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Deverdadnose

My 25 year old daughter abuses me

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I dont know if this is the right place to write about this. I just need to talk to someone and idk who. Im embarrassed to tell anyone about this and im confused. I don't even know if the tittle is accurate for my situation.

I have a couple children. All Adults and some live with me and others dont. One of my children that lives with me is my daughter who is about 25 years old. I love her to death. I love her as a mother and I love her because she has been through a lot with me. Her father who is now my ex husband was abusive. He was verbally abusive to me when we were together and was possessive and controlling towards me and our children. There was constant arguing in the household and a lot of trauma went on up until I had enough and we divorced when kids were in their early teens. The youngest was about 10 or 11 and my daughter was about 12 .

Well now my daughter is an adult and I've witnessed over the years that all my children have had a really bad episode of depression. The type that can also interferw with their health and i noticed they all had anger issues.

In particular though I noticed ny daughter aggression getting worse over the years. She has become verbally abusive towards me. At first when It started I thought it was a teen face but at 25 her aggression continues. She never physically hits me but she does get in my face and many times she pushes me. One time she even almost put her hands around my kneck but she didnt choke me. She has also made fist gestures at me like she wants to punch me but never does. She tells me I ruined her life and that im a horrible person and that she will never forgive me for all the trauma she has gone through as a child.

Sometimes I wonder if her dad did things to her im not aware of. I don't know. What concerns me how explosive her anger is. She gets mad for the most bizzare things. Today she got mad because I shared an Ice cream she gave me with someone else. 

Later after she has her horrible explossive episodes she usually apologizes to me and says "you know I love you right?" And she says she doesn't mean what she says or does but doesnt know how to control her anger. 

At this point I dont know what to do. As her mother sometimes I feel like exploding back but most of all I feep bad because I dont know how to help her. I dont know what's wrong or what all this is.

My daughter has all these aggressive outburst but also I will say she has helped me out a lot. When she had a job she would help pay bills and give me money. She also helps with certain issues around the house she usually is the one to help me with a lot of stuff that a husband or partner does. I dont know if its the pressure she feels she has or what

 But at 25 her outburst seem like that of a 14 year old with severe anger issues

Any thoughts ? Please i want to hear what people think 

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Wow. I will need to think about this some more. I have a 25-year-old daughter who still lives with her mother. I fear she is experiencing much the same depression I do.

Anyway...I hope to come up with some insight. Do you think she would be willing to see a therapist with you?

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3 hours ago, Rattler6 said:

I would file a police report and try to put some distance between you and her. 

Im not going to give my daughter a criminal record. I can see why you would suggest putting distence but filing a police report is too much 

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6 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Wow. I will need to think about this some more. I have a 25-year-old daughter who still lives with her mother. I fear she is experiencing much the same depression I do.

Anyway...I hope to come up with some insight. Do you think she would be willing to see a therapist with you?

That is a parents worse fear to have their child suffer the way we did and worse 😖 and witnessing that is uberable sometimes. Especially when you feel like its out of your hands to help. I wish your daughter good things too 

My daughter has actually been off and on with therapy since she wad a child. When my children were young and I was still with my husband we actually went as a group because we were told we needed it but my ex husband walked out as he felt attacked by the session. After that my daughter was receiving a bit of counceling in school then that stopped then she tried again but she stopped going. She says she wants to go but its hard to find the right therapist. 

What concerns me about my daughter is where this behavior comes from. And one day I wont be around forver and i dont want her to be alone. But with her behavior i don't see how someone other then me would be able to put up with it.

She had an entire anger fit over me sharing an ice cream she gave me and she pushed out of anger and told me like always that I will never have her forgiveness. We are going through a rough time right now. Finacially its difficult and were going through some legal issues and she is the one helping me with the lawyer and seems to be the most concern of our financial situation. She seems Anxious and depressed. So her anger could stem from other things. But i still wish she would channel differently . she seems self aware but doesn't change 

 

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3 minutes ago, Deverdadnose said:

She seems Anxious and depressed. So her anger could stem from other things. But i still wish she would channel differently . she seems self aware but doesn't change 

 

Wow. Sorry things are so rough for you guys. We are in a similar position. My daughter has been having fits of anger lately. It has gotten worse. She apologizes the next day but I'd be a rich man if I had a dollar for every time she has told me I suck.

In my daughter's case, I think she's having some issues with self confidence. She's visually impaired and cannot drive herself to school or work. She relies on me for most of her transportation. She is also having a very difficult time in school. The one bright spot in her life is that she is appreciated by her fellow employees, as well as their customers. I wish she could just become a full time manager but her mom is pushing her HARD to go through grad school. I think my daughter is overwhelmed by that.

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On 12/4/2019 at 4:08 PM, JD4010 said:

Wow. Sorry things are so rough for you guys. We are in a similar position. My daughter has been having fits of anger lately. It has gotten worse. She apologizes the next day but I'd be a rich man if I had a dollar for every time she has told me I suck.

In my daughter's case, I think she's having some issues with self confidence. She's visually impaired and cannot drive herself to school or work. She relies on me for most of her transportation. She is also having a very difficult time in school. The one bright spot in her life is that she is appreciated by her fellow employees, as well as their customers. I wish she could just become a full time manager but her mom is pushing her HARD to go through grad school. I think my daughter is overwhelmed by that.

If she is being pushed to do something...  She should not.  Grad school is a lot of time and money. 

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Sounds like she has a lot going on. She could not only benefit from finding a good therapist; it might be necessary for her to see one again so she can learn to moderate her emotions and stay out of jail.  Because it sounds like that's the direction she's headed.  She's going to piss off the wrong person some day and either get arrested or hurt.

That said, I'm wondering what sort of limits you put on her behavior.  Daughter or not, she has no right to treat you that way. If you don't let her know that, she will never stop.

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On 12/5/2019 at 8:46 PM, rhyl said:

Sounds like she has a lot going on. She could not only benefit from finding a good therapist; it might be necessary for her to see one again so she can learn to moderate her emotions and stay out of jail.  Because it sounds like that's the direction she's headed.  She's going to piss off the wrong person some day and either get arrested or hurt.

That said, I'm wondering what sort of limits you put on her behavior.  Daughter or not, she has no right to treat you that way. If you don't let her know that, she will never stop.

Yes.  There are a lot of people out there who will not respond well to being hit and have years of training. 

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