that. I'd be worried if you weren't depressed because of it.

Do I have any sage advice? Not really. You and I and the rest of our DF family are up here on the front lines battling it out day after day. It makes us very weary but we keep slogging through somehow. I'd say that makes us the toughest people on the planet.

Thank you for your response and nit sugar coating it. It does suck a lot of ass.. My baby keeps me going bc he's just so adorable. 

Im gonna try to keep going i guess. And thanks for keeping it real with me. 

I thank h guys for not getting tired of me.

Edited by SailingSoul

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1 hour ago, SailingSoul said:

Thank you for your response and nit sugar coating it. It does suck a lot of ass.. My baby keeps me going bc he's just so adorable. 

Im gonna try to keep going i guess. And thanks for keeping it real with me. 

I thank h guys for not getting tired of me.

No way we would get tired of you!

My daughter and my kitties keep me going so I know what that is like.

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