Has your trust in people deteriorated because of depresssion?

[highanxiety]

Mine has!  Not ever being the most confident guy in the world I have always been a bit weary of people trying to get close to me.  Perhaps for me it stems from growing up in a dysfunctional family where positive reinforcement for positive achievements were rarely praised, but negative behavior always punishable.  It seems this has shaped me somewhat going foward in life, always being so hard on myself, making sure I go above and beyond expectations to please family, friends, and employers.  This behavior seems to have intensified dramatically since my depression began.  

Sometimes you get burned so much, or betrayed, you naturally become defensive.  I never speak of my depression except on this forum and with a few friends who have it too.  But people begin to pick up on your pulling back, or less available to do things as before.  And I think among other things they put two and two together and figure your in a vulnerable position, or not exactly a fun person to be around.  Those I have thought would stand by me through my depression and a chronic illness I have, and in whom I have invested so much trust and depended on for support, have for the most part vanished.  And opening up to my sister and her family, my only biological family left,  has taken advantaged of my vulnerability through emotional blackmail.  To the point I do not trust any family.

With my depression everything worry I have can be multiplied 100 times thus intensifying my caution in trusting people, keeping up my armor so not to be hurt as so many other times in the past.

There are a few people I trust,  Those consisting of a few friends, some of whom I have met on this forum, my physicians, for starters.  And people like my neighbors in my apartment building and neighborhood who know nothing of my  past, only who I am now.  With them I feel more open to be me, not having to worry their bringing up past indiscretions or faults.  

I want to trust more, but I don't know with depression if I can ever fully do so again.

Anyone else feeling the same way?  Sure would appreciate any input!

[MarkintheDark]

You and I have messaged a bit a bit about this, but for everyone else...

We've similar dysfunctional family backgrounds.  As I've come to understand it over the years, that kinda emotional damage in childhood has an effect on the very wiring of a child's developing brain.  For me, too, nearly a year of sexual abuse at the hands of a high school guidance counselor only further scrambled the wiring, essentially making it permanent.  Being The Gay Relative, too, made me an outcast among family.

I also live in what's sometimes called the Sixth Borough.  That is, it can be a rough part of the country and, yeah, survival means always being on guard from the psychos who want to take advantage.  To them, it's perfectly normal.  I don't get where that kind of always-on killer instinct comes from.  More times than not, I'm primed to say "no" to just about everything because I expect there's another agenda in play.

I can only be myself with a very few I can count on one hand.  Some others I'll only let in just so far.  Just enough to remain socially acceptable.  Most of the rest, frankly, I typically figure are simply out to stomp all over me given the opportunity.

[sober4life]

An awful life has forced me to figure out who everyone is in my life.  I never walk into a room full of people and just see a bunch of people.  I know who I can and can't trust in that room within a minute of being there.  I have to.

[Tid322]

I trust no one except you all. But that is still under the anonymity of the Internet. I think this is pretty typical. The very few people I have spoken to about my anxiety and depression have only ever used it against me. Either to threaten me or belittle me and remind me of my failures. 

 

I feel like society has been conditioned to find depression and other mental disorders as taboo. It’s a hard subject to bring up and once you do, you’re indefinitely marred with the misconceptions of this illness.

 

There are some things I have never once told a living soul. I don’t think I could ever trust anyone with my deepest secrets.

 

I feel like your feelings are completely understood and valid. It’s hard to trust when you’ve been broken by the ones you thought higher of.

[Epictetus]

I can relate 100% to what you all have written ! ! !  It's just awful, isn't it?  - epictetus

[tage]

9 hours ago, Tid322 said:

I trust no one except you all. But that is still under the anonymity of the Internet. I think this is pretty typical. The very few people I have spoken to about my anxiety and depression have only ever used it against me. Either to threaten me or belittle me and remind me of my failures. 

 

I feel like society has been conditioned to find depression and other mental disorders as taboo. It’s a hard subject to bring up and once you do, you’re indefinitely marred with the misconceptions of this illness.

 

There are some things I have never once told a living soul. I don’t think I could ever trust anyone with my deepest secrets.

 

I feel like your feelings are completely understood and valid. It’s hard to trust when you’ve been broken by the ones you thought higher of.

I relate. It's very hard to trust when people react the way they do.

