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Lundi_Hvalursson

Many women disqualify me in dating solely for being virgin

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I have been in this internal struggle to regain my self-esteem despite having turned 30 and remaining a virgin despite not wanting to. I have gained a lot of self-confidence back, but the problem seems to be that a lot seem to think that the virginity issue nullifies any of that. 

Even when I stopped answering questions about virginity, a lot of women have made comments about how I "act like a virgin". I am not sure exactly what they mean, except a vague guess being my awkwardness. But I am shy and awkward since childhood, and most likely would still be as shy and awkward even not being a virgin.

But there is a pervading mindset here that virginity as an adult is an unforgivable sin that can never be remedied. In other words, that I could be for example a world-reknowned scientist who found the cure for AIDS and cancer and I would be rejected still, solely due to the virginity. That is to say, that no amount of self-love or self-confidence would compensate for being a virgin at 30.

It does not help that I have Asperger's, OCD, various types of anxiety and now I have become quite paranoid in general.

It is like I am disqualified from participating in the "game" of dating because non-virgins are not even allowed to enter the game in the first place.

Is this just something unique here, or in general terms do most women from other cities and other countries not treat male virgins as harshly as over here?

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There are countries/cities where some women won't care if you're virgin or not... but only care what income you're drawing. You can act shy/awkward/like a virgin at whatever age, doesn't matter a bit to them if you can financially provide

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2 hours ago, iWantRope said:

There are countries/cities where some women won't care if you're virgin or not... but only care what income you're drawing. You can act shy/awkward/like a virgin at whatever age, doesn't matter a bit to them if you can financially provide

I am not sure if I understand. Do you mean that money supercedes most other things?

Over here $120000 is the poverty line. So anyone making less than that is by definition poor. A guy has to make $500000 or so minimum to be considered a good catch. $1 million even better. I am in the <$50000 range.

 

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19 minutes ago, APFSDS said:

I wish I had your perseverance. Have you tried dating services that match people with various types of ASD?

I have tried a few sites, but they seem inactive. Not many users. And very few female users, most are male.

I have been searching for more sites for quirky people especially in Europe, since I cannot relate here where I live. Up to now have not found any.

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37 minutes ago, Lundi_Hvalursson said:

I am not sure if I understand. Do you mean that money supercedes most other things?

Over here $120000 is the poverty line. So anyone making less than that is by definition poor. A guy has to make $500000 or so minimum to be considered a good catch. $1 million even better. I am in the <$50000 range.

 

What he is saying is be careful......you might meet a nice lady who won't care about your virginity, and will like you for yourself.......and you might meet a lady who once she hears your income ...virginity will not be a problem because she most likely will be after your $.

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37 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

What he is saying is be careful......you might meet a nice lady who won't care about your virginity, and will like you for yourself.......and you might meet a lady who once she hears your income ...virginity will not be a problem because she most likely will be after your $.

I am in the <$50000 group, so I highly doubt that any woman wants me for money. A lot of guys here make $200000+ and even millions, surely they would choose those men instead.

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26 minutes ago, Lundi_Hvalursson said:

I am in the <$50000 group, so I highly doubt that any woman wants me for money. A lot of guys here make $200000+ and even millions, surely they would choose those men instead.

yes but for some women that is considered a lot ..

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Luck has something to do with it too.  I've been in all kinds of situations where things seemed impossible and hopeless to my mind and then things just turned around, often in a flash. 

Not that luck is everything.  Sometimes it is a very tiny piece of the puzzle. But sometimes it is like the keystone in an arch. 

I did not have a good relationship until I was 44 years old.  I'm nor omniscient or anything but  I suspet it is too early to say that this is the last chapter of your relationship book. 

 

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3 hours ago, Epictetus said:

Luck has something to do with it too.  I've been in all kinds of situations where things seemed impossible and hopeless to my mind and then things just turned around, often in a flash. 

Not that luck is everything.  Sometimes it is a very tiny piece of the puzzle. But sometimes it is like the keystone in an arch. 

I did not have a good relationship until I was 44 years old.  I'm nor omniscient or anything but  I suspet it is too early to say that this is the last chapter of your relationship book. 

 

I am not sure if luck even exists, as a concept. I do not believe in religion, superstitions, or any other unnatural events. But often it feels as if I am somewhere in a place that luck is hard to happen. Unless you mean that just one day suddenly out of the blue, despite being in a place where virgin males seem to be disqualified from the dating scene, that there would be a woman whom I meet totally randomly who does not follow societal norms in believing that virgin males are undateable?

Or that when I move to a different country that my luck will turn around since I am in a less brutal environment?

Edited by Lundi_Hvalursson

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Hi. I don't know about generalizations in different cities/countries & I don't know where you live. I can only give my opinion as an American middle aged woman. Any quality woman (in my opinion & experience only) isn't going to count you being a virgin against you at all. I find it endearing personally.

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Thanks for your response. I fell really deep into an abyss of depression these past two weeks concerning this issue, so it is a bit comforting to hear that.

Perhaps my area has been the problem all along. On the few dates that I have been on, 100% of the women have brought this up or asked me either directly or indirectly about my relationship/sex life. I am not good at body language, but from whatever I can read, I take it that none of them were pleased when they found out about my status.

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