Totally headmess

[dontnowat2doanymore]

Hi all, Dont no where to start really, ive been all over the place this past year, October 2018 my brother got back in touch after 10 years of no contact Saying he wanted to move on as he has always been a trouble maker since he was bout 14 stealing,lieing,taking drugs, so he started coming up to where we live every weekend, it was ok to start with xmas 18 was ok, bit weird as he was acting shifty, then january 19 Came and all went down hill from there...... Starting with His gf contacting me to say no one had seen him for a week was he with us which he wasnt so i started worrying a bit then i put missing posters all over facebook contacting everyone i new, then my mum contacted the police to report him missing but they told her he wasnt missing he was in prison but couldnt tell us what for, So i contacted his gf to tell her where he was and not to worry, Then it all went down hill VERY QUICKLY. as we was talkin to his gf she started asking questions bout my brothers childhood ie had my dad ever broken my brothers bones (which he never did) and then a massive bomb dropped which destroyed my world, He had told his gf i Sexually abused him as a child (which is a lie). my whole life all i have done is look after him from when i was 7 my mum and dad wasnt around, my mum left and my dad basically moved out to his gfs,so Every day i would get up make sure he had breakfast, clean uniform, all his school work then take him to school and go to school myself, then after school would pick him up brig him home and make him his dinner and make him do his homework before bed,

I really dont no why he would say these horrible things bout me, it cuts me up inside every day and makes me sick, All i ever did for him was help, it now turns out hes smoking heroin and weed mixed together, he self harms by burning himself, he claims benefits that he doesnt need or deserve, We havent spoken since Febuary 19, I Dont think i will ever be able to forgive him,  while he was comin up he met my 9 year old daughter aswell and she grew attached to him, so she keeps asking when can i see him again, i have to keep making excuses up.

He makes up lies to fit in with people as the group of friends he had before all this came out had there own problems, one of them felt that bad for the lies my brother told him he had a breakdown over it, but then when it all came out that he was lieing bout everything he said they have all turned there back on him, All the family have turned there back on him aswell, As it turns out hes also been stealing from my really poorly nan and my grandad before he died, Also his ex gf who he has a son with he used to hit her so she moved house to get away from him he then found her and went mental, so she had to go into hiding to get away from him. Since Febuary 19 he has made threats against my disabled mum that he knows where she lives and to watch her back, My mum has a cpn who comes every 2 weeks and he has had to put safeguarding on her, and police have put her down on emergecy list that if sh ever rings police will be there within 2 mins, My brother also had the cheek on his birthday 2019 to ask my mum for money after all this happened, obviosly she said no. Since Febuary 2019  me and my mum have had few dodgy phone calls and my mum got sent funeral information sent thro post to her. He has also had his best friend drive up to where we live and follow me and mum round.

I have constant nightmares and struggle to focus and leave the house,

[Epictetus]

dontnowat2doanymore,

I am so sorry that you are suffering and have been suffering!   Wish I knew what to say that would help. My mind and memory are not well.  Hope others here will have "helpful" words for you!

[BeyondWeary]

So sorry you are going through this. How awful for you! My son was out of control for a long time using drugs and alcohol. He was sick and sick people do crazy mean things. It is the drugs that take over. It helped my to separate the person from their sickness in my mind so that I wouldn't take it so hard and be able to detach from their bad behavior. I needed boundaries as well as emotional boundaries with myself so I wouldn't take everything personally. Hope that helps a little.

BW

[dontnowat2doanymore]

On 1/25/2020 at 12:10 AM, BeyondWeary said:

So sorry you are going through this. How awful for you! My son was out of control for a long time using drugs and alcohol. He was sick and sick people do crazy mean things. It is the drugs that take over. It helped my to separate the person from their sickness in my mind so that I wouldn't take it so hard and be able to detach from their bad behavior. I needed boundaries as well as emotional boundaries with myself so I wouldn't take everything personally. Hope that helps a little.

BW

thank u for ur message, means alot, im such a mess, i dont no what to do anymore.

i barely sleep every night, then when i do i have nightmares bout him, and getting told hes no longer with us,  i just try to throw myself into different things every day, i started a diet on 1st feb (going slowly) all i wanna do is ide under duvet and eat lots of cake,

[Prycejosh1987]

I am sorry to hear that, you will only be free to live your life if you leave the negative things you have gone through in the past. Take that word and use it to focus onto your future. You cannot change the past but you can change the future.