Years of boredom

[mmd]

I have years without go out. I just woke up right now and... theres nothing much to do, just felt the voidness of stare blankly. No one to talk during the day, just see how the day goes away, knowing its going to be the same for the next one. 

[watalife]

Another year of boredom 2020. But I don't like much excitement anyway. Do you have to work or do you have friends? Why are you bored? ☹

[Epictetus]

Do you compose music?

[mmd]

@Epictetus No, i dont compose, I play what comes to my mind, just noodle, but I dont make compositions from start to end. I have things I always play, and i change or keep twisting, but just like comes to my mind. 

Do you have compositions Epictetus ? 

And anyway, Im talking about a deeper boredom, not the boredom of want to do little things, I enjoy watch a football match, etc, but dont have any other to talk to in real, really stress me, the other day i was just craving to go outside, talk a walk or go to other place, but do that alone is pointless, I used to do it in the pass but its really pointless, go to other place, smoke 6 cigarettes one next to the other, stare, and then what ? nothing, that is just too depressing to do, its so weird to do it, go to a place, do nothing, and then comeback, watching other people, knowing they have friends, they have someone to talk to, and theres me, just going to a place to another, just alone.

[Epictetus]

@mmd,

I can really identify with the kind of boredom you describe.  You describe it much better than I could.  Lately I have isolated myself in my house for fear of catching the flu which almost did me in a couple of years ago.  Sometimes the boredom seems almost unendurable.

I have never written any music.  I know how to play the piano and sometimes improvise very long compositions but I have never put these to paper.  Because of pain in my hands, I can no longer play the piano though.  I like the guitar.   I like the works of Joaquin Rodrigo. 

I hope both of us have a better 2020 than 2019!

[iWantRope]

On 12/31/2019 at 8:00 PM, mmd said:

I have years without go out. I just woke up right now and... theres nothing much to do, just felt the voidness of stare blankly. No one to talk during the day, just see how the day goes away, knowing its going to be the same for the next one. 

No one to talk to sounds like heavenly to me, after having to deal with ****ing **** work emails & nitpicky, perfectionist clients for more than a year.

Wonder if there's any job that doesn't require one to go out for years…

[mmd]

19 hours ago, Epictetus said:

@mmd,

I can really identify with the kind of boredom you describe.  You describe it much better than I could.  Lately I have isolated myself in my house for fear of catching the flu which almost did me in a couple of years ago.  Sometimes the boredom seems almost unendurable.

I have never written any music.  I know how to play the piano and sometimes improvise very long compositions but I have never put these to paper.  Because of pain in my hands, I can no longer play the piano though.  I like the guitar.   I like the works of Joaquin Rodrigo. 

I hope both of us have a better 2020 than 2019!

So bad you cant play the piano ! Yes, me too, i just improvise, I used to like the idea about make compositions, but now just cant think about make a piece and play it like that over and over. Dont know about J Rodrigo, gonna search it. Since a ver long time that I cant find much music to enjoy, dont know if this happens to you, but to me I want to listen certain kind of music that, certain sounds, certain notes, etc, that its hard to listen music of other people, i want lately i just enjoy music of a band that i play 3 records over and over, and just that, or i listen other music but just to check it, sometimes listen music tires me really quickly.

And going back to the topic, be alone just drives me insane, life dont have a point to me, this used to k*ll me years ago, now i get used, but anyway, a day without talk with someone its a day lost to me, be alone, i just dont enjoy things this way.

Have a good 2020 Epictetus.

Edited January 3, 2020 by mmd

[Epictetus]

Hi MMD,

     I also often have trouble finding music to enjoy.  I used to like very dissonant music but I can't bear to hear it now because of my depression.  There is a lot of dissonant music in movie soundtracks and sometimes I can't watch these movies because the movies get me so down.  Don't know if that happens to you.

When I was younger, if I found a song or tune I liked, I would play it over and over and over again.  I'd think about it while going to sleep and it would be playing in my mind when I woke up.  Anything like that ever happen to you?

- epictetus

[mmd]

3 minutes ago, Epictetus said:

Hi MMD,

     I also often have trouble finding music to enjoy.  I used to like very dissonant music but I can't bear to hear it now because of my depression.  There is a lot of dissonant music in movie soundtracks and sometimes I can't watch these movies because the movies get me so down.  Don't know if that happens to you.

When I was younger, if I found a song or tune I liked, I would play it over and over and over again.  I'd think about it while going to sleep and it would be playing in my mind when I woke up.  Anything like that ever happen to you?

- epictetus

No, i dont have that problem with disonant music, and im not a fan of disonant music at all, i like the idea to put disonant chords, but... i dont like those tunes that just use disonant chord, its like "ok, i just got the idea, its disonant, now give me something different", its too repetitive for me, every tune sounds like the same, and i hate when they make the intros sooooo long, they want to create tension and intrigue, and to me is just "introductory noise". In classical or academic music lately i dont listen much, i got bored about it, but the last good thing i found is "Bach - Chaconne, Partita No. 2 BWV 1004", played by Hilary Hahn and Tomaso Antonio Vitali - Chanonne. Years ago i went to listen "Pictures of an exhibition" of Mussorgsky, was great, and music of Shostakovich too, was also great. 

 

 

[Epictetus]

I'm quite fond of Bach myself and enjoy Mussorgsky and Shostakovich.  Prokofiev is one of my favorite composers.  When he was visiting the USA, he actually passed through my home town and bought a blanket.  When I was in Russia, I was lucky enough to visit the home where he composed much of his music.  Maybe because I was trained as a pianist,  I really enjoy Prokofiev's Piano Concertos.  Do you enjoy piano music?

[mmd]

8 hours ago, Epictetus said:

I'm quite fond of Bach myself and enjoy Mussorgsky and Shostakovich.  Prokofiev is one of my favorite composers.  When he was visiting the USA, he actually passed through my home town and bought a blanket.  When I was in Russia, I was lucky enough to visit the home where he composed much of his music.  Maybe because I was trained as a pianist,  I really enjoy Prokofiev's Piano Concertos.  Do you enjoy piano music?

So so, depends, long time i dont listen classical so cant remember if i enjoy it or not ! I used to like so pieces but i cant remember the composers. I enjoyed the Satie things, but i should re listen them, always im saying im gonna do it but its so time consuming get again into classical music, its so much to look at.

[Epictetus]

Yeah the sheer quantity of it can be really overwhelming. 

[cheshire_chick]

Hi again MMD.

I can empathize with the feeling of boredom. I believe the word I found was 'anhedonia' - being unable to find pleasure. The things that I used to look forward to, thoughts about the future that would excite me, hobbies that I would plan ahead for - they all seem pointless now. Like if I do something constructive, it is me forcing myself to do it. I don't feel anything from it.

I've not been sleeping well, at night if I don't feel tired (which is most nights) I just stay up til' I know I can pass out listening to Youtube or podcasts. Usually 5am or later it seems. It's because I think about how the next day will be the same. More pointlessness. More loneliness. So then I don't want to sleep. But when I do sleep, then I don't feel like waking up.

Hopefully things change sooner than later for you. Wish I were more help!

[Prycejosh1987]

Everyday is not the same, for example one day you could meet a friend or family member, and the next you could be working and the next you could eat one food, etc. Everyday is the same if you see it that way, but it doesnt mean it is true. What you should do if you feel that way is change the routine.