Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Bigger Tee

Nobody knows how I truly feels deep inside of me..

Recommended Posts

Nobody to tell how i truly feels inside of me, but when I go out there people do believe that I have it all worked out not knowing that I'm hurting inside. I get depressed Everyday, there are oppressions everywhere.. I feel like I've failed when thinking about my friends that have it all worked out from there career life to finance and family as a whole... I'm just here all alone, nothing is working out for me, I'm stagnated and sometimes I wonder why God created me in this cruel world where it's all about competitions.. Sometimes I feel like ending my own life and be at peace.. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello, 

Don't be too hard on yourself,  it's easy to spiral when you look at others and compare to your own life.  The problem at looking at friends or colleagues is you only see the good stuff of what's going on.

I call it the "Facebook Effect".  Imagine people putting things on Facebook that they actually felt, it would paint a whole new picture and bring a lot of people down to reality.

You can find happiness when you find out what causes your sadness. 

Someone said to me (about a year ago), "What's the matter with you??,  you have a nice family, a supporting wife, two beautiful kids, a fast car, a great job.... you're the man who has everything"...I will never ever forget what that person said,  because I ask myself "so then why do I feel so low".

Currently, I am attacking my life one bit at a time,  and deleting all the toxics points in my life and slowly I am getting there.  Depression and stress, for me has been so challenging and I take each day at a time.  I have suspended Facebook, deleted the Instagram account and I avoid the news channels.  I bought a motorbike so I don't have to deal with traffic, and now I am separating from my wife!!..  I would love to go back to that person and say to them..  "not so perfect eh??"

But I know I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and each day I get stronger.  

My advice to you is keep your head up high, think of positive things, and keep your mind busy with things you enjoy.  Activities is the best was through it,  but know that you need to push through it and the hardest bit, is only you can make you happy..  but believe me happiness is right round the corner for you, you just need to discover what it will look like

Edited by Saprkzz

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry I am not too good with english. I think there is nothing wrong with competition. In U.S. they seem to make it feel like life or death sometimes like a barbaric fight. but you can lose most of the time and it is not the end of everything. many successful people lose all the time. Chuck Norris the martial artist use to lose a lot of tournaments but he kept learning how to improve. I heard stories of people failing a lot to create electricity.

The secret is if you look at the top people in the world they are really losers at some point who had failures but they simply did not quit.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bigger Tree I think I understand where you are. I am within 10 years of a normal retirement. I have been married to my second wife for almost 30 years, my first lasted less than 3 years, and we have never been completely on the same page. 

As a result, I am not as close to my 2 oldest adult children as I should be. My youngest also a legal adult is experiencing his own life difficulties and that has placed an additional strain on my marriage. My wife was never accepting of my oldest children  who were born before I met her.She grew up in an affluent family, I did not. 

Like yourself I am social and very easily mesh with people. My wife is the opposite except in a professional setting. Thus, we have no friends with whom we can pick up the phone and just hang out. I've had a business since just before marrying my wife. That business is now changing and finances have gotten very tight. As I said she came from an affluent family and when my business was rolling,  she was denied nothing. Now, I am saying no more and more and this is placing the final nails in our deteriorating relationship. Because I grew up in a working class family that didn't have money for many extras, except love, I am not a big gift giver and when money is tight, I try to take care of my ongoing bills. So, on a day like today, Christmas, this causes conflicts between my wife and I. I have a family member who is very well off financially and she can't understand why I won't ask my family member for a loan. I explain if it gets to a point I can't pay the mortgage or necessary utilities, I will. However, I will not for non-essential matters. So, today when she was disappointed by the lack of another Christmas gift; she spent "a lot" of money on things in the last two months saying that "this" is my Christmas gift and I am still paying the credit/charge card bills, she became enraged and told me she hated me. Now she has said hurtful things to me before but today, I saw it in her eyes. 

She's upset because I had an excellent chance of taking advantage of an excellent opportunity over a decade ago but that job would have taken me away from family time- we were having a shaky time then too-, plus my business was very busy and gratifying. Now it's barely covering the bills. So, I made a series of bad decisions and time is running out.

Now I am quietly depressed but really have no one I can talk to about this as everyone thinks I am the perfect guy. I feel like a failure as I am now actively looking for a new employment situation but due in part to my age I have not found a good fit. I feel like a failure having let my best years fly by and watching several with lesser abilities eclipse me. However, I have been around long enough to know that the only people that you think have perfect lives are those people you don't really know well. Money is nice but it does not guarantee happiness and a lot of it often causes its own stress because someone is always trying to divest you of it.

Edited by Snarky canine
typos and additional thoughts

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...