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TA's "What's On Your Mind Right Now?" Thread, Part 4

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

You should replace it with a palm tree.  I'm sure he would like that.

I just took my christmas tree down... it's a small a 4ft fiber optic tree... it gave the living room more sparkle...  kind of looks dull in there now...

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I'm glad Renee Zellwigger won the best actress Oscar.  She was a huge star when I was a kid. Bridget Jones, Chicago and Down With Love were some of my favorite movies when I was in junior high. I still wonder if her career will ever recover, though.

Winning an Oscar seems to only hurt an actors career in many cases, too. They get cast in one or two big supposedly prestigious movies afterwards that flop, and then they're doing straight to video material.

Edited by SqueezeWax

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Another thing on my mind: are some people doomed to mediocrity and sheer plodding through a meaningless life?

Is it my lot to be an underachiever and a loser?

I am turning out to be the sort of person I detest. A nihilist, cynical old bitter loser who has nothing good to say about anything.

Oh wait. i'm there already!

 

Edited by samadhiSheol

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8 minutes ago, samadhiSheol said:

Another thing on my mind: are some people doomed to mediocrity and sheer plodding through a meaningless life?

Is it my lot to be an underachiever and a loser?

I am turning out to be the sort of person I detest. A nihilist, cynical old bitter loser who has nothing good to say about anything.

Oh wait. i'm there already!

 

I'm there too.  After the life I've had I'll be there until the end.

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13 minutes ago, samadhiSheol said:

Another thing on my mind: are some people doomed to mediocrity and sheer plodding through a meaningless life?

Is it my lot to be an underachiever and a loser?

I am turning out to be the sort of person I detest. A nihilist, cynical old bitter loser who has nothing good to say about anything.

Oh wait. i'm there already!

 

The emptiness and utter pointless of (in)human existence is becoming too much for me.

I can only speak for myself, but it's sheer cowardice that has prevented me from ending this pathetic existence.

 

 

Edited by samadhiSheol

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2 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

Another thing on my mind: are some people doomed to mediocrity and sheer plodding through a meaningless life?

Is it my lot to be an underachiever and a loser?

I am turning out to be the sort of person I detest. A nihilist, cynical old bitter loser who has nothing good to say about anything.

Oh wait. i'm there already!

 

Maybe it's a virus or something because I caught the very same thing.

I don't think I can keep going much longer.

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51 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

I don’t feel my best at the moment.  I’m under the weather but I’m battling through it.

I understand...  and you will march through it with your head held high!  we both will... :nod:

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1 hour ago, Floor2017 said:

Working helps to comfort me by getting my mind off of the real world issues 

I love work if they're solitary jobs.  There's no such thing as a pleasant job with people.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I love work if they're solitary jobs.  There's no such thing as a pleasant job with people.

I know!  I wish I could find  a job I could do from home.... the job I have now is solitary... but I have co-workers.. but I am the one in charge of my job since I am the  part time  inventory/custodian... I don't have to talk with anyone if I don't want to and best of all,  we are not open to the public - so we do not have  ranting and raving customers...but the job is becoming hard on me... I'm on my feet non-stop for 4 hours -pulling, lifting, stacking, twirling...... that would have probably been fine 5-10-20-30-40 years ago... but I'm getting older....

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9 hours ago, surfcaster said:

thinking about what else i can do to not fall apart emotionally

I usually look for something funny to watch on TV... something silly.. I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, 3rd Rock From the Sun....  this way... I don't have t think about what's going on in reality .... or sometimes I watched Twin Peaks, The Return if I want to be interactive with the Blu Ray player

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Somehow I have to find yesterday's confidence on a day where I can't seem to even get myself motivated enough to get ready to go.  Where did that person go?  It's going to be one of those days for sure!

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2 hours ago, watalife said:

What does it mean when someone ask you the same question over and over ? Different days times and years, it's still the same question. 

It tells me that that 😅  is all that person cares about! When I ask someone for something it takes alot to ask the first time, I won't even ask a second time!

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I admitted to my therapist that I found him attractive last week. He was asking me how I feel and deal with not ever having been sexually active. I've read that if you feel an attraction to your therapist you should discuss it,  but I never felt a need to until now. So I threw it out there. I would describe him as a very heterosexual young republican-former fratboy hybrid. He's exactly the kind of guy you would expect would be paranoid in the presence of a gay guy, assuming that they are being checked out by them. He's known from the beginning that I'm gay though and it's never bothered him. And He didn't seem uncomfortable at all when I confessed my attraction. He simply thanked me and continued to question me about what I thought about sex and relationships. I've been depressed most of the week following this last appointment and I can't determine why. Maybe because this was the first time I ever told a guy I found him attractive and he wasn't sufficiently flattered. Maybe because he didn't return the compliment. Maybe because he wasn't embarrassed when I told him and it turns me on when he gets flustered. 

Edited by SqueezeWax

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12 hours ago, SqueezeWax said:

I admitted to my therapist that I found him attractive last week.

That was exceedingly courageous. Took a risk there and you learned stuff. Some thoughts I had reading your recounting of events:

You felt you were in a safe enough environment to confide in him your sexual feelings. And the therapeutic relationship held when you did that. You've been feeling attraction towards him quite a while now, been expressing that here on the forums. You've now expressed those feelings directly to the person you actually feel them for and the therapist reacted like it's normal dialog - because it is normal to have all kinds of feelings. Because it's normal and healthy to talk about them in therapy. 

The other thought I had isn't about you it's about me and my experiences in therapy: discomfort and not feeling safe - those aren't the same thing.

I have also had sexual feelings for my therapist, I've had anger towards her, and other times I just wanted her to like me - actually, I wanted her to look forward to seeing her very favorite client, which I wanted to be me! This is all embarrassing to admit and that's discomfort.

And yet I need my therapist to maintain these professional boundaries, keep em strong. Why? So that I can be the big, f*cking vulnerable mess I am - and that means I'm feeling safe with her. She can help me sort through my feelings, which I'm typically disowning, because I'm embarrassed or ashamed or feel so foolish owning them. But I can't grow until I get real and that will mean feeling uncomfortable. And I can't express feelings if I feel like unsafe, fearful she may recoil, reject or condemn me - or jump my bones. 

12 hours ago, SqueezeWax said:

I've been depressed most of the week following this last appointment and I can't determine why.

I don't know that you ought to know why you feel this way. Maybe talk about it at your next visit and let the therapist do his job, working it out together. 

 

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