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toughfighter83

i need help please i dont know what to do

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i was at lowes today, i saw this girl i like, but i couldnt talk to her, i have social anxiety disorder, im very frustrated when i came out, it's like my brain doesnt want me to socialize, it's scary because i feel like im never going to get over this and be alone for the rest of my life, if anyone is dealing with this, does anyone have advice? because i dont know what to do.

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Toughfighter:

It is so very difficult to manage social anxiety disorder.  I can imagine that it is frustrating.  Please be gentle with yourself.  I'm not sure there are many people that are gifted with starting conversations with new people.  I wish I had magic advice for you.   I wonder how a therapist who specializes in social anxiety would coach you. 

Wishing you the best. 

 

Tim  

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I wish I can help you more. I’m also very afraid of talking to people. It always feels like I’m always saying the wrong things and doing the wrong things. It takes a huge effort to be confident in myself. To remember that failure is a stepping stone to learn. To make small talk but she replies you with what you do not like, to be rejected and to get over it is scary and painful but you are still a worthy person, you just need to look at yourself with a different perspective. You never know until you try. Try small things first, one step at a time.

There is nothing wrong with being alone, being in relationships is another mountain to climb but what is worth climbing is up to you cos different people have different perspectives. I guess that’s what makes people so scary, huh? Try and try again, that’s what I tell myself. Hope others have better advice! 

Edited by Depressedgurl007

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Everyone has social anxiety.  Nobody has ever been comfortable talking to anyone.  The worst experience on earth is being in a room full of people having to talk.  Everyone is afraid of saying the wrong things.  Just start knowing the other person is always just as uncomfortable as you are.  I always used to think everyone else is better at life than I am.  The truth is everyone is lost and faking their way through every moment of this.

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I used to be very anxious in social situations. I was always worried that I would say the wrong thing. What helped me was having a place to practice. I joined a small bible study group in my church. I always knew that the guys in it would not make fun of me of laugh behind my back. Slowly I was able to realize what @sober4life said above - everyone is just winging it most of the time. Anyway - I still have times when I am nervous about talking to people - but it is much better than it used to me.

Now if I could just get rid of my anxiety about going to new places.

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Hi @toughfighter83. I'm sorry to hear that SAD is causing you such distress. I've experienced navigating the confusing demands of social situations while dealing with my own, noisy head. 

The best practical advice I can offer is this. If you can't reduce the uncertainty of how a social interaction is going to go, dial down the stakes. What do I mean? Let's use talking to that girl at Lowes as an example:

This will not be your last or best shot at romance, the stakes just aren't that high. 

If the outcome isn't what you hoped for, it doesn't mean something definitive about you. You dont control these outcomes, only your efforts. And that's okay because it's the same for every one of us.

Your inner critic may abuse you if the outcome isn't what you hoped for. But since it appears to be abusing you for not trying, the stakes are pretty even.

18 hours ago, toughfighter83 said:

it's scary because i feel like im never going to get over this

"Never" is a very, very long time. It's okay to challenge thoughts that overgeneralize.

Finally, social anxiety is a legitimate mental health condition not a deficiency of character. Confidence is not something attained, it's something maintained. We acquire it by accumulating small, positive experiences one at a time. Count an experience as positive if you tried and learned from it.

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