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Nightjar

What do you want to let go of?

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I took a large bag full of dvds to charity yesterday. They were getting on my nerves being in my face every day. Now I just have a few here and my space feels calmer. Don't have old movies to watch now though 😂

Still, now that my rack of dvds is gone I'm one step closer to having my meditation corner set up :hearts:

If only I could do away with the TV like I secretly want to......

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all the negative thoughts that kept showing up, all the useless stuff I collected, the 40 pairs of shoes that belonged to my late mother still at the top of the closet.

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irrational fears: fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of running out of time...

torturous perfectionism

self-doubt 

body dysmorphia

obsessions and impulsiveness

anger

giving a sh!t about what strangers think of me

Edited by evalynn

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I'd like to let go of possessions I don't use and yet they have a sentimental hold on me, it's very distressing to part with them. My father's hoarding was a remnant of the depression era years; I learned collecting could soothe my anxiety disorder.

I think it would help if I could somehow mash @Nightjar, Marie Kondo and my therapist together into one individual. I imagine this construct would somehow teach me the joy of letting go of objects, smartly organize the remaining ones while holding my hand and assuring me that I'm gonna be okay! 

Or forget that silly idea, just shoot a tranquilizer dart into my neck, throw out 2/3 of my belongings while stepping carefully over my prostrate body as I drool onto the carpet.

I wish I could let go of the bad relationships I've been in, which left not marks on me but dents. Perhaps then I might stop looking for and finding warning signs in new people I meet who've done nothing wrong but remind me of painful experiences I had with some effed-up individuals. 

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@Atra

Ok, so now I feel guilty for channeling my inner Countess.  I do have a tip from the minimalist mantra which might help with your decluttering when you're ready and it's this:

The memories are in you, not the objects themselves. However if you really love to be reminded of the past by your items but don't want to carry the weight of the items themselves you can always photograph them before you let them go..

I've tried this and it has worked well for me. I find my photographs hold enormous amounts of memories. I've photographed my homes, friends, family and special places extensively and I have more than enough memories in them for me to keep. I could be happy to let everything go but them...

My inner daredevil and inner Buddhist monk is working on me about those but they're not going anywhere 😉 and I have a huge rack of photos. It's my anti minimalist area. Maybe that's balance? 😜

Edited by Nightjar

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Same problem.  My mom was like your father, depression era saver. I have found washed plastic baggies and folded foil that could be reused and every jar that had anything in it and old screws and nails. My therapist suggested taking a picture of the sentimental object. Doesn't work for me. but I am better at deciding what is sentimental and what I feel that I might need next year.

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Back to my favourite subject - decluttering. I worry sometimes that I'm making myself a bit poor with this, the value of things I've given away must be huge...But I have this strong desire to only have things I need, use or think are beautiful: If an object is all three of these things, something I need, useful and beautiful then it's pretty precious to me.

I'm almost always moving or thinking about it. Case in point, I've been thinking of leaving here since I arrived. It's been very difficult living here, I've had some hard times. Things have improved but I'm still very much in the mindset that I want to move ASAP.

Certain things need to be put in place before I can make that happen however. And in the meantime, I gradually carry on with my decluttering. I'm very aware how too many objects drain my energy and that they also make moving a nightmare for me. I have to pack everything so carefully with my ocd tendencies.

To some, it's not a bother but I feel this really strongly. I don't always find it easy to let go of things but aside from my photos and my cat, I know I could let go of almost anything these days. I've practiced decluttering a lot and it's true that with practice in anything it gets easier and easier. When I started it was super difficult for me. I collected everything as a child and my parents liked to show their love by buying me gifts because they weren't around or available all that often. 

I remember feeling stifled by all of my stuff from a young age while at the same time valuing it and trying to care for it as much as possible. I longed for a house fire to swallow it all up.  It didn't come but I've been slowly burning it all up myself since then (donating it).

So, here we go. My next round of declutter looks like this:

I'm donating: two purple candle holders. Three black candlestick holders. One gold pot. One crackle effect vase which I like but I feel it should go because I have enough ornaments. Two picture frames. Drawer dividers I no longer use. An old dressing gown which reminds me of my old life. Possibly my two cacti because I'm terrified my fur baby will have her eye out on them one of these days. Plus, I don't really have room for them. A wooden body brush which I've never used. A plastic hair brush. A plastic hair grip which has been useless from day one. A 'meh' drawing in a frame from ikea. Some tea towels...I have way too many and can't fit them all into my whites wash. A set of green towels which are just awkward to wash and don't match my bathroom any more.

I'm pondering about....some old eyeshadows I haven't used in years. Maybe they should go for hygiene reasons? I just don't like the fact they are sitting there not being used. I can then use the space for things I do use. Xmas table ornaments which I've never used but I like them coz they're pretty lol. Might keep those.  

I'd really like to jettison: my TV (I no longer watch tv) my old stereo I don't use and my microwave which I never really wanted in the first place but I'm worried about repercussions from family members. I might go ahead with this declutter soon anyway but I'm tackling the above list first.

Finally there's furniture which can go but that will have to be during or after a move. 

Think that's it for now. It's not always easy. If I can get a few more boxes donated I'll be feeling more in control of these belongings. They tend to multiply don't they? 

Edited by Nightjar

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Finally let go of all my past, negative thoughts and feelings then and now, my sorta extremel fear of people online and in person by trying to talk more to them but very slowly.

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I'd like to let go of perfectionism: the ultimate enabler of procrastination. 

Also I really tried to follow along with the efforts of @Nightjar to declutter but I'm hitting some snags...

On 10/29/2019 at 6:07 AM, Nightjar said:

I'm donating: two purple candle holders.

