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TA's "What's On Your Mind Right Now?" Thread, Part 4


Natasha1

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3 hours ago, AloneGuy said:

First morning getting out of bed without my cat here and I can't bear it.  I'm going to have to get some help, I'm really struggling.  All I do is cry.  I miss her so much.  

You are a truly good person which is a rare thing in this dark cold world.  Your cat would want you to be happy.  I'm sure you gave her a wonderful life.  You enjoy the holidays and it's very important you surround yourself with family and enjoy these holidays.  Don't let a cat that has been a source of light in your life for 18 years take you to a dark place.  That's the last thing she would want.  She would want you to be happy and enjoy life.  Remember the good times and let the light shine strong!

Edited by sober4life
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"Reduce how much processed food you eat. Eat whole foods!"

This banal advice is bandied about everywhere but it's become like a mantra in California. Which brings me to what I was thinking about while crunching and munching a vegan salad for dinner that boasted this mysterious ingredient: soy protein

Another way to describe this ingredient: Processed. Soybean. Protein. Product. It is similar to tofu - which we get from... erm, what whole food source exactly, the sublime tofu tree? 🌳🤷🏻‍♂️

And what about vegan imitation deli slices, bacon that is fake-on, tofutti, whey protein, impossible burgers, almond milk, seitan, green  veg juices? These are all processed foods by their very definition. So, this annoys me and subsequently, I annoy various people around California by pointing out how the advice about "processed foods" is rather reductive and totally meaningless. They roll their eyes oh Atra, you KNOW what constitutes "processed foods" - and yes I do know what they mean. Still the intellectual laziness bothers me because I believe nutrition is a thoughtful decision not a thoughtless one. Informed choices result in better decisions and relieving people of that labor doesn't help them. 

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22 hours ago, sober4life said:

You are a truly good person which is a rare thing in this dark cold world.  Your cat would want you to be happy.  I'm sure you gave her a wonderful life.  You enjoy the holidays and it's very important you surround yourself with family and enjoy these holidays.  Don't let a cat that has been a source of light in your life for 18 years take you to a dark place.  That's the last thing she would want.  She would want you to be happy and enjoy life.  Remember the good times and let the light shine strong!

Thanks so much Sober4life and you're right of course, Sissy wouldn't want me to be so sad during the holidays.  She also wouldn't want me to be so hard on myself.  You see since her death I've been eaten alive by not just sorrow but also guilt.  Guilt not just that maybe I waited too long to have her put to sleep, but also things like I should have payed more attention to her; I should have played with her more; I shouldn't have gotten so annoyed whenever she got sick on the floor; I should have taken her to the vet more often, and more.  I had been keeping all this inside and not opening up to anyone, and the thoughts just kept repeating over and over...almost tarnishing Sissy's memory in my mind.    Deep down I know these thoughts aren't true, but they kept coming into my head.  This morning after another awful night I finally opened up to my mom about this.  I basically broke down in front of her.  But she assured me those thoughts were preposterous and reminded me that I gave Sissy a wonderful life.  That I was by her side 24/7 for many many years.  That I took very good care of her and was devoted to her, and that Sissy loved me and was devoted to me as well.  She also reminded me of what the vet told me, that I was doing the right thing and that this was the right time.  That her death was peaceful and painless, and that I was by her side with my hand holding onto her as she passed. These are things that my depressed brain had pushed aside in favor of deluded negative thoughts.  And I realize that now.  Maybe I can start to recover now. 

I made a little shrine with Sissy's photo and a tealight candle that I lit this morning at 11:55am which was the time she passed on Monday (only 2 days ago, really? Seems so much longer!).  I'm looking on Amazon for a little urn pendant that I can put a bit of her ashes in to keep with me.  And it turns out that the crematorium will be giving me her ashes in just a little tin, so I'm trying to pick out the main urn and didn't realize there were so many choices!  It's really hard to decide on one

Thank you to everyone who replied to me and offered support, I really do appreciate it so much!  And thank you also to everyone who read about Sissy's passing and maybe thought of her and me.  I'll never get over her death and it seems like I'll never stop crying, but my thoughts are becoming a bit brighter now. 

 

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Yes I understand @AloneGuyI know that guilt.  I felt that guilt when mom passed away.  It was my duty to protect her and I failed at saving her life.  I went to very dark places with the guilt.  The truth is she was very sick and some of the best doctors in the country couldn't get her well again.  No it's not our fault.  We were there for the ones we loved with everything we had and we had wonderful times and we have to remember those wonderful times.  Those are what will help us recover.

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I told my mom I would be over to her house at 12:30 and bring lunch. It's 2am and I'm only now realizing that there are barely any restaurants open. I may have to be brave and throw myself in with the last minute supermarket shoppers. If I'm to endure this it'll require noise-canceling headphones, strong scented necklace, sunglasses. Possibly a donut. 

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10 hours ago, SqueezeWax said:

Do country singers ever come from big towns where nobody knows each other?

All of them have that same story they have to tell people to make money but most of their stories are as real as Larry the Cable Guy.  They have to be people that can relate to their fans.  Even if their stories have a shred of truth to them they are millionaires now and today's story isn't anything close to what they sing about.

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