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Holiday Season is Here...not feeling it.


Maxx55

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So it is thanksgiving and as I started this post, Santa made his appearance on TV at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade and the dog show is about to start. 
 

I’m sorry if this is going to trigger anyone but I have to vent so please bear with me. 
 

For the last year and a half, the woman I would consider my girlfriend broke up with me.  I have supported her and her two kids (not my kids though) through giving them money and buying food.

Earlier this year my girlfriend had two surgeries. One was nerve ablation in her left knee and a few weeks later, a hysterectomy.  I took time off from work to be with her and to help her with the kids since she was going to be on some pretty good pain meds. 
 

Well we seemed to distance from each other and she started being hostile and isolating. Conversations were short and sharp.  Until well, you get the idea. 
 

I always thought that when growing up my life would be so much different.  I thought I would be working my dream job as a law enforcement officer. I thought I would have a house with a big yard, a dog, a wife, two-three kids, being able take one of those picturesque “family photos” for a Christmas card saying “Happy Holidays to all of you from The Hansen’s -Steve, Sarah, Amanda, Hannah, and Greg” (not real names...just examples).
 

Instead it is much different. No law enforcement officer job,  no wife (I’m divorced) and I don’t even have a girlfriend...no house (I live in a mediocre apartment)..no dog (I lost my two cats recently, one in November of 2018 and one on April 2019) .. and I have no kids. 
 

I also lost my mom in August of 2017 and holidays are always tough. My dad and I were invited to my cousins house for Thanksgiving, but he turned them down, so thanksgiving is just my dad and I. Quite the change from when I was growing up. Thanksgiving when I was a child was so much different.  First it was our old house with a lot of room. My grandparents, my mom, dad, me. Three sets of aunties and uncles, topped off by 10 kids and my old dog, Buffy (she was a Cocker Spaniel) It was a full house.  I miss those days and I think my dad does too. 
 

I guess what I’m saying is I’m sad. 

I’m sad because my dream job hasn’t happened. I’m sad because I don’t have house that I want. I’m sad because I’m not married to a beautiful woman. I’m sad that I don’t have kids. I’m sad I don’t have a dog. I’m sad because I yearn for the days of holidays gone by. I’m sad for what could be but isn’t.

 

Thank you for your time.  

 

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Hi Maxx,

     I'm sorry so many things didn't work out for you.  It's brutal when so many things go sour.

     I wish I had some profound store of wisdom on which to draw for advice, but sadly I am kind of in the same boat as you are or perhaps a different boat on the same water. 

    Thanksgiving is so hard on so many people.  Sorry it is hard on you.

     My heart goes out to you!   - epictetus

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I’m sorry. Nostalgia has me depressed too. It seems relationships do not hold the same merit as they did back in the day. I wish there was something to say that would make things better for you but there just isn’t. Hopefully with time you will find some comfort or contentment. At least you and your father have one another. I hope you can find some happiness in that.

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On 11/28/2019 at 12:47 PM, Maxx55 said:

So it is thanksgiving and as I started this post, Santa made his appearance on TV at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade and the dog show is about to start. 
 

I’m sorry if this is going to trigger anyone but I have to vent so please bear with me. 
 

For the last year and a half, the woman I would consider my girlfriend broke up with me.  I have supported her and her two kids (not my kids though) through giving them money and buying food.

Earlier this year my girlfriend had two surgeries. One was nerve ablation in her left knee and a few weeks later, a hysterectomy.  I took time off from work to be with her and to help her with the kids since she was going to be on some pretty good pain meds. 
 

Well we seemed to distance from each other and she started being hostile and isolating. Conversations were short and sharp.  Until well, you get the idea. 
 

I always thought that when growing up my life would be so much different.  I thought I would be working my dream job as a law enforcement officer. I thought I would have a house with a big yard, a dog, a wife, two-three kids, being able take one of those picturesque “family photos” for a Christmas card saying “Happy Holidays to all of you from The Hansen’s -Steve, Sarah, Amanda, Hannah, and Greg” (not real names...just examples).
 

Instead it is much different. No law enforcement officer job,  no wife (I’m divorced) and I don’t even have a girlfriend...no house (I live in a mediocre apartment)..no dog (I lost my two cats recently, one in November of 2018 and one on April 2019) .. and I have no kids. 
 

I also lost my mom in August of 2017 and holidays are always tough. My dad and I were invited to my cousins house for Thanksgiving, but he turned them down, so thanksgiving is just my dad and I. Quite the change from when I was growing up. Thanksgiving when I was a child was so much different.  First it was our old house with a lot of room. My grandparents, my mom, dad, me. Three sets of aunties and uncles, topped off by 10 kids and my old dog, Buffy (she was a Cocker Spaniel) It was a full house.  I miss those days and I think my dad does too. 
 

