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Having trouble leaving home


hendricksbrock

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I have had OCD all my life and been through many ups and downs with it, but for some reason recently it’s been at it’s worse. I’m assuming the added stress of my mom having cancer as well as my parents divorce has caused some turmoil, but I thought by this time I would’ve learned to cope better. On top of school and work I feel like I’m deteriorating at an accelerating rate. 
 

I have always had an intense fear of illness but recently it’s driving me to the point of not being able to leave home or my dorm. I go home every weekend to see my mom but once I’m home, I don’t want to leave. I cry when she brings me back and have to take a Xanax. I used to love going out and taking the subway places and trying new things but now it’s painful for me to even get to class. I have to have a seat by the door and if I don’t I’ll wig out. I’m always convinced I’m going to throw up or catch something or embarrass myself in public so I just don’t want to leave the safety of my home. It’s so hard for me even to go grocery shopping. I always get these senses of doom that something horrible is going to happen to me. 

 

With all this talk of the coronavirus it’s been really hard on me. My fear of illness is bad enough as it is but seeing it everywhere is taking its toll. The first case was just diagnosed in my city and I am devastated. I’m celebrating my birthday with my parents today but I just want to die. I know it sounds dramatic but I can’t deal with this fear and panic anymore it’s driving me insane. My mom has cancer and is immunocompromised and I can’t stop thinking about how if I got the virus and spread it to her, it could **** her and be my fault. It’s all I can think about. I just want to be left alone I want to stop hearing about the disease I can’t take it I’m losing it. 
 

My mom thinks I’ve become agoraphobic and thinks I should take a leave of absence from school and work and seek treatment. I don’t think she is right- I KNOW she is right. But my fear of being a failure keeps me from dropping out. What do I do? 

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@hendricksbrock First off, Happy Birthday!

Secondly, I'm very sorry that your mom has cancer. My mother did as well. 😞

I'm also sorry about the ongoing angst about going places. Personally I decided not to worry about the latest coronavirus or whatever it is. Every few years, they seem to come up with some new bug to scare us with. Swine flu, bird flu, SARS, etc. etc. I think they scare us on purpose. They do the same kind of thing to get us to acquiesce to endless war. Well, I'm not playing their games anymore.

 

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17 hours ago, JD4010 said:

@hendricksbrock First off, Happy Birthday!

Secondly, I'm very sorry that your mom has cancer. My mother did as well. 😞

I'm also sorry about the ongoing angst about going places. Personally I decided not to worry about the latest coronavirus or whatever it is. Every few years, they seem to come up with some new bug to scare us with. Swine flu, bird flu, SARS, etc. etc. I think they scare us on purpose. They do the same kind of thing to get us to acquiesce to endless war. Well, I'm not playing their games anymore.

 

Thank you for the birthday wishes. You’re probably right. My parents said the same thing. I remember the swine flu crisis, everyone was talking like it was the end of the world. I’ve decided to tune out of the news for a few days to catch a break from the endless fear mongering. It’s not doing me any good!

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13 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

Happy birthday 

and am sorry I understand how hard it is to have a loved one has cancer she just passed away in December sorry I don’t have anything really good to say just hope things get better for you

Thanks for the birthday wishes! I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for reaching out to me, it means a lot. 

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Happy birthday to you! It sounds like you have a lot on your emotional plate. To expect yourself to handle all that isn’t realistic. I think to seek treatment isn’t failure, it’s courage. Please be gentle on yourself and get the help you need. 
 

BW

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  • 4 months later...

Everyone has a fear of failure, its natural to be afraid of failing. You need to be motivated and determined to do what you want in life. You also need to set the foundation and know exactly what you want and how you are going to achieve these things. If you mother dies of cancer, it will not be the end for you. Perhaps she could try prayer everyday. Lost of people have had cancer and still live years later. Corona virus will not catch you, if you remain safe and listen to the governments rules and regulations. 

Edited by Prycejosh1987
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