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Supporter to a partner with PTSD

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So I dunno if this is the right place for this, but I need a space to gather my thoughts about this.

I have PTSD. My depression is PTSD-related.

A couple of years ago, I met someone in a PTSD support group.

We became good friends and then became more than friends.

We've been together for 6 months now.

I already knew that his trauma was particularly bad.

All trauma is bad, but there is trauma that is undescribably bad.

He's a survivor of torture.

As we've been together, he's told me more about the details that I didn't know before.

I was aware that surviving torture is more intense, more awful than surviving normal trauma.

(It feels nuts to call it "normal trauma" - as if there is such a thing.)

(But having learned more about torture these past months, I don't know how else to word it.)

(Torture goes way beyond many other types of trauma.)

So yeah... I'm a supporter to someone who survived torture now.

And I'm still learning to adjust to this new role.

I need to research therapy for torture survivors.

I need to work out where I can get support and advice, as a supporter.

I need to work out how I can be strong, patient, calm, loving in the face of the effects of the torture.

I need to be strong for him.

I also need to do self-care.

I need to try and find local or online support places, and need to reach out to them.

I'm kind of posting this as an accountability thing.

To remind myself to take this seriously.... the self-care aspect... the needing support as a supporter.

I don't want to eventually burn out because I'm overwhelmed.

And I don't want things to catch me unaware, so that I don't react in the wrong way.






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Hi Sophy,

     I am always helped by reading your posts and feel so thankful to you. 

     I think it is so beautiful that you are helping someone who has been the victim of torture, especially since you bear the scars of trauma in your own life. 

      Wish I knew what to say to help, but my mind is empty of good ideas.

     I hope that we here on the Forums can be there for you during this difficult time as you struggle to help someone while enduring your own struggles.  I think you are a great person!

- epictetus

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Thank you @Epictetus and @20YearsandCounting  🙂

I've spent the evening reading up on trauma therapy for survivors of torture and feel like I've got a better handle on it, for where we are currently at.

I already had some basic knowledge about it, but I guess I'm going to have to deepen that, step by step on this journey.

And I guess there will always be moments where events progress faster than my knowledge and where I will feel momentarily out of my depth, until I can close my knowledge gap.

I need to make sure I keep a good balance between his healing and recovery journey and mine.

So far, it's worked really well.

I don't feel like it's a one way street... it doesn't feel like I'm "helping" him and he's needing my help.

It really feels like we support each other.

I just need to make sure we keep that kind of balance, on the days where I feel overwhelmed.

And that entails finding resources for myself as a supporter.

So yeah, accountability thing... to make sure I stay on top of this.

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