Jump to content

If life doesn't k ill you, emptiness will.


samadhiSheol

Recommended Posts

That's been my motto for the past few years now.

For some, it's not so much the pain, but the lack thereall of any emotion. More to the point, even if you do feel something, it means absolutely nothing. The lack of meaning is what k ills some of us. Not pain. Everything is a f ucking void.

I'm pretty much there now. I care less and less about less and less. 

I think about ending it every day. One day soon, I just won't give a f uck about anyone left behind. Not that I really have in any case. I am dead within.

Why does it matter anyhow?

I am already dead.

All I need to do now is pull the proverbial trigger.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Random: I was literally just thinking of you and about to send you a PM to see how you were doing. I hadn’t seen you post in a while. Though I’m sure it’s no consolation, and out of selfishness, I’m glad to see you posting here, because I know you’re still here.

 I’m sorry, there is nothing to be said or done from myself. I can commiserate. I don’t know if you have better days than others, but I hope you do. And I hope you can hang onto those days, no matter how meager they may be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Tid322 said:

Random: I was literally just thinking of you and about to send you a PM to see how you were doing. I hadn’t seen you post in a while. Though I’m sure it’s no consolation, and out of selfishness, I’m glad to see you posting here, because I know you’re still here.

 I’m sorry, there is nothing to be said or done from myself. I can commiserate. I don’t know if you have better days than others, but I hope you do. And I hope you can hang onto those days, no matter how meager they may be.

That's precisely the point though.

Nothing changes at the end of the day. Good days, bad days..they all amount to sweet f .a. in my books. Nothing signifies.

I am nothing. My life is nothing. I only have  other people's word for it if someone says I have said or done something to make them feel better. I don't see it. I don't feel it. In fact, people are a complete mystery to me. 

I am fed up with life and it's pointlessness. Fed up with myself and my failures. Fed up with humanity and it's inanities.

F uck everything.

Who has the f ucking right to say hang on, it will pass? Who has the right to say:" it's not you talking it's depression". 

Patronising b.s. Like everything else.(didnt mean you btw, @Tid322 )

**** humanity, **** myself. Fuxk everyone.

We are so full of the depression jargon and its not helping is it. Here we sre some of us for years now not getting better. And believe me it has f uck all to do with brain chemistry or fuzzy thinking. 

Edited by samadhiSheol
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

We are so full of the depression jargon and its not helping is it. Here we sre some of us for years now not getting better. And believe me it has f uck all to do with brain chemistry or fuzzy thinking. 

You’re right. It isn’t helping. And I loathe the “hang on” jargon immensely. But I figure the ones saying it are coming from a good place, regardless of the useless banter. 

Regardless of how meaningless this all feels, I try my hardest to see it from someone else’s perspective. No matter the outcome of my perception and pointlessness. 

I question infinitely the purpose of all the bs. I feel like if there is a god there should be some sort of revelation for the absence of purpose. But life keeps on trucking through the abyss. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I am indifferent, angry and hopeless.

I am also tired of compromise. I am constantly choosing between meh and worse. And no so-called cure can offer anything better. It's always s question of coping. And I fu cking hate the term TO COPE. Acceptance.  Well that is all I have ever done and now I have had enough of this crap we call life. Cos I realize now this isn't living. If this is what you call living you can keep it. I have had ENOUGH.

Some people are just not really equipped for living. Some of us are born..limpid for want of a better expression. Luke-warm. No passion. No dreams. No interests no talent. Just husks. Just going through the motions of life because there is nothing else.

Add all that with the viewpoint that humanity is a f ucking menace to everything it interacts with...

The faster I am dead the better. Same applies to humanity. Screw it and it's shortcomings. All we do is destroy and harm.

I have f ucking had enough.

Edited by samadhiSheol
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Life is a sentence for...I don't know. But it must have been something horrendously bad for me/us to end up like this. 

Maybe it would be different if I had some redeeming qualities. But I don't. I suck in every conceivable way--a fact the universe reminds me of with every passing second.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

Life is a sentence for...I don't know. But it must have been something horrendously bad for me/us to end up like this. 

Maybe it would be different if I had some redeeming qualities. But I don't. I suck in every conceivable way--a fact the universe reminds me of with every passing second.

Good way to put it. Life is a life sentence, and death is freedom, ironically enough. Or so it can seem.

This sentiment is on the mark for me as well. I wish there were some purpose to all this. There's a bit of hope in that maybe this will become clear at some point, but it grows fainter by the day.

Edited by anon22ae
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't really need to find a point or purpose to all of this.  I don't understand why others seem to make sense of this and seem to enjoy it.  Every room I've ever been in other people are happy and enjoying things and I'm the baby from Family Guy with an angry look on my face the whole time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 6 months later...

THe thing is a lot of people who are looking for a purpose believe you can only find meaning in one ambitious goal, especially in the area of a career, but that path is not meant for everybody. Some people find joy in the everyday simplicities of life. Some people just work to gain money, but have fun with hobbies at home. Some people just want to invest more in relationships than get a big career. Even some people who are more career oriented, don’t really enjoy sticking to one big dream in the long term, but accomplishing a lot of different tasks that adds up in the long term. Some find meaning in volunteering or helping people in their local area. Some find it through religion or some kind of secular kind of spirituality. It is different for everyone. Mainstream self help books seem to push the idea that there is only one path to being happy.

For a start, I’ll give you a site that isn’t stereotypically self help kind of advice. It’s a mental health non-profit called “The School of Life.” On the site, there is a Book of Life that helps answers life’s questions in a refreshing nuanced way. Not forcing you to read through it, just wanted to offer you the suggestion. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...