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Jonesy

New member: Wishing Everyone a Healthy Holiday!

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Dear all, I have been on and off this forum for years, as a guest, and under various aliases ...

I wanted to rejoin to say hi to everyone here, and to let you know how valuable this forum has been to my survival and (uneven) recovery from a full blown breakdown.

Came out of that disaster having crashed out of a professional career, got dumped by my partner of eight years, and cheated out of a decent income by my former employer (long story)  ...

I used to be anxious, bitter, angry, and hugely volatile, plus heavily medicated ... now I am steadier, less medicated, settling into a new town, and (more or less) accepting that I must work at a part-time minimum wage job to make ends meet for two years until I can get access to my retirement savings.

I am now single, fully divorced from my violent and toxic family, and I have lost a lot of "friends" to mental health stigma and the breakup. Slowly reaching out again to humanity via church and Meetup.

An important personal note: a couple of years ago I adopted a Lab puppy who has matured into a very active best friend who gets me up and out every single day, even on the mornings freighted by profound sadness and loneliness.

I have been in therapy for over twenty years, albeit with several changes in practitioners, and I am under the care of an excellent psychiatrist. Managed to get onto SSDA after enduring an appeal and legal action. Which means I also have Medicare, which is a godsend since I am nowhere near 65. I did a stint in psych hospitals, both state and private, and I know DBT and all that fairly well. I use those skills on a more casual basis these days, being somewhat jaundiced and yet well aware of their importance. 

Well, its another Thanksgiving holiday rolling around this week,. and for me at least, this is not an easy time.

On the one hand, I am a naturalized US citizen, meaning that my utterly toxic childhood was spent outside the US and that Thanksgiving is less of a deep psychic wound as a result ... But, on the other hand,  I have lived here for about 30 years, I have racked up many American Thanksgivings good, bad, and indifferent -- and I find myself alone at this time, like I said, steady but not exactly jumping for joy.

I punch a clock this Thursday at my retail job, for a day shift, and then I will come home to ... well, my beloved dog, my secure home, a well stocked fridge, and a Netflix evening ... it will not be awful, but I know there will be some sad moments ... in which I will feel utterly set apart from any sense of being loved and embraced within a homey setting. 

So, this seems a good time to share with like minded others an affirmation: I promise to do what I can to be mindful and to take care of myself, and to honor the gratitude that is authentic, even in this lean moment of relative social deprivation.

Wishing you all the very best during this challenging week ! Here's to Healthy Holidays for All of Us , especially to those of us who sometimes feel like self esteem and groundedness are elusive, and that life seems to lack sufficient meaning.  

Yours, Jonesy

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Greetings Jonesy,

     Welcome back to the Forums.  I've been around here for quite awhile and I've probably read some of your posts from the past. 

     I hope your Thanksgiving will be not only bearable but more happy than unhappy.  This Thanksgiving I will be all alone and so I can certainly identify with what you wrote about that.   I'm glad you have your Lab with you!

     I hope to read many more of your posts here on the Forums.  I'm sorry I don't know what else to say, but I'm a bit worn out.  Anyway . . . welcome back ! ! !  

- epictetus

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Thanks for your post. I, too, will be alone this Thanksgiving. So I understand. Glad you are doing well all things considered. Hope you keep reading, posting, and hanging in there with us. 
 

BW

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A slightly belated thank you @Jonesy. I wanted you to know that reading your message of gratitude, in spite of the many unhappy events that occured in your past, was heartwarming.   

Gratitude is an important practice for me yet I'm not especially good at being mindful of what I have that's good and decent. Your post brought these to the forefront of my mind and I thank you for that. 

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Welcome to the forums @Jonesy, so glad that you’ve come out of your shell to make an account here.

 

Reading about your struggles and push to overcome them was very satisfying and oddly soothing. Though, I’m very sorry to hear that your Thanksgiving wasn’t spent with anyone.. it’s always heartbreaking to hear when folks break apart from their families/loved ones. Dogs are superb companions however, and I’m sure your lab was joyous to spend not only a holiday with you, but every other day in your loving company.

 

Wishing you the best as well, and take care! Hope to see you more around the forums.

Edited by Almha

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Hi and sorry for the late response. Holidays are a very hard time for me too. Your story is similar to mine and reading it help to see that others have overcome the depression breakdown. I no longer do Thanksgiving and really wish I could skip Christmas too, but the grandkids expect it.

 

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