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Lundi_Hvalursson

Improving self-esteem and self-confidence in the face of insults and beration

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Regarding my threads about being 30 and virgin/single despite not wanting to, I was thinking about techniques to maintian and even improve my self-esteem and self-confidence when people are constantly criticising, insulting and berating me for being single/virgin so old at age 30.

 

Ever since around age 12/13 I was made fun of for never having a girlfriend, and since then the virginity issue has spurned others to make fun of me on a regular basis up to now in the present. I have been called all sorts of names like "reject", "loser", "virgin loser", "scummy virgin", etc., plus being told, "Women would rather have sex with a retard" or "Women would rather pick a midget than be with you". This hurt quite a lot, especially if it were a woman who told me this.

 

So I was wondering how to improve my self-esteem and self-confidence, even when people have and continue to make fun of me for being single/virgin. If I had to do a count, I would probably say that I have been insulted or made fun for being single/virgin well over 1000 times. Probably over 2000 times, I would not be surprised. And not only do dates or prospective women berate me, but also supposed friends/acquaintances, plus relatives from extended family on both sides of the family.

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It sounds like you need new REAL friends and acquaintances. It’s hard to imagine someone could be so cruel. I would also suggest that you don’t need to offer this information to anybody. Your sexual life should be no one else’s concern. Don’t feel pressured to present this information so freely. If you don’t supply it they do not have ammunition.

With that being said, perhaps you should start highlighting your achievements. If you invest more time into what you are confident in, it should make you feel better and more confident. More time spent doing things you are confident in = more time feeling confident. Maybe make it your new hobby or focus. Maybe make new friends with that similar interest.

Just some ideas. But I really think it’s important to rid yourself of toxic people that put you down or avoid them as much as humanly possible.

Also, sorry people are assholes.

Edited by Tid322

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I think that because sex is so valued here, it is talked about openly all over the place, in every age group. I had to stop talking to a lot of people lately, but now I have no friends and no acquaintances any more. The new people whom I meet seem to do the same thing.

Right now I have to go to dinner with extended family that will no doubt berate me for being single/virgin at so old yet again. But at least I can tell them I am not attending next time.

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Have you tried volunteering? I don't suggest high-stress places like homeless shelters or suicide hotlines, but stuff like dog-walking or playing bingo with seniors. I basically had no confidence for years until I started volunteering and receiving encouragement and kindness on a regular basis. And don't get discouraged if you don't feel that warm feeling everyone keeps talking about. I didn't in my first few volunteer positions and it made me feel like a narcissistic sociopath. Turns out I'm not good with kids lol. But I am great with seniors. I bet some seniors would love to play chess with you (and a lot of them are actually amazing to be around because they're just happy to talk to someone).

People that aren't having sex with you nor is there potential for that shouldn't care whether you're a virgin or not. It's creepy. Why do so many people know you're a virgin? Do your coworkers know? I've told you before but I'm a virgin and I'm older than you. I can count on one hand how many people I've discussed my virginity with.

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Maybe not volunteering, but I am considering joining soon the campaign of a certain working-class presidential candidate. Perhaps I would be more accepted there, given that I am not making six figures or higher like people whom I meet at meetups.

I get comments from others saying that I am like a cruchety old man. So I probably would get along with seniors. My demeanour is more akin to that of a 70 year old man than a 30 year old.

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