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Finding acceptance in not being accepted


Tid322

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Just like the title reads. I guess I am seeking advice on acceptance of not being accepted. It’s a struggle for me currently. I have gotten myself in a living situation where not only am I not accepted but I am shunned and treated as a burden. And the worst is my children are being treated that way too. I feel like I can accept my own dismissal but theirs is what kills me.

It is only one of the smaller things in my life bothering me but I for some reason can’t let it go. I feel like if I can accept our non-acceptance into society that maybe some pains and my self-loathing may diminish. Maybe this is just a pathetic attempt to defer my attention elsewhere. My hopes with acceptance will be less caring and less let downs in life. Some days I have no cares because I have no desires. Other days our solitude hurts and I want to learn to control the pain of those days. Any advice would be appreciated.

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Society has never accepted me.  I'm the strange one in every room.  Their opinion of us doesn't matter.  It takes nerve for people to judge anyone because people overall aren't very good.  They're selfish and destructive so it takes nerve for them to even open their mouths about anyone.

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1 hour ago, Tid322 said:

Just like the title reads. I guess I am seeking advice on acceptance of not being accepted. It’s a struggle for me currently. I have gotten myself in a living situation where not only am I not accepted but I am shunned and treated as a burden. And the worst is my children are being treated that way too. I feel like I can accept my own dismissal but theirs is what kills me.

It is only one of the smaller things in my life bothering me but I for some reason can’t let it go. I feel like if I can accept our non-acceptance into society that maybe some pains and my self-loathing may diminish. Maybe this is just a pathetic attempt to defer my attention elsewhere. My hopes with acceptance will be less caring and less let downs in life. Some days I have no cares because I have no desires. Other days our solitude hurts and I want to learn to control the pain of those days. Any advice would be appreciated.

Well, I understand your frustrations and I just want to add that I don’t allow their issues to prevent me from striving to be my best self.  What I have learned is to just do your own thing and don’t worry about their foolishness 

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

Society has never accepted me.  I'm the strange one in every room.  Their opinion of us doesn't matter.  It takes nerve for people to judge anyone because people overall aren't very good.  They're selfish and destructive so it takes nerve for them to even open their mouths about anyone.

I’m sorry you don’t feel accepted. I feel like we would make great friends IRL. I can relate to you on a lot of levels so many times. I find myself shaking my head in agreement reading your posts often. I don’t think you’re strange, I think you’re real and a beautiful soul.

 

I agree that it isn’t their right but I know I can’t control others. I’m embarrassed that I let their opinions affect me. Somedays I let that roll off my back then other days something just strikes me.  I feel weak admitting such ludicrousness.

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18 minutes ago, Tid322 said:

I’m sorry you don’t feel accepted. I feel like we would make great friends IRL. I can relate to you on a lot of levels so many times. I find myself shaking my head in agreement reading your posts often. I don’t think you’re strange, I think you’re real and a beautiful soul.

 

I agree that it isn’t their right but I know I can’t control others. I’m embarrassed that I let their opinions affect me. Somedays I let that roll off my back then other days something just strikes me.  I feel weak admitting such ludicrousness.

I feel you it happens to the best of us

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19 minutes ago, Tid322 said:

I’m sorry you don’t feel accepted. I feel like we would make great friends IRL. I can relate to you on a lot of levels so many times. I find myself shaking my head in agreement reading your posts often. I don’t think you’re strange, I think you’re real and a beautiful soul.

 

I agree that it isn’t their right but I know I can’t control others. I’m embarrassed that I let their opinions affect me. Somedays I let that roll off my back then other days something just strikes me.  I feel weak admitting such ludicrousness.

I feel the same way about you and I also feel the same way you feel in the last part.  After a lifetime of abuse some days I feel very strong like I could stand up to them all but it gets old having to be strong.  Even the strongest people out there can only take so much.  People are made with something in them where they need to be accepted by at least some people.  People aren't made to be the strong loner.  I'm not sure the true strong loner even exists.

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8 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I feel the same way about you and I also feel the same way you feel in the last part.  After a lifetime of abuse some days I feel very strong like I could stand up to them all but it gets old having to be strong.  Even the strongest people out there can only take so much.  People are made with something in them where they need to be accepted by at least some people.  People aren't made to be the strong loner.  I'm not sure the true strong loner even exists.

It is hard to put on the mask and be strong everyday when I just want to crumple. I imagine the strong loner lives on a deserted island where no outside influences can falter their sense of self. If one really does exist.

Thank you both for the support and understanding and not making me feel like shit for my shortcomings.

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  • 6 months later...

A person is accepted when they are not paranoid about not being accepted and that they respect themselves. Love yourself and respect yourself and love and respect will follow you by MOST people. There are people that will hate you, but do not threat just keep being you and press on to great things.

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To let go of what others think, you have to learn to love yourself. I am still working on that myself, but self compassion meditation videos on Youtube seem to help. Look for Dr.Kristin Neff’s site, and she has a lot of self compassion techniques to share from her psychology research. On the way, I found more progress around this insecurity is found less by changing the way you see others, but from learning to get approval from yourself. There’s only so much CBT for social anxiety on challenging negative thoughts can get you. CBT is meant to allow you to see reality, and sure maybe it’s not as bad as you thought it was, but sometimes the reality is genuinely bad. And you’re not really imagining it. When I spent so much time working through my worries looking for what I did wrong, I realized that sometimes there just isn’t any good reason why people don’t accept you. Human beings are irrational creatures. They do things for no sense at all, and there is less of a deeper reason to people’s cruelties than you think. Life is unfair. It doesn’t mean you’re a good person if you win status in society, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person if you don’t. Not everyone has a tragic situation to justify their situation the way hollywood portrays. Truth is people can be cruel even with a lot of help and support. Control what you can, and let go of control of what you can’t. So control your perception of yourself instead. 

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