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What gives you hope?


ladysmurf

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So what gives you hope to hold on? After so many years of struggling with this illness, I started losing hope. I don't care for anything anymore. I haven't worked in years, I isolate...and I've tried many things in the medical field that got me nowhere..people just keep telling me "be patient, and hold on, you are strong, something will come out because so many people are suffering" but honestly, i am tired of hearing that, because no matter what i've tried for over decades now very few things have worked for a bit, and the rest no. 

So now my life is completely meaningless, I don't care much to go on. My self-esteem is not the best either, the anxiety I have does not help me get out of the house much and be more social with people. I just sleep, eat, and lie in bed. I don't see a future for myself. I am always tired. I used to be hopeful that something would change, but nothing ever does, and I got tired of trying, and hoping. After a while, everyone has their limits, I just can't find any hope anywhere, and who wants to spend the rest of their lives feeling this way? Not being able to talk to people, enjoy a favorite meal, enjoy a hobby, it's meaningless..

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It is so hard when you don’t have hope anymore. So sorry you feel like that. I have hope that there will be an end to this existence. It won’t go on forever. Sometimes that gets me through another day and I am closer to the end. Also I try to have hope it the little things that make me smile or forget the hardship of life. 
 

BW

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We understand only too well how difficult depression can be.

For me I must anchor myself outside the deep abyss.

Old Man Depression plays awful tricks on our psyches so my thought is we should play some clever tricks right back.

No one should be a trapped prisoner within oneself.

We all can make a metaphorical prison break and start anew.

I keep telling myself: Despair not/REPAIR a lot.

Oscar

 

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What motivates me is fear and knowing what the world really is.  Stubbornness and pride also drive my survival instinct.  I feel like I was used and abused and life was taken from me so I have a thought in me you're not getting me.  I'm fighting until the last breath to make sure I'm never used and abused again.

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Could be my mindset or lack thereof, but if I have any hope at all it's in the fact that all there is is NOW and if for some reason we can't experience the NOW we get all these symptoms, depression bipolar bpd, gad did ddt agent orange cia mi6 or whatever

Or pperhaps it's all in my mind..I can't shut my mind and you know what its all ok right now my mind does it thing and 

Hope.. doesn't really come into the equation not mine(d) anyhow not NOW all there is is now

Oh mygod tomorrow or ten minutes or whenever ever never this will pass and I'll be my regular pessimistic bile spewing self

But right now..I don't even want hope.

Cause hope is my personal highway to hell

Edited by samadhiSheol
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Good point.  Hope is that carrot dangled in front of us that we'll never be able to reach.  So yes I've had hope over the years but it's mostly lost in delusion.  I have this fantasy life that's always out of reach and impossible to get to.

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Hope.. I’ve never really thought about this.. I’ve thought about trying to achieve happiness but I know that’s impossible.. Hope is the expectation and desire for something to happen.. Hope is different from a goal. Maybe I have certain goals in life.. but hope is something abstract that seems difficult to comprehend.. I hope I have a good day today.. I hope no one has ill intentions towards me today.. I hope people understand what I’m trying to say.. but sometimes I feel like this world is just messed up.. why hope for something that might never happen.. 

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I have hope I’ll be someone someday. That I’ll be someone to someone other than my family. I’m not talking about a romantic relationship, but instead a person who I could mean the world to— just like how they would to me. Something so mutual and real. Even if it’s a pet.

I thought I had that a long time ago. Now I’m not so sure they’re here for me anymore. I doubt it so much. And I doubt my importance a lot. The painful thing is that I’ll probably never know, or be that someone.

Kind of have to be that ‘one man army’, huh? It’s just me, myself, and I

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1 hour ago, Lorax said:

@MaepleSyrup

Your post reminds me of one of my favorite Dr. Suess quotes:

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

I miss that feeling so much. 

I love how you connected that — I forgot about that quote such a long time ago. I know I’ve heard it before, but gosh was I so young. Young and oblivious. Now it applies to our lives in such a melancholy way.

Kind of depressing in a sense

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19 hours ago, sober4life said:

What motivates me is fear and knowing what the world really is.  Stubbornness and pride also drive my survival instinct.  I feel like I was used and abused and life was taken from me so I have a thought in me you're not getting me.  I'm fighting until the last breath to make sure I'm never used and abused again.

sometimes i feel like fighting until the end, but sometimes i just think i've had enough and i can't keep doing this forever..

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16 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

Hope.. I’ve never really thought about this.. I’ve thought about trying to achieve happiness but I know that’s impossible.. Hope is the expectation and desire for something to happen.. Hope is different from a goal. Maybe I have certain goals in life.. but hope is something abstract that seems difficult to comprehend.. I hope I have a good day today.. I hope no one has ill intentions towards me today.. I hope people understand what I’m trying to say.. but sometimes I feel like this world is just messed up.. why hope for something that might never happen.. 

i have no goals, they will never happen, i already know that, so i gave up believing that this is happening for some reason, i don't believe in that. so i have no goals, no aspirations, no hope, no friends, (because my social anxiety wont let me do anything) I'm terrified of people and letting people into my life. i isolate , on top of that i have physical and emotional symptoms of depression and anxiety. I've just had enough. no one understands.  i just waste my life for nothing. the doctors get paid, and i keep repeating the same old story over and over again, and i get no relief, support, nothing.

