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TA's "What's On Your Mind Right Now?" Thread, Part 4


Natasha1

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9 hours ago, Mikayla said:

@samadhiSheol

If there is something that makes you happy even for a while, you could try doing it in my opinion. Usually, when people are depressed there is a cause. I know what is my combination of causes, you can find your combination, I'm sure.  

For me, it's music. Martial arts too.

Atm, solo kick boxing/shadow boxing etc. (thank you covid) 

Oh and reading. 

It doesn't work all the time, but it's something. 

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1 hour ago, Bulgakov said:

Leland Vittert, Fox reporter on the scene with the celebrating crowd in DC:

"There's a very pungent smell of marijuana here, in the capital."

It's legal there so if I was the reporter I would smoke with them.  

Edited by sober4life
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17 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

For me, it's music. Martial arts too.

Atm, solo kick boxing/shadow boxing etc. (thank you covid) 

Oh and reading. 

It doesn't work all the time, but it's something. 

Oh, reading,..reading is great, have you read anything worth mentioning recently? I always wanted to take some karate lessons or any self-defense lessons but I'm not sure if I ever will.

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26 minutes ago, Mikayla said:

Oh, reading,..reading is great, have you read anything worth mentioning recently? I always wanted to take some karate lessons or any self-defense lessons but I'm not sure if I ever will.

I am currently reading a book on the band Led Zeppelin, “When Giants walked the earth”.

I have had to put it down and really consider should I actually finish it as I found it boring and downright pointless at times..though there is no doubt there is musical genius involved and they made awesome songs,  they also appeared to be an obnoxious, purile, chauvinist and badly behaved bunch..acting like a bunch of senseless teens well into their twenties, thirties and even older..all the partying, boozing, womanizing, violence..though I dare say sadly that is what “rock n roll”has always been about...Elvis, Miles Davis, Charlie Parker, The Who etc..

This was the main reason why initially being involved in a band a long while back, I gave it up after a relatively short time.

I liked the magic in performing and seeing a crowd actually enjoy themselves..but everything else was a  pointless waste of energy and time imho..and made me wonder is this all humanity adds up to??? That and I didn’t really know how to play an instrument. Haha.

More seriously though, I read all sorts. When I can focus, I read about philosophy, politics, physics, cosmology, modern novels, classics..

When I can’t  focus properly I pick up a biography. If one is into biographies, a couple come to mind. The one about Steven Jobs (Apple visionary) is interesting as is the biography on a Richard Branson, the Virgin billionaire.

Of course any biography about your favorite artist, be it music or whatever(but a word of caution, it’s perhaps not  a good idea to know too much about the people you admire!!).

 

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@samadhiSheol

..Biography about Jobs is very good (I mean that Isaacson's one) but I haven't finished it yet because of lack of focus, I guess, I'd read much more if I could focus properly..I don't really know what causes it (though I have some suggestions), perhaps lack of sleep above all. But good you have mentioned it, I'll start with it again. I'm currantly reading a thriller "Into the water". It's quite relaxing.

 

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Had some paranoia today that people were talking about me 😬 

I haven't had that for a long time so it was strange. I haven't had it coz I haven't been around strangers for such a long time. Saying that, it's a constant when I'm with narc mom or sis but I'm just used to that and forget about it quickly afterwards. I'm so used to narc mom whispering about me and my sis that I totally expect her to do it. 

So then it transpires that I totally expect everyone else to do it too. 

It sucks but on a positive note I handled my business and enjoyed being around people. It would be good to do that more 😔

 

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I remember the days where I would unscrew registers looking for hidden cameras and bugs and the days where I thought the bugs and the birds were government cameras sent to spy on me.  Paranoia can actually make you see people taking your picture or talking on walkie talkies or driving in vehichles with tinted windows falsely.  Who knows in this world maybe it's true.

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How on earth do people manage to spend time around each other when there is so much gossiping going on? 

I'm pretty sure I was being paranoid today but I do know what people are like, talking about everyone else all the time. 

I remember when I was working and there was constant gossip. So much so, I guess I got used to it. I had some really tough moments though. The thought of going back into that is more than a l'il scary 😬 People can be such a$$holes. 

I'm exhausted from being around people today. 

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26 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

How on earth do people manage to spend time around each other when there is so much gossiping going on? 

I'm pretty sure I was being paranoid today but I do know what people are like, talking about everyone else all the time. 

I remember when I was working and there was constant gossip. So much so, I guess I got used to it. I had some really tough moments though. The thought of going back into that is more than a l'il scary 😬 People can be such a$$holes. 

I'm exhausted from being around people today. 

If you want to work do it.  Don't let them take it from you.

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:)..sometimes this gossiping is real, my parents do that sometimes, at least I know my dad thinks his children are "strange". Yeah, we aren't ideal children and I even suffer from anxiety and depression, so I'm not totally fit which is partially because my parents treated us like they did..we can't be completely normal, of course😀

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I'm going to see a house tomorrow. It seems perfect for me. I haven't sold mine yet to be able to buy it l, but if I fall in love with it, I might go back on the market. I'm a bit nervous about the long drive up there but I should be OK 🤞

I'm so conflicted about moving. It won't be easy, it will be very stressful for myself and mini lion. I will be on my own more than ever before. I will have a lot of stress from narc mom. I will have to leave another life I've built, no matter how small. 

But it's where I wanna be and I feel more comfortable looking for work up there - which is invaluable for me. I would also be out of reach of narc mom and my own boss 😁

Plus I'll be away from all of the drama surrounding me as a result of my mother 😬 I've repaired some of it and made amends with people but she has caused one hell of a stink for me here and I hate people knowing my business. 

Edited by Nightjar
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There's a big storm blowing in.  I could hear the train as they say.  Every time it's this bad I think of the Criminal Minds episode where the man tried to get blown away by a tornado.  In the end he did get picked up by a tornado.  Every time a storm like that comes through I hope it's my turn.

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I get to work right in the corona storm which is the hospital so maybe it's my turn to. I don't want to die slowly though. We don't get paid extra and there's no insurance. Nobody cares about anyone these days. This is the worst scientific experience ever to be conducted. I can't believe it's this bad and I still have 40 more years to go. I know that ain't so for me though.

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Well it's scary 8 months into a pandemic and honestly has anything really changed in those 8 months?  Do we even believe anyone knows anything about this virus?  Does anyone really know what they're doing at all?  Do we have any confidence we're going to get through this at this point?🤷‍♀️We have the holidays though holidays where they will tell us how we're allowed to celebrate as they don't follow any of the rules themselves and get caught on camera over and over not following the rules they make for us.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

There's a big storm blowing in.  I could hear the train as they say.  Every time it's this bad I think of the Criminal Minds episode where the man tried to get blown away by a tornado.  In the end he did get picked up by a tornado.  Every time a storm like that comes through I hope it's my turn.

No I think you should try to stay safe sober. 

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