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What do you want to let go of?

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On 8/22/2020 at 2:49 AM, sober4life said:

I don't know maybe I've always been depressed or maybe my life has never been good.  Maybe the right way to think always was get me out of here!

I get what you mean, my therapist talks constantly about loving myself. I dont think I ever have, I was just very lucky to meet someone who made me forget how much i detest myself

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On 8/20/2020 at 9:39 PM, Troydg said:

"anywhere but here, anytime but now".

"anyone but me." [Burning Too, by Fugazi 👍]

 

I'd like to let go of perfectionist impulses like pouring over my school assignments one last time (and then one more last time) before submitting them. Wasted hours this week on routine homework. 

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Took a large bag full of bits and bobs to charity. Including my blender. And beloved rocking horse 😳

I'm way down on ornaments now with just a few pieces to worry about looking after, packing and moving, if I move. 

I saw the woman in the shop's eyes light up when she saw BRH (beloved rocking horse). I'm only surmising of course but she seems like the type who would stash it away and take it home for her hoard. I knew a few old girls who used to work in a charity shop who would take a lot of the stuff home for themselves 🤔

I saw it as a negative trait but when I think about it, I collected all that stuff in the first place so I'm not that much different really am I? I used to love collecting pretty things. 

Next on the list: frying pan - can't eat fried food anymore. 

Plus I've got a bag full of clothes and shoes which is going out to be collected on Thursday. Clothes I don't like or use anymore. Shoes. Ditto. 

Im very close to having everything I want gone, gone. 

Just that folder of dastardly paperwork to sort through (I've been putting that off for months😏) and I'm good to go 👍

I actually can't wait to see how many boxes I can fill now. I should be way down with the number I need. I'm gonna take a photo. Its not gonna be like I can live out of a backpack or anything. I still have a house full of stuff but it should be a much more minimal house full ❤️

 

 

 

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18 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

The mythology of romantic love.

I'm 100% sure I will stay sober for the rest of the time I'm here.  The drug that will **** me in the end is love.:sniffle1:

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The feeling I get when I believe I'm letting people down. This made quitting my job (which I had to do for my health) so hard. I became so anxious writing my letter of resignation.

I talked it over with my therapist about today. We could trace this fear back to my childhood, a fear of being abandoned or given away if I didn't please everyone. It constrains my capacity to enjoy success, to be successful at anything. Does anyone else struggle with this?

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4 hours ago, Atra said:

Does anyone else struggle with this?

Yup!  I could have written that post.  With me it is this weird, tangled mess of failing myself and letting other people down.  I have stopped even trying to figure it out.  I mean that in a 'bad' way not a noble I-have-finally-learned-my-lesson way.   🙁

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Of course I feel that way.  I've always had the fear of being abandoned because there was always a sense that I was on my own.  A family reunion is a roomful of people that don't want to be there, don't get along or like each other and you wouldn't know they were even related unless they told you.  There's never a feeling of love or hey you did a good job there.  You're on your own and go through life with that emptiness because you've never felt loved a day in your life.

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