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My best friend’s depression and my anxiety

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I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety in June 2019 which is pretty severe. I’ve been seeing a therapist and taking sertraline (now I’m thinking it’s helping as much as I thought) so I may change it.

Anyway my best friend is suffering from depression. In the past she had no problem replying to me when I messaged her but now that we are older and we both work therefore we have been talking less. It’s to the point where I don’t even get a response from her for 3 days or more. Or I have to message her again to remind her of something then I usually get a response. Or I’ll see she online tweeting but she doesn’t respond to me which upsets me. Because of my anxiety I always think I’m bothering her or she’s annoyed by me. I get upset because I don’t hear from her. Even when I check on her I sometimes don’t hear from her then I get really anxious.

She has told me multiple times I’m not bothering her and she has told me there are times where she doesn’t have the energy to type a response or hold a conversation. I understand that but sometimes I really wish she would just tell me she doesn’t feel like talking. I know her job is very stressful for her(child social worker) and I feel as if she is unhappy with her job. I know it’ll take time but sometimes I wonder if her therapy sessions are even helping her.

I’ve discussed this with my therapist as well and my friend and we still travel out of town together for concerts but I feel like that is only time ever see each other. We only live 15 minutes away from one another. I really do not know how to deal not speaking with her. I’ve told my friend I always miss her and one time when I told her I felt lonely and I really miss her, she posted on social media (on a different account she didn’t know I knew about at the time) that she didn’t know what people wanted from her and that she was tried of being guilt tripped into doing things she did not feel like doing because of being mentally exhausted from her job. 

I only wanted to share with how I felt with the understanding I knew she would not be up to hanging out when she is tired. My intentions were not to guilt trip her at all. I didn’t mean to burden her. I regretted even saying anything but I thought it was best to share instead of keeping it to myself. 

I really love and care about my friend but it just hurts to know where our friendship stands sometimes. She always thinks she’s a bad friend for not socializing with me but I don’t think that. I wish she could do a little better at talking to me but sometimes I feel as if she shuts me out. I don’t know how to deal with this.

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I think I can understand a little how frustrating that situation must be as I have been in somewhat similar situations during my life.  I wish I had some good advice for you but sadly I do not.

I think it would be good for your anxiety if your friendship was more predictable to you. 

Depression, though, often makes it almost impossible to deal with expectations.  During my worst depression I felt literally crushed by the even innocent expectations of my parents, family, friends and co-workers.  Knowing someone had expectations regarding me was like the most painful thing I could imagine.

I also suffer anxiety so I know it is horribly painful to be trapped in unpredictable situations.  Those just make my anxiety go right through the roof.  

It must be so difficult for you to navigate such turbulent situations that you face regarding your friend.  Wish I could be helpful.

Hope things improve for you ! ! !    - epictetus

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