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On 11/9/2019 at 10:08 PM, ladysmurf said:

people just keep telling me "be patient, and hold on, you are strong, something will come out because so many people are suffering" but honestly, i am tired of hearing that, because no matter what i've tried for over decades now very few things have worked for a bit, and the rest no. 

 

15 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

sometimes i feel like fighting until the end, but sometimes i just think i've had enough and i can't keep doing this forever..

Many of us relate to feeling like this. It is awful and soul crushing. Coming from an extreme misanthropic and angry place, I find it difficult to hope. The best I can do is push my reservations about the future down below the surface.

With that drab sentiment said, I admit I become quite stubborn and refuse to give even without hope, all because of the wonderful people on DF. Hearing everybody's stories, and reading how you all push forward and dig deep against all odds, gives me courage too.

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7 hours ago, Kenneth8825 said:

I honestly have no hope. Ever since I failed out of  med school my life has been hopeless. I will probably give it a couple of years, if I am still miserable, I will **** myself. 

cant you try again? what happened? (if its too personal you  dont have to share)

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16 hours ago, bbwolf said:

there is no hope, just waiting for the final day to come

hey i thought you were doing ok with the job and all, how are you? i havent even been able to return to work..it stinks i am so miserable at home isolating from the world

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On 11/10/2019 at 12:59 PM, bbwolf said:

there is no hope, just waiting for the final day to come

I've been kicked in the teeth countless times because I dared to hope. All it got me was bitter disappointment. The universe and I function like that Peanuts comic where Lucy talks Charlie Brown into taking a kick at the football she's holding on the ground. Charlie reluctantly runs for it and at the last second, Lucy yanks the football, causing Charlie Brown to once again fall flat on his back. This happens over and over again. It's the perfect metaphor for my life.

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

I've been kicked in the teeth countless times because I dared to hope. All it got me was bitter disappointment. The universe and I function like that Peanuts comic where Lucy talks Charlie Brown into taking a kick at the football she's holding on the ground. Charlie reluctantly runs for it and at the last second, Lucy yanks the football, causing Charlie Brown to once again fall flat on his back. This happens over and over again. It's the perfect metaphor for my life.

Yeah me too.

 

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On 11/9/2019 at 2:24 PM, samadhiSheol said:

Could be my mindset or lack thereof, but if I have any hope at all it's in the fact that all there is is NOW and if for some reason we can't experience the NOW we get all these symptoms, depression bipolar bpd, gad did ddt agent orange cia mi6 or whatever

I like this. Thank you!  It is helpful to me. I so need to stay in the now. 

BW

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On 11/9/2019 at 2:24 PM, samadhiSheol said:

if I have any hope at all it's in the fact that all there is is NOW and if for some reason we can't experience the NOW we get all these symptoms

Yes, I think at least in part.

The key is "NOW". This is the moment in which we can do. "But you say this moment is gone; even as we speak, 'now' becomes part of the past!" Actually, however, "now" can never be the past. Time moves on, but the "now" stays with us always. Man is a creature that can live only now. Everything else is a psychological invention. What we call "the past" is simply man's memory of the past - now. What we call "the future" is man's hope for the future which he is hoping - now. We are non-contemporary only because we bind ourselves to something outside of ourselves - time, and time becomes the greatest tyrant in our lives. - Manly P Hall

 

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On 11/9/2019 at 12:08 PM, ladysmurf said:

So what gives you hope to hold on?

That everything is finite except hope. Starting to lose hope, being unable to find hope - is that the same as it being gone?

I can/must accepting finite pain, suffering, disappointment - even when these endure for years. My hope for change is because there's nothing in this world or beyond that remains unchanged forever so that must include me. My suffering increases when I strive and struggle to but can't see the change - when, how and where? If only I could let go. 

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“Making the leap of faith into a virtuous adulthood requires not just an ability to endure pain, but also the courage to abandon hope, to let go of the desire for things always to be better or more pleasant or a ton of fun.”  -Mark Manson

His book to abandon hope is an interesting read. Don’t hope for change. Be the change. That’s what his book drives at, and the way he drives at it is interesting.

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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I have hopes for my family. I constantly wonder if me being alive is hindering those hopes. The fear that I am ruining their lives being me consumes me and I battle what would be better for them in my head. I have nothing for myself. No desires. I know I am hopeless.

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1 hour ago, Tid322 said:

I have hopes for my family. I constantly wonder if me being alive is hindering those hopes. The fear that I am ruining their lives being me consumes me and I battle what would be better for them in my head. I have nothing for myself. No desires. I know I am hopeless.

We don't consider any of our members hopeless.

We are here for support and insights.

We won't give up on you and please don't give up on yourself.

Despair not/REPAIR a lot.

Oscar

 

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