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FerryJerry

Family trip

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I went on a 7 hour (each way) trip to see my dad and his new girlfriend and we agreed a meeting place that was close to them and we were going to spend the day together and evening and my dads girlfriend got the hump when we couldn’t find a coffee shop or any shops for her to look around so she got angry, worked off and then they left 

so I spent £250 on hotel and travel and that’s how they treat me. If there isn’t something in it for my dads new partner then they just don’t wanna know.

this is the second and final time  I am letting this happen. Last night I was in my hotel and had to eat alone and I was fell asleep and woke up having panic attacks and then didn’t get much sleep.

when I put a photo of my dinner and desert I got a message on Facebook calling me a pig. I am really angry

so I got up at the crack of dawn, I ate a light breakfast, packed, went to the store and got food and drink for the long journey back and I jumped on the first train out of there

i got about another 5 hours ahead of me travel but I am just desperate to get home to my partner and our cats

I am not ever making an effort to come down again, for the money I could have gone on holiday with my partner, the only silver lining was the restaurant and peaceful hotel and getting to chat to my partner on facebook messenger video chat

do you think I am unreasonable being so upset about how I was treated?

my partner is livid at my dads partner and my dad.

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I think your intuition and response was right on...and it's not just the £250.  You drew an unmistakable boundary.  Although I haven't followed the relationship with your dad, there's no way I'd have tolerated the gf's behavior.

Your story immediately resonated, i.e., my "last straw" moment with my narcissist adopted mother.  Years ago, I drove a couple hours across the Everglades for dinner/overnight with her and her Casper Milquetoast (third) husband, following a painful breakup of my own.  No empathy or concern for my well-being.  Only relentless criticism about the bad choice I'd made (essentially a replay of having endured dinner table third-degrees when I was a teen, but helpless to escape it). 

I tried to go to bed in their guest room and decided, hell no.  It's only two hours to get home where it was quiet, safe and comfortable...and these people just spent over an hour tearing me down.  Tossed the bag in the car and left.  My parting shot was when she said, "I don't understand why you're leaving," to which I responded, "You're right.  You don't."  Last time I ever saw or spoke to her, putting an end to 30+ years of abuse.

imo, you and your partner are right to be furious.  The gf?  Again, imo, that's Dad's problem.

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Sorry that happened to you,  FerryJerry.

I do not think your reaction is unreasonable at all.  I would feel the same if I was in  your place. 

"Got the hump" is an unfamiliar expression to me, so I will have to Google it.

 Sorry you were insulted on Facebook too.

 Hope things get back to normal for you soon! 

  - epictetus

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I wasn’t happy at all, she took to Facebook last night and they picked the nearest hotel to their home and posted that they where going there for a  night of passion. I am not impressed with how I was treated, neither was my partner so she posted on Facebook and then shortly after   I got an email from dad asking me to have a word with my partner and to stop blaming his girlfriend

Ive been ignored ever since. When we were getting drinks, in front of everyone she loudly kept talking about dirty deeds done in car parks which I thought was inappropriate.

dad pays for everything for her, all she ever talks about is her other family and how they want to move closer to them (further away from me) and because of my mental health I struggled to be that far away on my own but my partner has anaemia so wasn’t up to travelling, the only company I had was my dad and his partner and they ditched me as quick as they could.

I had a word with dad about how she was treating / talking to me but he just defended her. I guess love is blind, well I don’t think she loves him. There is no way I am going to the wedding, even if I did it would be her family that took part in the wedding not us.

I don’t really want drama anymore. The journey back last night was a nightmare with delays and issues and I got back in 8pm at night having left early morning and my shoulders hurt bad from carrying luggage and arthritis so I took some medicine, put Leon on my tv and fell asleep. I gave my pets and partner a cuddle first and the cats were really happy to see me so was my partner.

never again and I am travelling across country to see them, they can travel up in the car.

17 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

I think your intuition and response was right on...and it's not just the £250.  You drew an unmistakable boundary.  Although I haven't followed the relationship with your dad, there's no way I'd have tolerated the gf's behavior.

Your story immediately resonated, i.e., my "last straw" moment with my narcissist adopted mother.  Years ago, I drove a couple hours across the Everglades for dinner/overnight with her and her Casper Milquetoast (third) husband, following a painful breakup of my own.  No empathy or concern for my well-being.  Only relentless criticism about the bad choice I'd made (essentially a replay of having endured dinner table third-degrees when I was a teen, but helpless to escape it). 

I tried to go to bed in their guest room and decided, hell no.  It's only two hours to get home where it was quiet, safe and comfortable...and these people just spent over an hour tearing me down.  Tossed the bag in the car and left.  My parting shot was when she said, "I don't understand why you're leaving," to which I responded, "You're right.  You don't."  Last time I ever saw or spoke to her, putting an end to 30+ years of abuse.

imo, you and your partner are right to be furious.  The gf?  Again, imo, that's Dad's problem.

I am sorry this happened to you, family can be horrible, I used to sit there and my family would criticise me and my life and how I made nothing of it, they had no appreciation or understanding about mental health or how I struggled, at night I couldn’t function for my poor mental health. Some times I would storm out and go for a walk when I was being criticised for my lack of success in life. I would walk around the lakes, see the birds and swans and the wildlife and just drown it all out. 

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fwiw, I have to reiterate that it sounds like you're exercising very appropriate choices and I'm uploading a gold star for your forehead.  Their behaviors are completely inappropriate and - believe me, I understand how difficult this can be - you were remarkably proactive (I guess that's the current lingo) in your own care.  Nicely done.

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I’ve been very unwell since the visit and we barely have talked to them (not my choice) I’ve been asleep for 5 days straight and I’ve just had enough. I’ve not managed to do anything other than sleep and basic chores and my depression has worsened.

It doesn’t help that it’s been freezing cold here and getting things done in the cold isn’t easy but I’ve made sure we stayed warm and our pets too.

I got a bunch of things to get done soon but I lack motivation. 

 

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