But they are purple! I love anything purple. I couldn't part with them. Maybe keep them, then reassess after new year. 

On 10/29/2019 at 6:07 AM, Nightjar said:

One gold pot.

🌵inside 🍯 is space-saving without the distress of parting with either? Am I clever or avoiding?

On 10/29/2019 at 6:07 AM, Nightjar said:

A wooden body brush which I've never used.

Scrubs your back in the shower, need.

On 10/29/2019 at 6:07 AM, Nightjar said:

A plastic hair brush.

Goes in purse or travel bag.

On 10/29/2019 at 6:07 AM, Nightjar said:

A set of green towels which are just awkward to wash and don't match my bathroom any more.

Houseguest might use. 

On 10/29/2019 at 6:07 AM, Nightjar said:

I'd really like to jettison: my TV

Whoa. What if you fall ill? Or recovering from a broken leg? 

On 10/29/2019 at 6:07 AM, Nightjar said:

my microwave which I never really wanted in the first place

Reheats Chinese take-away in minutes. 

 

See this is hard for me. I can think of uses for so many items you'd give away. What if you need them later? 

 

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I still want to let go of all my doubts, anxieties, worries and past so I can really move forward more to better myself .So far it's slowly all fading with help from someone, my family & pets, and just my own Willpower. However I wish it was moving more faster since I don't like my mood changing during the day at times and dealing with those things. All I can do is take one day at a time, baby steps. 

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16 minutes ago, Atra said:
On 10/29/2019 at 1:07 PM, Nightjar said:

I'm donating: two purple candle holders.

But they are purple! I love anything purple. I couldn't part with them. Maybe keep them, then reassess after new year. 

Already in charity shop. Dropped them off whilst out and about the other day. I now have more room in my kitchen cupboard for kitchen roll* and my mop bucket. 

18 minutes ago, Atra said:
On 10/29/2019 at 1:07 PM, Nightjar said:

One gold pot.

🌵inside 🍯 is space-saving without the distress of parting with either? Am I clever or avoiding

Yes, but we are not barbarians here, the gold doesn't match my colour scheme. 🌵are staying. I did a test run and took them out of their homes in the bathroom. I felt lonely without them 😂so I put them back. I don't think I'll question their value to me again.

22 minutes ago, Atra said:
On 10/29/2019 at 1:07 PM, Nightjar said:

A wooden body brush which I've never used.

Scrubs your back in the shower, need

That's great, you can collect it for pennies at the charity shop where it now resides. I love people to get use out of things. I never used it in 20 years.

24 minutes ago, Atra said:
On 10/29/2019 at 1:07 PM, Nightjar said:

A plastic hair brush.

Goes in purse or travel bag.

To be brutally honest I rarely use a brush. I only keep them as a luxury item. Because my hair is curly, I only 'brush' it with my fingers when it's covered in conditioner in the shower, otherwise I go afro. (Nothing against afro, just not my bag) I have kept a nice wooden brush which won't leach strange plastic chemicals into my home.

29 minutes ago, Atra said:
On 10/29/2019 at 1:07 PM, Nightjar said:

A set of green towels which are just awkward to wash and don't match my bathroom any more.

Houseguest might use

Houseguest can use one of my white ones. I have plenty and they are easy to wash at 60 degrees for optimum freshness 😇

31 minutes ago, Atra said:
On 10/29/2019 at 1:07 PM, Nightjar said:

I'd really like to jettison: my TV

Whoa. What if you fall ill? Or recovering from a broken leg? 

Then I will watch you tube videos on phone as usual. Or use my new compact dvd player (looks like laptop) to watch a dvd on a larger screen. New compact dvd sits on side table or dresser and is much easier for me to see clearly than TV across the room. .it can also be repositioned on a whim as is my wont.

35 minutes ago, Atra said:
On 10/29/2019 at 1:07 PM, Nightjar said:

my microwave which I never really wanted in the first place

Reheats Chinese take-away in minutes. 

 

Not good for you anyway. It's better if those remnants go into the bin.

* used sparingly mostly for cat sick clean up operations 🙀

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Took "meh" picture and drawer dividers to charity shop today. I'm finding it helpful to do it in little daily bursts - saves on packing!

It was a bit of a wrench today and I did have some uncomfortable feelings about it but I went ahead anyway. The picture wasn't cheap, it was a quality item and I've had it a long time. I bypassed these thoughts with "It reminds you of someone you don't like" which is true. Also, "It'll be so nice to have more space" which is true. "It will make moving easier" and "You don't really like it" All true.

I also had the "But you might want them in the future" thought about the drawer dividers but I just reminded myself of the moving process (hell on earth) and how I have less stuff to divide now. And I was good. 

The feelings came and went quickly and I got on with a bit of shopping (food). I did see a nice picture frame in the charity shop 😂 but there was no way I could justify getting it after taking that picture in. 

I'm getting to the point where some of my belongings are reaching "extreme minimalist" standards so I guess it stands to reason it would get a bit uncomfortable at this stage. 

Ima keep going until I get my minimalist urge satisfied!! It helps that I live in a dolls house. Woah, I'm really going there now.  White minimalist box with nothing but a chair is on the horizon!! (Not quite, I jest. A bit 😲😎

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33 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

My ultra-negative self image. I wish I could be confident.

I used to have no confidence whatsoever.  I've built my confidence in my recovery by making amends with everyone in my life.  Sometimes that is apologizing to people but other times I have to be tough with people and stand up to people I was never able to before.  That builds confidence.  We both hate our lives and feel like we have nothing to lose really so we might as well stand up to the assholes in our lives and show them who's boss.

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