I agree that society finds mental disorders as taboo.  Actually, I'd take it a step further than that. Take the recent events with Greta Thunberg. Now, regardless of whether one agrees or does not agree with her stance, (which isn't the point of this post, anyway,) what I really noticed was that her detractors were not focusing on her message, but on her place on the Spectrum. Now, my understanding is that the Autism Spectrum isn't really a mental illness, but more of a different wiring of the brain where the way one sees the world and reacts is different to what neurotypical people experience. And yet, for this, she is absolutely hated. Her detractors are going on and on about how this makes her an aberration; how she shouldn't be allowed to speak or have an opinion; how she shouldn't be among other people; how she should be kept in an institution forever; how worthless people like her are; about how they think she should be k****d as an undesirable.

So if this is how they feel about someone who sees the world and reacts differently to them, how much more do they hate us, the 'mad' ones? Why should we trust them, if this is how they act? Even though social rules dictate a higher standard of behavior of them in public, how can we trust them, knowing what they're thinking inside? Just look at the hysteria surrounding violence right now. We'll get to a stage where all of us will be preemptively imprisoned forever and tortured with inappropriate drugging just because we 'might' be a danger down the road, when very few of us will be.

Edited October 5, 2019 by MargotMontage

[Rattler6]

Yes and that is not necessarily a bad thing. 

[adamrparr]

Frankly, my depression hasn’t contributed a whole lot to my cynicism and lack of trust in society in general.  A lifetime of typical worldly experiences has been more than sufficient.

[Rattler6]

13 hours ago, adamrparr said:

Frankly, my depression hasn’t contributed a whole lot to my cynicism and lack of trust in society in general.  A lifetime of typical worldly experiences has been more than sufficient.

Same here and having very cynical parents exacerbating that feeling.  Not to mention a lot of abuse and betrayals. 

[BeyondWeary]

I have a hard time trusting people. I do have a few I can trust yet at times they think I can do everything I would normally do if I didn’t have depression and anxiety. They think since I look normal, I am just fine. It’s so frustrating!

BW

[adamrparr]

7 minutes ago, BeyondWeary said:

I have a hard time trusting people. I do have a few I can trust yet at times they think I can do everything I would normally do if I didn’t have depression and anxiety. They think since I look normal, I am just fine. It’s so frustrating!

BW

 

Indeed.  Those who’ve not lived it simply do not have the ABILITY to truly understand.  (Though I’ve discovered a universe of difference between family members whose minds are closed, and those who are, at a minimum, WILLING to learn about these conditions.  “Don’t bother me with the facts; my mind’s made up.”)

We all struggle with this.  I don’t believe that there’s an easy answer.  Society’s view of mental illness is shifting, but such a widespread fundamental shift moves at a geological pace, lamentably.

Edited October 6, 2019 by adamrparr

[sober4life]

I don't have anyone in real life I trust.  I always pretend to be ok because I'm terrified of everyone and worried what they will do to me if they think I'm not ok so they expect me to be able to do much more than I can do.  The truth is I can't do anything.  Any time I leave the house I don't even think I'm going to be able to make it back here.

[JessiesMom]

I seem to have two modes - total trust and total mistrust. This is generally the way that it works. I meet someone and either I feel an immediate connection (ie possibility of friendship) or I don't. If I do, I will try to foster that connection by being trustful and transparent - basically I will bare it all (intellectually and sprititualy, you understand) and hope to get the same in return. 

You can enter the mistrusted either by not being an immediate connection, or by betraying me. In either case - there is little chance that I will ever allow myself to be vulnerable again. 

On 10/5/2019 at 1:42 AM, MarkintheDark said:

You and I have messaged a bit a bit about this, but for everyone else...

We've similar dysfunctional family backgrounds.  As I've come to understand it over the years, that kinda emotional damage in childhood has an effect on the very wiring of a child's developing brain. 

This is also my experience. When someone you should be able to trust hurts you over and over and over again - you learn that once is enough.

[sober4life]

I pretty much live my life like I'm a deer on hunting season and all the people are after me and hunting me which isn't far from the truth.  Usually when I start to feel a connection I feel the person must have done something to fool me into believing I can trust them.

[Lorax]

I still tend to give the benefit to people with 'limited trust", but don't get too invested so I am prepared for any letdowns. If I somewhat expect it then it's easier to brush off. 

When my depression first hit hard I am the one that bailed on everyone and everything so it's people's trust in me that is the real question. 

[Countryman]

I can relate to your post.I only trust one person if that trust is lost so be it.Maybe we don't want to be betrayed or hurt in any way so we keep our guard up.I try to be kind and forgiving to all buy trust only the "1".