I guess what I’m saying is I’m sad. 

I’m sad because my dream job hasn’t happened. I’m sad because I don’t have house that I want. I’m sad because I’m not married to a beautiful woman. I’m sad that I don’t have kids. I’m sad I don’t have a dog. I’m sad because I yearn for the days of holidays gone by. I’m sad for what could be but isn’t.

 

Thank you for your time.  

 

God almighty, man.  First of all, I know there’s absolutely nothing like romantic heartbreak.  It can make one wish for death.  I know.

The holidays of my childhood are long gone, sadly.  My life is just completely different now.

I had the wife, the house, the yards, the job, the 3 kids, the dog, you name it.  Long story short, my depression took a heavy toll over the years & we finally divorced.  This kids are with her this year for both holidays, so needless to say, I’m in the same boat, man.  It feels rotten.  Feels rotten right now, as a matter of fact.  I’ve really struggled today.

I feel your pain, man.  Keep coming back & keep us up to date as far as how things are going & how you’re feeling.  Believe it or not, I’m interested & I’m sure that many others on here do too.

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I know how it feelings to lose your dreams and hopes. I needed to grieve these things in order to get pass them. I did a lot of work with my therapist and a lot of journaling  and praying to get through it. I have more acceptance today yet these holidays are still hard. Hope things get better for you somehow. 
 

BW

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I've given up on my dreams.  The only place my dreams happen are when I'm asleep dreaming.  It's been a lifetime of not being able to do what comes natural to everyone else.  Holidays for me are like vacation.  Most people enjoy it and look forward to it.  I want to run screaming from it.

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@sober4life

Haven’t been able to hold onto many dreams today.  It’s been a really rough one.  Hope?  A splinter of it.  Dreams?  Not today.

I absolutely hate feeling like this, and not really being able to do anything about it in the moment.  Misery.

Edited by adamrparr
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Oh jeez, guy. I feel like a jerk for saying this, but all this pain is just something you're gonna have to be patient with and let it go away as you move on to other things in your life. I don't know how old you are. Maybe this means less coming from an almost 28 year old guy who thought he'd be living his dreams by now, but well, that's where I'm at.

Acceptance helped me out a lot. Not just from myself, but from a few friends and family. Accepting where I am in life and the responsibilities I have. Accepting that my dreams were more ambitious than I thought they were and that it's just going to take a lot more time and effort to reach them. Accepting that maybe dreams shouldn't be rigid goals, but constantly evolving aspirations. Take the girlfriend and family thing for example. I had a girlfriend once. It was awesome. Then, we broke up due in some part to my not doing nearly enough for the relationship. Now it's 2019 and the horror stories I hear about relationships turned into legal battles terrify me. Perhaps it was a dream better left on the back burner until I'm older? I also used to want kids of my own, but to spare you a long explanation, I eventually altered my dream to adoption instead. If I can't have my dream career by the time I'm 30, then I'll aim for 40, or 50. If I decide my dream career isn't worth it, I'll aim for a life of comfort with disposable income.

I guess the main idea isn't just to accept that things are bad. Clearly, you know you're sad and you know why. Accept that you have responsibilities, that people count on you, and that you have it inside you to make things better. Accept that it is possible your past self underestimated just how hard it was gonna be to get those dreams and that maybe you don't even want those dreams anymore, like my brother who leads a happier life not worrying about his failed dreams than he ever did in college stressing out over how awful the professors were. Accept that the past is in the past, and those memories are oh so sweet, but they can't sustain you.

I promise, even though times are so sad now, they can and will improve. The holidays will be over soon enough, for one thing (I know I'll be thankful for that too). I hope you feel better soon, and I hope my rambling was of a little bit of help. Acceptance may have worked for me, but I totally understand it may not work for you in the same way. It's kinda just my unspoken rule to try and say something practical-ish. Guess I should learn just to say you have my support sometimes. Haha. Have a very happy holiday.

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  • 1 month later...

So it's two weeks since the 1st of 2020 and my ex hasn't contacted me in over a month.....find it rather upsetting. I am so lonely....Christmas was less than spectacular....I didn't receive any presents....made me feel soooo wanted (sarcasm). 

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  • 5 months later...

Its okay to feel sad, but you should use it as a motivation for finding and obtaining these things. You have power to get these things, it really depends on the actions you take. So take the right actions and be determined to get a good life, it doesnt come to you, without you going for these things with effort. 

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